Anyone else trying not not to contact a guy part 2??

[YouAreAllMySymmetry]

Hey loves @namechangeforthis5 @Frith2013 and whoever else I can think of.

How we all doing?

I'm having a weird night; I've been drinking and guess what skill it reminded me I've developed: crying out of one eye. It means that people generally don't notice, in the car, or lying on the couch or in bed.

That's sad, isn't it.

Don't do it @namechangeforthis5 ! Be strong! 💪

I will. I just wrote r u ok then thought how ridiculous 😂

Thank you. If it wasn’t for you lot I would have caved ages ago

I know what you mean @namechangeforthis5 I have been following this post for a long time, and funny how my emotions have changed so much. This time last month, I was a wreck. Now I am so much stronger, and that has a lot to do with you guys. Thank you all 👏

@namechangeforthis5 I asked mine (2 months ago) why he went 7, 10 or more days without getting in contact.

He said (and I quote), "that's just my nature. I never message anyone first. You are always on my mind".

They're full of shit! (I've never used that expression before but it's perfect).

That what we used to do you ok? 🤣🤣🤣.
seems so silly now but bloody hell catching up on this thread just made me miss him. I used get a Morning every day & then a chat about what we were doing for the day. Complete ridiculousness 🤣🤣🤣. At least I don’t need to guard my phone with my life anymore

It’s definitely helped me I’m in such a different place now, so glad I’ve not had to navigate this on my own x

Well done you, that always feels good when you don't actually send it. I'm on day one of let's not talk or be in contact as it's all so wrong. I got through my day but now back at work, and missing him. It's ridiculous, just need to get through work tonight. Tmrw is a new day and it will be fine!

Thank you @Thewookiemustgo

I caved today and messaged and he left me on read. I feel so stupid now but your words have helped me so much.

I think I caved because we used to see each other every Thursday as he would be working near where I work.

I did read a post on instagram today which said that if a snake bites you, would you chase it and ask it why it bit you and try to explain that you didn't deserve to be bitten? Or would you concentrate on healing the wound?

Made me think, hope it might help others too.

@SweetheartDeal you’re welcome. Please don’t beat yourself up for today, you just keep on trying, it’s a hard habit to get rid of but remember you and your mental health and happiness are way more important than some idiot who leaves your message unread and plays mind games.
Situations like this cause dopamine highs and that’s what you’re chasing.
It’s possible to ditch this stuff, the momentary high is always followed by obsession and misery until the next hit. 10% pleasure but 90% pain. So not worth it! You might be trying to ditch a strong 10% of feeling high, but the upside of ditching that is that 90% of your misery will be gone too.
You gain a huge amount of mental peace by teaching your brain to live without the high and replace it with a still joyful but healthier behaviour.
You caved, but it’s not the end of the world, just another opportunity to see that Mr Leaves’emunread isn’t worth the time or headspace.

Omg is there a manual for the crap they come out with 😂. Mine would have nothing in particular to talk to me about but then if I didn’t hear from him he’d say you didn’t seem particularly interested last time. Then I realised that although we get on mostly we have zero in common. In fact he used to put down any music or books I was interested in. I’d mention my cat and he say I hate cats. Laugh at my hobbies. Go out of his way to be completely indifferent to me.

Wise words @Thewookiemustgo

I agree. They always are

Reading these, and the original post is so helpful. You'd think we were all teenagers, but the human brain still ticks the same I guess whether you're 15 or 45!? Problem is mine definitely likes me but is staying away, I am guessing as I am in a relationship (albeit failing) my heart and head says he's hiding his feelings, because he let his guard down after a few drinks last month so I know there's something there, which is still feeding my need for contact. If he'd not fessed up I think I'd have moved on. I don't work with him anymore so can't bump into him so maybe over time it will peter out? Or maybe he's waiting for me to sort my life out!!!?? He's not with anyone else. He says women his age (he's younger than me, early 30s) are all a bit crazy or just want marriage and kids (which I definitely don't). I have moved our chat to archive at least so it's not with everything else and in my eyeline, which is helping.

This is unimportant but I'll share it here as there is nowhere else.

We had a perfectly normal and polite exchange on Monday, about a hobby event I was organising. He couldn't come to it.

He then blocked me across everything (even social media where we weren't "friends" anyway!) This didn't matter but it did confuse me.

I checked WhatsApp earlier this evening (a group for the hobby) and I could see what he had written on there but he had blocked me on that as well! I hadn't even thought to check on there since Monday.

Checked the WhatsApp group just now (more messages) and I am unblocked (his face has reappeared!) Checked on other social media and I am unblocked there as well.

I have no intention of making contact with him but this isn't normal behaviour, surely? It isn't the first time either.

I haven't seen him in person for a fortnight (no argument or anything on that day, or indeed on any other day) or messaged, apart from about the hobby on Monday.

Does he expect me to drive round or something? That would never happen uninvited, I've told him we're not meeting up again AND I've been watching Glastonbury which is much more fun.

No it isn't normal behaviour and it's not you're fault

He clearly loves playing mind games and sounds like a mindfuck.

You are definitely better off without him.

He wants attention

About an hour ago he messaged to ask if I'm at home this afternoon.

I said I was confused by his behaviour - the pretending not to have any phone data, ignoring me for 2 weeks, choosing not to attend an event I had organised then pretending everything is fine.

The excuses are so nonsensical that I'm embarrassed. They include that he blocks lots of people when he's staying with friends because his phone security code is easy to work out and his friends might use his phone.

He "didn't know" about the event, despite putting a heart next to it in the WhatsApp group.

He had no answer as to why he's ignored me for a fortnight.

I have called him out on all his answers.

And... guess what...?

No reply. 😁

I don't think he is welcome here this afternoon. 😂

Omg what a dick 😂

He is doing it to get a reaction from you! He wants a message from you saying why have you blocked me. That way he's knows you've noticed! Don't play into his hands!

Hi! I'm in the club.

Currently trying to stop messaging my ex. I've made other threads about this. He broke my trust boundary multiple times, I over reacted the last time it happened, he left, ,6 months being blocked and unblocked by him the rekindled in dec for 2 weeks only to find out he went back to his ex and promised her the world including kids then he tells me "he told her what ever she wanted to hear to get what he wanted " aka sex. I contacted him 3 days ago on the back of a bad experience dating, made me miss him and my brain played all the positives as it does when you don't want it too. He's very openly said he wants to hang out and send time with me still thinks about me and would love to have fun aka sex together with no expectations of the future and he isn't even thinking that far ahead...so basically he's telling me he doesn't want me back or to fix us and rekindle again he just wants sex and yet I'm here contemplating it like if we have sex and spend time together he's going to realise what he's lost and fight for me....when he never did...

Sorry ranting

If he wanted me back he would of messaged me. He just wants sex. And if the sex was good then I'd be winning abit however the sex was boring and rubbish so I don't win either way.

What. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. Me.

Single 32 2 disabled kids no support so guess its easier get back with him than trying to date again 😂

I was just listening to a song and it hit me. I never really fancied him. Not wanting to sound big headed but I’m too good for him. Why have I been fawning over and taking unpleasant treatment from this guy. I think that says a lot about my low self esteem and I’m quite ashamed actually. I bit so long ago said I thought I looked fat that night it started and I didn’t understand why he’d look twice at me and I thought it was a joke but actually when I remember earlier in the day I just thought he looked like a younger version of Kevin Spacey and he was trying a bit too hard. I’m honestly not being nasty just trying to provide an insight.

@Theneverendingcycle you need to realise you don’t need him

Please don't feel ashamed. I've beat myself up so bad over the last few months with what I accepted but I now realise it's my low self esteem and people pleading tendencies and it's all linked back to my childhood. Keep you're head up high 💪 we got this.

Thank you @Kat888. I really appreciate that x