I've found out that he's

[Champagneandpringles24]

When I started seeing my partner I knew he was ex-forces and when he was serving he was based in Germany age 21.

We've been together just over a year. It came out in a conversation last that he used to use prostitutes regularly in Germany and said it was his age and "everyone did it"

He's not sure exactly how many but was stationed there for 5 years so I'd imagine the number was high.

Now in our 30's so it was a long time ago but this has just really put me off him.

Would this put you off someone?

Of course I would put off if I found out that my partner used to rape women!
You can't continue this relationship. You could be the next one.

Dump him and move on.

I would never be able to look at him again, quite frankly. Total deal breaker for me.

Hi there,

For me, the issue would be that it would demonstrate that we're too different. Prostitution itself is a complex issue, and we could debate those issues and the morality of it all day, but really, all you need to do is think of how this makes you feel. We are all different, and some women would be OK with it. If you're not, that's fine too.

I'm a true romantic who needs there to be affection and romance in any lovemaking, which is probably why I've never had a ONS. I have no judgement towards those who do, because my objections aren't moral ones. I don't have ONS because I'm not drawn to them. To me, the issue here is, does this show that you are too different? I know many men who would not dream of paying a woman for sex. You don't have to settle for one who has, if it makes you too uncomfortable.

It's quite possible that his prostitute use has shown that you are too different, whatever the whys and wherefores of prostitute use itself. That's the crux of the issue when it comes to your relationship, for me. Perhaps you'd be better off with a man who is too proud and too romantic to ever pay a woman for sex.

He might only have been 21 at first, but he continued doing it...for five years. It's pretty gross.

That's a bit dramatic. In Germany, prostitution is a legal job and the women get paid. That's very different to rape.

I would not worry unless he still uses that service.
Would picking up random girls off tinder or at bars be any less than a prositute?

At least hes honest about it.
Would they not have to have safe sex I would imagine.
Im sure not all sex workers are victims as they claim on here.
I would rather a man pay for sex than walk around playing around.

I was that naive also about prostituted women. Please check my post from yesterday at 14.10.
Those so called legalised brothels in Germany are hell on earth, with no way out.
There are no local women jn them, they are all eastern european and SE Asian. I have heard also the same stories from the legal brothels in Australia and Switzerland.

We never “know them!”
MN is testament to that.

It was 10 years ago. Being in the forces in a foreign country leaves little time for committed relationships esp at that young age.

Prostitution is the oldest occupation in the world. I’m not condoning it or sticking up gif him but look at what you have now and take it from there. Try not to dwell on it and give yourself time to process the information and move on.

Would it have made a difference if he’d told you he’d slept with 200 girlfriends in that time?

I hope it works out OP but based on his past activity, if you think he has a propensity to use prostitutes in the future that’s a different story.

Trust and respect are fundamental to a successful long term relationship.

Knowing that my partner regularly paid for sex from women in God knows what sort of a situation, likely trafficked, would preclude me from trusting or respecting them.

He lacks morals, is sleazy, disrespects female bodies, and has done this countless times with out difficulty or hesitation.

Nope. Not characteristics of a long term partner.
Would you be happy for your friends and family to know this?
I'm so sorry but he is simply not good enough for you.

No way. Basically enslaved women (very large percentage).
Would he want your children (if you had any together in the future) to have to 'service' men to survive?
I very much fucking doubt it.

But it's ok for other women to be treated like that? Nah.

@NoisyDenimShaker I suggest you do some reading about the realities of sex work in Germany. The financial, health, physical realities.

Men making something into an industry with a veneer of respectability and women as the product hasn't made it consenting, clean and shiny. It's made it massively profitable for the owners, much more accessible for the punters, and still dreadful for the women. Very simple things like paying 'rent' for their space and therefore the first men they have sex with are effectively for 'free' just to pay the male owners.

A couple of times people have said the workers themselves enjoy it, or are freely consenting. And they may not consider it rape. And that's their choice. I don't want to take away the voice of the women. However, if you only consider it from the men's POV, THEY know they don't have free and enthusiastic consent. They are rapists even if the women does not consider it rape. Because they don't care that the women doesn't want them.

You would rather be with a man who was paying to have sex with a woman who is not able to consent and has likely to have been forced into it or trafficked for one reason or another?

Rather than a man who has had consenting sex with women he met on dating sites?

Really?

@Inspireme2

I would rather a man pay for sex than walk around playing around.

You'd rather a man who has paid for sex with women when he cannot possibly know for sure that they aren't abused or trafficked, than a man who has had sex with lots of women he meets on tinder / nights out etc consensually?

Goodness. There's a lot to unpack there.

I can guarantee 100% that a man who is/was happy to use prostitutes will use them again when you don't fancy it as frequently as you once did. Do not sign yourself up for a life of misery please. It's abhorrent. Those women wouldn't do it if they could make the money doing something else would they? It's horrible.

I think the issue here is that he will certainly use them again when things are stale once you've been together for a while. It's too easy. Why would he not? Are you ok with him using them when you have young kids at home and are too tired for sex? That is the issue. There are some men that just wouldn't use them, and some that would. Personally I'd run for the hills.

I don't have many boundaries myself, but this would be a massive red flag to me.

It sounds like he has a bit of a madonna/whore thing going on with his attitude to women. That's not attractive to me. I think you should listen to your gut.

As others have said, consent cannot be bought.

And this shows yet again that no good can ever come of questions about each other's sexual history.

I'd not continue this relationship as others have said. I'd imagine this has helped shape his view of sex and how you treat women, so it's probably not all rosy. It's disgusting!

I’d be disgusted by a man who uses prostitutes now. But in his early 20s, in a male culture that found it normal, going along with his friends … I’d tend to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Why not tell him how you feel, discuss it with him and take a bit more time before you decide to move in with him.

He may still believe it was harmless. If you do your research and show him evidence of its harm, and he still thinks it’s ok, that would be more of an obstacle for me.

I believe people can change, and learn from the past and become better with maturity. He sounds loveable now, and it would be a shame to lose a good man because he did wrong (which he probably didn’t think was wrong) in the past.
But I’d still take a bit more time to check this is the real him now.

Bullshit of the lowest order. Nothing could be further from the truth.

"Together with Germany, Romania is in the group of countries with the highest levels of human trafficking in Europe, as measured by the 2023 Organized Crime Index."

globalinitiative.net/analysis/sex-trafficking-germany-uefa-euro2024/#:~:text=Together%20with%20Germany%2C%20Romania%20is,and%20coercion%20is%20often%20blurred.

Yet somehow, it manages to have one of the highest rates of sex trafficking in Europe.

https://globalinitiative.net/analysis/sex-trafficking-germany-uefa-euro2024/#:~:text=Together%20with%20Germany%2C%20Romania%20is,and%20coercion%20is%20often%20blurred.

Learn a fact or two once in awhile.

never trust him around children

The there's your answer. It's ruined sex with him for you, so the relationship is not salvageable.
Often men will pretend to be respectful and considerate before you marry them, then switch to brutishness when they think they "own" you.

You cannot BUY consent. Especially when so many of these women are trafficked or otherwise coerced.

Any man who thinks it's ok to buy a woman is a cock.

I'd be disgusted and the relationship would be over.

What you’re actually saying here is “I’d rather a man use women who have no meaningful way of saying no to sex with him than a man who has consensual sexual encounters”.

Why is that?