Anyone else trying not not to contact a guy part 2??

[YouAreAllMySymmetry]

Hey loves @namechangeforthis5 @Frith2013 and whoever else I can think of.

How we all doing?

I'm having a weird night; I've been drinking and guess what skill it reminded me I've developed: crying out of one eye. It means that people generally don't notice, in the car, or lying on the couch or in bed.

That's sad, isn't it.

Here's a thing.

I started a new job. At first I fought and fought it, I didn't really want to move on, but you know what, the people there are slowly becoming my family. I need to actually let that happen and stop running away from it.

I read a thing that said, stop trying to recycle what the universe is trying to replace, and that's what I need to do.

Name changed to join you all. Wish I had found you sooner! All I can say is am relating very hard to so much of how you all feel. Everything makes sense on paper but not in our heads when we are trying to unravel feelings for people we know we are better off without.
I have read the words from Wookie near the top of this thread over and over, no judgment just empathy. I'm sending mine too. Thank you for sharing and making me feel less alone.

I nearly caved in yesterday as well but knew I would feel even worse than I already do! Yesterday was difficult - I dont know why!

I caved today after six days; in some ways I like it because it's just chat and shows can we can stay friendly, if not friends. On the other hand it opens the anxiety/dopamine loop, doesn't it.

It must be a bad day as I also want to cave!!! Trying so hard not to as know it will either make me feel worse when I'm ignored or when I ignite something that will never work. Feel sad today though and miss him.

What did you say @YouAreAllMySymmetry and what did he reply?

And yes to the anxiety/dopamine loop! I want the hit of the high but know the low (whatever that is) and anxiety will be even worse!

Nothing really, just benign chitchat

Two weeks today 🙌🏻 there’s something about 14 days and the dopamine loop as I always feel really low and text him at this point…but made sure I erased every avenue of possible contact this time. Just want to say to him really…after everything you said to me, all the exciting stuff we chatted about for the future, do you really not care if you never speak or see me again?
keep reading my list of all the things I found unattractive about him when my mind starts to wander. Come on all we’ve got this🙌🏻 hope you’ve all got some nice weekend plans xx

I think our last contact was 14th July.

I would quite like to go to the joint hobby over the weekend but don't want the upset of his glaring and pouting at me. Or being overly jolly as though nothing happened.

17 lbs lost in the intervening weeks, new job and new voluntary job.

Haven't seen him at all.

I’ve got anxiety and I realised it never really got better. I just projected it onto him.

Yeah I get that. My whole thing formed during a real period of trauma; he just got caught up in everything I was going through. I think actually he saved my life.

Doesn't mean anything else though, is what I know now. Doesn't mean he was in my life forever, maybe he was there at that time to save my life. Who knows.

Lucky you - you must have sent your lbs to me! 14th Aug since our last meet. Increasingly furious.

I haven't had a relapse BUT....

Like I said in previous post - increasingly furious. He hung around seeing if I would get in touch after his love bomb display and I didnt for a whole three weeks. Saw his shady ass lurking online on whatsapp and then puff gone, like I've said punishment.

All I wanted was him to acknowledge the evening or to say goodbye. Neither, spineless and self serving.

So I have three rather precious books of his and yes I chuck them in a charity shop or in the bin or drop them at his gate (before too long passes) with a little brief note telling him in so many words that he is a spineless sadsack self-serving wanker. I won't be expecting a response. I don't want to reach out via text, as if he has deleted my number he wont be able to get in touch. But I am so furious that someone can just skip off like the haven't behaved like a total and utter selfish low life.

Thoughts everyone?

I've had bursts of being absolutely furious.

Plan, plot, scheme then do nothing!

I’d probably leave them at his gate without the note. I got dumped when I was 17 by this guy who told his mum to tell me he wasn’t in whenever I called him and I still went round to take his Stone Island jacket back 😂. Everyone said I should have set fire to it on his lawn lol

I am 3 weeks today. Very nearly caved in this weekend. Still have the annoying habit of checking to see if he is online constantly and then worrying if he is that he is talking to other women! I am married FFS! I won't initiate now because as someone mentioned about it just starts the whole loop again of anxiety and I am being so unfair to my husband. Part of me wishes he would contact me but what's the point................!

Leave them at his gate in the rain @pubertyalloveragain 😂

I also check to see if he is online @Bestnottoworry. It's like self torture and I wish I had the balls to just delete him... but I still want him to reach out to me. You're right though, because what is the point?!

Day ten today... and it sucks.

I've deleted and blocked on everything but last night checked my blocked list on FB to see if he has the same profile picture!

19 lbs lost so far. I know it's silly but I hope if I do accidentally bump into him, he'll be too confused by that to make any stupid, suggestive comments.

Pride comes before a fall.

I'm embarrassed to say I am once again sitting here with tears in my eyes at the actions of this guy.

He almost NEVER posts on the group whatsapp chat. But when he does, all the other ladies fawn over him, comment and he gets a million hearts. He is very good at the shared hobby but he contributes absolutely nothing in organising, catering etc. And that's OK.

He's married (which I didn't know) and not one person in that group knows. They talk about finding him a nice girl and he laps it all up.

Some photos have been posted about ladies in the group in fancy dress. They're not wearing anything outlandish, or revealing, just looking like normal but on a day out.

Such a dirty, grubby little message from him about their appearances, giving them marks and saying he'll message them all privately. I'm no prude so it wasn't even "looking very sexy, ladies!", it was considerably worse than that.

And they're loving it, writing replies, everyone liking it.

I've left the group, after years. SO tempted to write, "I bet your WIFE is an attractive woman too".

I haven't been to that hobby for 9 weeks, purely to avoid him. Not one single person has messaged to see where I am. He was never my friend. None of those people is my friend.

What a fucking life.

@Frith2013 this is part of your healing and progress. You see him for what he is. Nothing you say to a person like this makes any difference. They believe their own nonsense and entitlement. You have risen far above him and his games.

@Frith2013 yuk! I think you can safely say you dodged a bullet there. You may well have been one of the many women he keeps messaging and enjoying the attention from. It may hurt now, but at least now you’ve got evidence of what a total player he is. His poor wife! I hope somebody tips her off so that she can make some choices of her own about whether she really needs Billy Bigbollocks in her life. She’s always been in a love triangle without realising it, it’s always been him, his wife and his enormous ego.
Sorry you got hurt, Frith, but you really can do and deserve far better than being a part of Crudolph Wankentino’s Hobby Harem. Ugh.

Thank you both. He'll be Crudolph Wankentino forever now.

I have a new strategy now.

Spend 15 minutes being honest that it hurts a lot. Dab eyes. Strut about the house, glowering.

List all the achievements made since you last saw Stupid Man.

List what you would like to achieve before a set point. (I chose New Year's Eve as my point today).

Text someone who you know will actually reply and most likely say something nice. Brother and an auntie today.

Can I just check in today please.

Hi all. My heart hurts today.

That's all.

@Frith2013 I have been through this and it too shalll pass
@YouAreAllMySymmetry do you want to talk?

I was in a bad place this morning, it's OMs birthday today and I really wanted to message him. The urge was really strong however, I luckily have a friend at work who knows the situation and would kick my ass if I contacted him!

As my husband knows the truth, I realise any contact with OM would absolutely mean the end of my marriage and we're working so hard to fix it I can't possibly do this again.

But yeah, occasionally it gets so hard esp as OM is now blocked on all SM for the first time.