Anyone else trying not not to contact a guy part 2??

[YouAreAllMySymmetry]

Hey loves @namechangeforthis5 @Frith2013 and whoever else I can think of.

How we all doing?

I'm having a weird night; I've been drinking and guess what skill it reminded me I've developed: crying out of one eye. It means that people generally don't notice, in the car, or lying on the couch or in bed.

That's sad, isn't it.

Mine doesn't respond for several days at a time and would leave me hanging over arrangements.

Completely messes with my head..... but l still go back for more 🙄

Mine responded by text at midnight. He's not coming to the hobby thing.

He's still pretending to have no data, despite updating FB etc.

Hopefully I won't need to contact him again. I felt so mithered waiting for that reply.

Hey all,

I was chatting to a guy online for a few months last year. We went on a date in February. Afterwards he kept telling me he wanted to meet again but every time I suggested it he was busy. He eventually pretty much said don't contact me ill contact you. It's been 2 months and I'm really struggling. I know it's crazy as it was one date but I can't stop thinking about it. I also started putting up WhatsApp statuses of fun events even though I've never done WhatsApp statuses before. He clearly knows it's all about him yet I can't stop myself. How do I get over something so irrational?

Because you are desperate- and I am
in the same boat!! Some of my fb posts have been with the intention of my ex gf seeing them as we have had a few periods of backing off. She said that again yesterday morning after another “it’s over conversation “ yet she messages me last night about her son!!! Did reply out of courtesy and has been quiet today although we do have a pre planned event next week to go to. So that will be weird.

But why am I desperate. That's what I don't understand. I know he's not a great guy.

No idea. There is something there possibly? Some chemistry or desire deep down?

Oh I have found my people - it's so difficult. Context is I am in a long term (10yrs) but failing relationship. I am trying but partner has addiction issues and it's breaking me. I cannot see a future. Have a 5 yo kid and want so hard for it to be ok but 8 years of lies from the addiction is heartbreaking. Met a guy at work last year, hadn't fancied anyone for years (you stop looking really don't you) was surprised at myself but ignored and no signs back. Xmas party .. .you guessed it....no I'm not proud. Some text chat for months after, never crossed lines texting as he's aware of situation. He's never said how he feels. Few months on, another night out, same thing. I go through stages of not messaging then I just can't help myself. He has never said he wants more, never instigates a meet up. Another night out and this time he says, no we can't, we shouldn't. I say bye and cry and cry on my own for a while. We then recently went out with friends , I was driving, he had a few and his barriers came down.....he said how he loves chatting with me, his Mum asked who I was as he has obvs mentioned me. He hugged me, I had to drop him at a station, he had his hand on my knee in the car and I think if I'd got out to say bye....well.....I know what would have happened. He always replies, chatty polite, but now I know there's more there but my life is such a mess. I think I need to go NC don't I till my own life is sorted? All you guys out there struggling too, this is so tough!

I've been no contact for ten days now. He hasn't read or replied to the last message I sent.

It's been the hardest ten days of my life.

Have cried pretty much everyday and have struggled to sleep. I know I am a really obsessive person and I need to feel the feelings before this will get better.

I have been using a diary app on my phone and writing down what I would like to say in a text and it stops me sending anything as I re read and know that I sound pathetic.

One good thing is the he doesn't use social media so I can't obsess over that.

@Thewookiemustgo your words are hugely helpful thank you. I can absolutely relate to what you said about not making time for the marriage. I wonder what will happen to me and my DH when our youngest leaves home. It feel like there is nothing left now and I am exhausted.

Hey everyone, just having a mumsnet scroll & realised I’ve hardly thought about my old text waste of time🤣.
I always used to worry if he was ok (generally not) & I can see now it was all self inflicted.
Just had an incredibly upsetting few days & he was always my go to! Didn’t even cross my mind.
Onwards & upwards as they say….winning 🏆😎

That’s awesome @liveinthesticks li. I came on here to say I’m struggling a bit today. But I’m in a funny mood and got stuff going on so I’m sure it’s a mental health thing and not him so need to keep resisting. This thread is so amazingly helpful though

@namechangeforthis5 keep going, mine definitely used to be a thing when I was struggling, actually we both did - god knows why mine ghosted me so spectacularly.
think of all the lovely things in your life & turn to us lot or trusted friends when needed. He won’t make you feel better xx

Its funny how it comes and goes. Last week I was on top of the world, hardly thought about him at all. THis week, I am thinking about him more and more. Wish he would just leave me head space altogether! Got a couple of busy weeks coming up with work and holidays, so just going to keep my head down and think of the positives!

p.s. is it just me, when walking anywhere, do you check all the cars coming past in case he just so happens to drive past at the moment? What a sad case I am 😂

Yes I do that 😂. I haven’t set eyes on him except for video call in 5 years so not likely lol

Not likely for me either as he works away, doesn't stop me being a creepy weirdo though 😂

🤣🤣

@SionnNess lol, we can be creepy weirdos together!

@SweetheartDeal you’re not pathetic, you’re limerant which is hard to get out of. It’s not impossible though, keep making that choice to choose you not the other guy, I think he’s there as a crutch for you because you think don’t have anything left in your marriage. You’re exhausted because, well, life, but also because your mind is trying to do life and trying not to think about him. Stop trying! If I told you to stop thinking about a pink elephant, even though you weren’t even thinking about a pink elephant, you’d see one in your head. Any obsession (I was once diagnosed with OCD, hellish experience) is fed by actively trying to stop it mentally entering your head. It’s counter intuitive but even though you dread it, you just let it happen. The thought enters your head, you take a breath and don’t engage and ruminate further, you notice it and tell yourself ‘there’s that pesky thought again, I’m going to do something else instead.” And you do it. It will happen over and over at first, it’s very tiring to do, but the thing that is more exhausting is thinking “Argh! No! Stop thinking about it! I was doing so well….I’m pathetic etc.” then trying to stop the thought happening which is actually impossible. Notice it when it comes, acknowledge it, refuse to engage further with it and move your thoughts elsewhere, even if you can only manage it for 30 seconds or less. Your brain will stop seeing ot as ‘important’ and information you want to frequently access and with cold turkey and more re-framing it for what it actually is, it will start to fade.
I don’t know about your marriage, it’s easy to neglect the familiar (it’s always been there so always will etc) and glorify the new and novel, time can do that to any relationship. All you can do is cold turkey whoever the other guy is, practise a bit of mindfulness with your thinking (thoughts can’t actually hurt you unless you act on them, a really good psychiatrist friend told me that) and give your husband some time, suggest a night out and see where it takes you. Your marriage might be salvageable but you’ll never know unless you prioritise it. You didn’t marry the guy for no good reason, hopefully he’ll give you reason to believe that again and make the effort with you. Good luck!

Well, my obsession seems to be over.

I told him our "relationship" was over 8 days ago and suddenly, I couldn't be less interested in him.

I wish I knew what made me have such a change of heart. I think a lot of it was boredom - bored of waiting days for the most banal message, bored of driving over just for him to change plans and for me to have to drive back home again, bored of listening to him talk to other people on the phone. Boring sex.

Ha! After our perfectly pleasant exchange about a work thing, I just checked and I'm blocked again on everything!

Why now?!

I'll just pretend I haven't noticed.

I read a thing the other day where someone was saying they coach people who have unhealthy habits (of any kind) and he says to them, before you do anything think - what would a healthy person do?

I love that.

A healthy person wouldn't wait around for scraps from someone who has demonstrated all the many ways in which they're not even good enough for them.

@EstellaWaitHereForMe i love that. I actually feel a bit annoyed he hasn’t text even though I don’t want him to!
@Frith2013 i genuinely think he is the the one with the problem not you

I’m starting to want to message now. I want to know if he’s ok

I bet all these men have other people in their lives who will know if they're ok and step in if they're not.

And they're not all sitting miserably wondering if we're ok...

Too true @Frith2013
He said not so long ago he thinks a lot of me but I’m wondering if that’s with his dick or his heart?

I’ve written a message but not sent it