I've found out that he's

[Champagneandpringles24]

When I started seeing my partner I knew he was ex-forces and when he was serving he was based in Germany age 21.

We've been together just over a year. It came out in a conversation last that he used to use prostitutes regularly in Germany and said it was his age and "everyone did it"

He's not sure exactly how many but was stationed there for 5 years so I'd imagine the number was high.

Now in our 30's so it was a long time ago but this has just really put me off him.

Would this put you off someone?

You don't feel ok about it and it has put you off him.
It doesn't matter whether anyone else would be put off, it has put you off and that's absolutely fine.
You don't need to spend time trying to convince yourself to be ok with this, you can end the relationship now before you commit. It's a relatively short relationship so you don't owe him anything.

Yuk, no. I couldn’t get past that.

Realistically, a lot of men and women, sleep with a LOT of people around that sort of age.

What does that have to do with him using sex workers?

Realistically, a lot of men and women, sleep with a LOT of people around that sort of age.

Which is fine for fully consenting adults, but prostitutes aren't fully consenting because you're paying for it. They're very likely to be trafficked and controlled by others.

I would particularly want to know how he feels about it and prostitution now. I would definitely want to know he's had a full range of sexual health tests which have come back clean. But assuming the tests are clear, I think what happens next would hinge on whether he is still okay with the idea of men using prostitution or not ((I assuming he says he never would again,) or whether he now understands more about all the problems around prostitution- trafficking, modern slavery, coercion, exploitation... I don't know how I'd feel, but I think that's key.

For the most part you don’t know about people’s past sex history. If you knew about under-age sex, cheating on teenage partners, illicit fumbles with drunk strangers, etc, you might be horrified. At the end of the day it’s your decision, but plenty of young people do things they might regret later.

It's a no from me, any man who pays for sex is not someone I'd want to be involved with. These women are put in an awful position, often involved in trafficking gangs. I'd have to walk away from that relationship.

Ask him what he thinks now.

When I was 21 I joined in with all sorts of things I wouldn't do now. I simply hadn't thought about the implications.

To be fair I've met A LOT of forces/ex forces men and all of them have been either sexually abusive or physically abusive in different ways so my opinion is already pretty low

Strange that some posters are trying to minimise this by making silly comparisons.

When I was around 19 in 1974, I went out with someone on The Ark Royal, he told me, they kept the ship out at sea for an extra week because a whole load of the sailors had sexually transmitted diseases. I ended the relationship.

Wouldn't put me off with it being that long ago.

It’d be a dealbreaker for me.

I wouldn’t mind a colourful sexual history, providing all the women he’d slept with were consenting adults and he was free of any STIs.

I wouldn’t accept a man who had previously purchased consent.

We all have different bars though. Once you get the ick though, there’s not really much that can be done.

It’s a difficult one. I’m not sure i would be moving i together tbh. A year is not enough to really know someone. He hasn’t told you this during the year, is there potentially more you don’t know about him? Quite possible.

This will potentially always be in the back of your mind. What if say you get pregnant and for some reason can’t have sex for a while? Is he going to revert to fulfilling his needs with prostitutes? He’s crossed that line and it was acceptable to him in the past so who knows.

Bigger issue here is that part of the trust is gone with this new information. And that can create all sorts of issues in the future.

I come from an army family. Yes it waa very common. Yuk but "everyone" seemed to so it

It wouldn't be the end for me, but that would depend on whether I thought he was likely to do it again. As he said, it was very much the culture of the armed forces, and it was ten years ago. If you are happy in other ways, I don't necessarily see this as a red flag, but that doesn't mean that you can't. I would recommend talking to him and telling him how you feel. If he is dismissive, that is more of a red flag than the going to prostitutes in itself (IMO)

That said, I also totally agree with this. It is entirely up to you and if you want to end it, end it. Everyone has different places where their shoe pinches and if you want to leave over this, better you do it now than later when you have enmeshed finances and possibly children.

I couldn't be with someone who thought it was acceptable to purchase a likely unwilling and probably trafficked human body to wank into, at any age. He was old enough to know better. I'd never be able to look at him without wanting to punch him in the dick so a relationship would be impossible.

Edit to add: also LOVE all the people saying "well everyone did it!" as if that makes it ok.

Cheating as a teenager isn't even ballpark close to this morally.

I would have nothing to do with a man known to pay for sex because of the risks faced by sex workers, almost exclusively those used by men, the structure of the industry, those who control, traffick and pimp vulnerable individuals also simply because I find the idea of paying for an intimate act completely abhorrent, not knowing whether the worker is genuinely content to be there. Any comparisons to other physical jobs are false.

A man in his 30s is and would have long been well aware of trafficking, the issues around the sex industry etc, violence against women and gender inequality. If he has ignored these for the sake of a shag he isn't someone I would want to be involved with. 10 years is not long ago.

It may not be your business in terms of whether you broadcast it but it is absolutely your business in terms of being a selection criterion.

Has he said anything about his reflections on this or is it just everyone else's fault? That aspect is what doesn't make him sound the brightest. As an adult 'everyone was doing it' isn't a great reason to do anything. Especially if he's standing that now.

Ten years ago isn't that long.
It'd put me right off.

It's the attitude he has of it being normal to him that is of concern too. So normal that he expects that any GF being told this wouldn't bat an eyelid at it. He is oblivious as to how most women would feel about it.
I'd also wonder if a man who has no qualms about obtaining sex through payment, would be more enclind to do the same at times in a relationship where sexual activity dips, such as after DC's, or because of I'll health, menopause, age or any reason really. He's filled the gap before many times.
Would give me the ick tbh, I'd be stepping back from now on. It's in the past, but it could have future ramifications.

I couldn't be with any man who thinks it's acceptable to buy consent. As has been said, many prostituted women have been trafficked or are working under the control of a man. Either that or they are doing it from desperation with few, if any, other options.

No man who uses women in this way is a decent human being.

Prostitution in Germany is not the same as over here. Its regulated by the german government, legal, and annual health checks are mandated.
I'm not sure if that makes you feel any better about it, but it's not as seedy as we see it in the UK.

Yes massively

Imo a lot of the armed forces men are misogynistic and I avoid dating them for this reason.

The “everyone did it” comment he made. What else did “everyone” do that he thinks is acceptable ?

Buying time to spend in another human's vagina is always seedy...