I've found out that he's

[Champagneandpringles24]

When I started seeing my partner I knew he was ex-forces and when he was serving he was based in Germany age 21.

We've been together just over a year. It came out in a conversation last that he used to use prostitutes regularly in Germany and said it was his age and "everyone did it"

He's not sure exactly how many but was stationed there for 5 years so I'd imagine the number was high.

Now in our 30's so it was a long time ago but this has just really put me off him.

Would this put you off someone?

Your feelings are valid.

Women have "the gift of fear"; our visceral reactions are nearly always telling us something. Sometimes not what we want to hear, especially when we've invested time in a relationship.

It's good to kick the tyres on Mumsnet, I personally would struggle with someone who, deep down, views women in that way. But maybe it was genuinely peer pressure and something he has overwhelming remorse for.

But ultimately it's your own gut that is giving you the truth.

For me this would depend on his attitude now. Whether he has realised (with age and maturity) that these women are often controlled and can't truly consent etc. Honestly I don't think a lot of young men really think about the full implications of what they are doing, when they visit prostitutes (a lot of older men don't also, but I'm less 'tolerant' of them, since they are old enough to know better). I'd give him a bit of leeway based on his age and the fact it was normalised in his environment.

Ew that's so horrible. The fact it was regular makes it even worse. Honestly I wouldn't be okay with a man I was dating having done it even once though.

Prostitution is legal and regulated in Germany. It's completely different to what happens in many other countries. There are legal brothels and campervans.

I've never been in that position so I don't know how I would react but just thought you should have all the facts before making a decision in case it changes how you feel.

Prostitution is legal and regulated in Germany. It's completely different to what happens in many other countries. There are legal brothels and campervans.

That doesn't mean it's okay or there's no exploitation or trafficking. It's just state sanctioned.

The situation in Germany is different. It’s more “above board” to prevent that kind of abuse.

She wasn’t. That’s why you need to read the thread. Your tone is incredibly patronising to the women who choose to do sex work.

I’m not comparing the work. I’m comparing two widely used services that are not openly discussed.

That’s an extremely naive view. There are insufficient numbers of German women ‘freely’ making the decision to become prostitutes (funny that…) so many of the so-called legal brothels are staffed by trafficked women from Eastern Europe and beyond.

Again, doesn't matter if it's regulated or legal. It's using women like blow-up dolls. It's dehumanising, and THAT would give me the ick.

Anyone who can think of a person as a thing to be used is abhorrent to me.

There have been studies and reviews and my own experience. Men DON'T even ask if a woman is coerced, they don't care. They don;t check if they have their passport, or even if they speak English. They se the burly men around, they don't care. I've seen heavily pregnant, bruised, tear-stained women find clients as easy as any other woman does.

A man who used prostitutes for years will, unequivocally, have raped a trafficked or pimped woman. An addicted and desperate one. A poverty-bound one who can't feed her kids. One who was recruited as a child, if she isn't a child currently. There is no doubt at all.

I wouldn't hesitate for a second to split up.

21-26.

And there is a lot of trafficking in Germany. To feed the 'regulated' brothels which are utterly repulsive if you do a little reading.

There's a lot of naïve 'germany is a sex work haven' comments on this thread. It's quite staggering.

Quite. Even the German chancellor disagrees that it's all sunshine and roses. www.dw.com/en/germanys-olaf-scholz-sex-work-is-not-acceptable/a-67409429

I wouldn't look too much into it, a lot of them based in Germany did it, it was a common occurrence.

So? There are lots of bad things that a lot of people do. That doesn't make them any better.
I'd end it. I wouldn't get into a relationship with a man in the armed forces anyway though tbh.

Paying for sex is extremely common. I would bet many of the posters on here condemning him have husbands/fathers/sons who have done so.

A. They wouldn't know about it.

B. They have no choice re being related to fathers or sons who'd done it.

C. That's very different from getting into a relationship with a partner you know has done it, or staying in relationship with a partner you now know has done it.

Something being common doesn't make it ok or acceptable!!

Child abuse is common. Would you point out that plenty of men have done that and loads of women's fathers, sons or husbands have probably done that?

"Common" (esp when it's not known about/hidden) and "ok" are two very different things.

They found out the same re the Dutch sex industry.

It's a fact of life that very very VERY few women - with options and opportunities - will choose to be penetrated etc. by strange men repeatedly for (often not that much) money.

It's hardly different then going to a bar and taking a random woman home each time?

There is full consent by the woman in that case.

You cannot buy consent.

I wouldn't get into a relationship with a man in the armed forces anyway though tbh

This.

Sadly the forces are riddled with sexism, prostitute use, domestic violence etc.

As you've just found out.

Men using prostitutes at any age is weird. He shouldn't use his age at the time as an excuse. I would be very uneasy around a man like this.