I've found out that he's

[Champagneandpringles24]

When I started seeing my partner I knew he was ex-forces and when he was serving he was based in Germany age 21.

We've been together just over a year. It came out in a conversation last that he used to use prostitutes regularly in Germany and said it was his age and "everyone did it"

He's not sure exactly how many but was stationed there for 5 years so I'd imagine the number was high.

Now in our 30's so it was a long time ago but this has just really put me off him.

Would this put you off someone?

I would feel just the same, no idea why. I sort of instinctively feel the need for a shower too.

Paying for consent is always wrong. It's hardly a career choice women make unless desperate. And have you not heard of trafficking?

This ⬆️

It's not that it's seedy, it's that it shows he either:

• thinks women are just receptacles for cock, and can be bought and used
• or is so weak-willed that he did this repeatedly for several years just because his mates did

Neither of these is particularly attractive.

You can't control when or if you get the ick. And once you do, it's impossible to go back.

I know it was ten years ago, but I would go and have an HIV/STI work up - I’d also check for chlamydia as that may not really impact him much but could affect your fertility.

I’m afraid I’d get the ick from this - totally okay with someone having had a promiscuous past, but have very very strong feelings about the exploitation of vulnerable women and the fact that pimps are generally involved in other aspects of organised crime. It speaks to me of a total disregard for the welfare of women and unacknowledged misogyny.

I no longer have anything to do with my brother because of this. He'd always been erratic but I found out that he'd been with prostitutes on a lads holiday in Marbella and was disgusted. He married his first girlfriend when her marriage broke up and adopted her two sons and they had a daughter of their own, all the kids are very selfish individuals. He didn't bat an eyelid when his teenage daughter brought a one night stand back to the family home.

His wife ended up in hospital because he attacked her. They stayed together partly I guess because her family were very generous. He later threatened our other brother with an air gun. Brother 2 says "but he's my brother" when I say I want nothing to do with him and question why he does.

He's a total wild card and I'm writing this because I feel using prostitutes is a part of a bigger picture of other character flaws. And I doubt the holiday was a one off. So I'd dump this guy.

Yes it would put me off. Paying for sex is a hard no and also the “everyone was doing it” excuse wouldn’t cut it for me.

There's a skewed mentality to goes with paying for 'consensual' sex. It says a lot about a person.
When I was married, my ex husband had confided in me that he had paid for sex with prostitutes (not during our marriage... that I am aware of!), years and years earlier, before 'us'. I didn't think much of it at the time. It rubbed me the wrong way. I wasn't thrilled. But everyone has a past and 'everyone does it' and yada yada yada, all that gaslighting BS that makes the person on the receiving end of this disclosure look like the intolerant, uptight, 'bad guy'.
So, it became a discomfort that was a 'me' problem and something, I felt, that I needed to work on, ignoring the red flag that had been handed to me. Suffice to say, the fact that he had used prostitutes in the past really reared its ugly head later on in our marriage. It certainly helped shape the shadows in our marriage. I do think about it still and I return to the realisation that when my ex husband confided in me, he was telling me who he was and how he viewed women and sex, without saying much other than, "I used prostitutes in the past."
My marriage was a scarring and terrible experience because I was with someone who had an incredibly warped view of females and sex. He was also a GP and safeguarding lead with a specialty in paediatrics... a 'good guy' pillar of society. Don't be fooled by your boyfriend's nice veneer, OP. I also strongly believe that such confessions are set ups, openers, tests, boundary-dissolving statements, softening you up and preparing you for his inevitable wishes and expectations down the road.

And here's another thing: Youth is not an excuse. That he sought this type of sex in those formative years when we shape our sexual identity/mentality around/approach to sex, is rather telling. He was 21. Why wasn't he just doing what most of us do at 21? Was meeting a local woman in a pub or a club and having a lark not 'seedy' enough? Did paying for sex give him a sense of control?

Men who pay for sex, in my view, lack integrity.

Listen to your gut on this one, OP.

OK ex military ĥere. Sex workers in Germany are not like UK, they have to be registered, tested etc, it is a legal profession. Pimping is rare and very frowned upon!!

Was he 21 ten years ago and only did it briefly then or is he now 36 and did it for 5 years that stopped 10 years ago ?
Either way it's not a long time ago and very much indicates his disrespect for women and intimacy.
What else would he do that's backed up with the basic bastard response 'everyone did it'
Anytime he goes away or times your priorities are elsewhere he will likely use sex workers again because he's comfortable with it.

If he was telling you because he was horrified and ashamed of himself that might change things slightly but it sounds like he's not particularly arsed about it and I think carrying on a relationship with him is likely to lead to further pain and mistrust for you.

And?

Absolutely this. As long as it's well in the past.

He was young and probably lonely. Everyone has a past - I'd leave it there!

I would appreciate the honesty and leave it there.
People are entitled to have a past.

When women are lonely, why is it that it's staggeringly rare for them to pay for sex with a male prostitute?

Does ejaculating into someone you've paid to have sex with really alleviate 'loneliness'? Or just satisfy the desire to ejaculate into a female?

THIS

So it’s ok for men to buy women to use for sex when they’re lonely? Ffs.

The bar is very low for some on this thread.

100% a deal breaker for me

It would put me off, yes. I probably wouldn't be keen to date someone who had been in the armed forces in the first place, though.

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, though. Even if everyone else on Mumsnet was fine with it, that wouldn't mean you have to be fine with it. You're entitled to have that boundary.

Yes it would give me the forever ick. It doesn't matter how young he was. No-one is forced to use a womans body and pay money for it.
I could never be with a man who ever thought that would be okay, nevermind do it. I was in love with someone once, he let slip that he thinks brothels should be as accepted as getting a haircut and on every street. The rose tinted glasses fell off and his good qualities were marred after that, and he got a one way ticket to the friend zone. He still can't understand and still tries to woo me years later, but nah mate fuck off you dirty twat.

It would be a deal breaker for me but ultimately it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, if it gives you the ick then it’s absolutely fine to end it over this.

I wouldn't look too much into it, a lot of them based in Germany did it, it was a common occurrence.

I think you have your answer here. You can no longer look at him, you're turned off by him, your feelings matter.

If it makes you feel put off then there's your answer, I couldn't stay with someone that viewed paying for sex as a none issue x