I've found out that he's

[Champagneandpringles24]

When I started seeing my partner I knew he was ex-forces and when he was serving he was based in Germany age 21.

We've been together just over a year. It came out in a conversation last that he used to use prostitutes regularly in Germany and said it was his age and "everyone did it"

He's not sure exactly how many but was stationed there for 5 years so I'd imagine the number was high.

Now in our 30's so it was a long time ago but this has just really put me off him.

Would this put you off someone?

Consent cannot be bought

Yes, this.

Don't be talked in to staying with him because other people wouldn't care. It matters because it matters to you. You are then important one here. Listen to your gut feeling. Work out what questions you want answered and go from there. But don't dismiss your very valid feelings.

I attended a talk given by 3 prostituted women from the legal brothels in Germany, it wad sickening what they endured. The depravity was so bad I left part way through, what i heard stlill haunts me to this day. Loathe the cutesy term sex worker....

To answer a few questions

He is very respectful of me and my body.
He only ever refers to sex as making love.
He's never tried anything weird for example one ex always used to ask if he could spit on me and if we could do anal 🙄
Current partner is absolutely nothing like that. He likes to cuddle after sex. He's very considerate to what I enjoy and he will ask throughout if I'm ok and check I'm not uncomfortable.
He will tell me multiple times during sex he loves me.

I genuinely thought he was a true gentleman to be honest this is why it's come as a shock.

We had a couple of drinks out last night and we were just talking about lots of different things including his time in Germany this is when the whole prostitute thing came out.

He is a good partner who goes above and beyond to make sure I am ok in general day to day life. I just wish I never knew this new information because it has made me think very differently of him.
I have felt very comfortable sexually with him whereas I never have in my past but now I really don't think I would feel comfortable with him again.

I didn't ask questions last night because I was in shock and I didn't think it was a good idea in drink to have that conversation. I did say he should have told me this in the beginning. I know if he had have I'd have ended it then

This must be very difficult for you OP

I'm sorry it's come out like this

Only you can choose what to do.

If he had realised how dreadful it was, and spent the last ten years donating to charities for women, telling everyone he met not to do it, campaigned for women's rights... I'd at least think about having a conversation. In the same way I'd have a conversation with a former gang member who worked tirelessly with gang-involved youth and the police on ending involvement. Or a recovering alcoholic who had done bad things but now had been in recovery for ten years working for good.

But a man happy with his choices and treating me well because I'm not one of 'those women' hard hard no.

He's never tried anything weird for example one ex always used to ask if he could spit on me and if we could do anal 🙄
Current partner is absolutely nothing like that.

If you're the sort of person who can't tolerate somebody even asking you those things then how can you square knowing that your partner used to engage in all manner of filth with hired women?

He was sent to Germany at 21 and was stationed there for 5 years - so he was sleeping with prostitutes from the age of 21 to 26? And he doesn't remember how many he slept with? That is pretty grim.

Go with your gut on this one, OP. And please do get tested. Certain sexually transmitted infections can lay dormant or show no symptoms in men.

I think that it is a real shame that you feel that way, OP. He was 21. 21 year olds are not known for their stellar decision making. If I were you, I would think twice about taking too much advice from here, people on this site love to think the absolute worst of any male, they take a perverse glee out of situations like yours. Your decision is of course your own, but I would at least discuss with him how his revelation made you feel before ending things. It would be one thing if he had been in his thirties or even later in his twenties, but 21 is barely an adult.

You don't know he used to 'engage in all manner of filth'. He might have just had ordinary sex.

In the OP it says he was stationed there for 5 years, so would have included 'later in his twenties'.

Ah, I missed that. That maybe puts a slightly different complexion on things, although I still think it isn't the same as someone doing that from ages 31 to 36. My advice to the OP to talk to her boyfriend doesn't change.

the past is the past.. i assume this is no longer happening now? i think you need to look into yourself to see why this is bothering you.. could it be that the relationship isn't quite what you had hoped and perhaps this is your 'out'

It's weird on the past is the past argument. Some people dont ask, dont care about a current partners past body count, others really do care. Its a bit differnet here though cos its visiting brothels at an unknown frequency.

Absolute bollocks!!! I lived and worked on German army bases for 11 years. They're not prison camps ffs! We were allowed out to 'meet people in the normal way' 🤦‍♀️

Plus...believe it or not, women also lived and worked on the bases, as well as in the local towns, so it's not as if there were any 'shortages' 🤷‍♀️

As a single woman myself, I can honestly say that in all of my 11 years living on base in Germany, I never once felt the urge to visit (whatever the male equivalent of...) a prostitute 👍

Funnily enough, many, many men thought this was acceptable. Strange isn't it, despite the overwhelming prevalence of 'non-working' women, they chose to frequent the 'working establishments'..many of which were very conveniently situated within a mile or so of British Military bases 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I'm often lonely...never crossed my mind to go out and pay someone to shag me!! The excuses men make are pathetic! And worse...women holding up those excuses and supporting them??? Jesus! What is wrong with you??

@twentysevendresses out of interest did the senior guys not encourage the lads to go, to keep morale up? In a lads lads lads culture isnt there peer pressure to do what they other lads are doing?

It's odd how many people are saying no big deal, usually MN is rabidly anti-prostitution. Apparently it's different because it's Germany

I think it's the fact that he was so young (although admittedly older at the end of the time period) Also, it was the culture of his workplace. Not ideal, but also not worth dumping someone over imo, at least not without other reasons. That's just my feeling, of course.

Insufficient t for what?

Read the thread dear

For the demand @StormingNorman

The demand for living wank socks for repulsive men.

I've noticed this on a lot of threads lately:

It's normal for a 15-year-old to have multiple sex partners.

You're a prude/control freak/dried up old shrew if you have any boundaries to sex.

Oh, your bf paid for prostitutes over a 5-year period? That's on you if you think it's weird.

The pornification of MN.