Anyone else trying not not to contact a guy part 2??

[YouAreAllMySymmetry]

Hey loves @namechangeforthis5 @Frith2013 and whoever else I can think of.

How we all doing?

I'm having a weird night; I've been drinking and guess what skill it reminded me I've developed: crying out of one eye. It means that people generally don't notice, in the car, or lying on the couch or in bed.

That's sad, isn't it.

Had a nice busy day today then all of a sudden I feel the urge to message and I’ll put it here instead. ‘Are you glad we aren’t speaking anymore?’ Right I’ve written it down now so feel a bit better. Thank you ☺️

I get it me too. Maybe writing it down will help me too, although I did hear giving it any airtime prolongs getting over them.

I still can't believe after a year of a quasi friendship, he just blanks me. Still. Cannot. Believe. It.

I just wonder do I even occasionally cross his mind, can people just flick a switch.

Screw that, who cares. I have to accept that I was just a fun distraction for him and his mundane yet secure and stable life

I’m day 14 and struggling a bit. Weekends hard.

Well done, @Bestnottoworry

Do you have anything interesting coming up next week?

@ Frith2013 Just the usual work!

Guys I need to finally do no contact. I really do.

Everything ok?

I guess. I mean, just...what am I doing? A guy I've seen, what, twice in the last year, and will probably never see again?

Why does he take up my brain space? There's no reason. He drops in and disappears and leaves me feeling at a disadvantage and a loss every time.

I get nothing from this, it takes so so SO much more than it gives. It's been so harmful to my life overall, and I am almost incapable of making it stop.

But I have to.

@YouAreAllMySymmetry I know how awful it makes you feel but you need to clear your mind. I feel the same most of the time but I have to keep thinking that I would have never wanted a life with the OM, he is a self-centred, heavy drinking knob head! When I feel really bad I think of all the things that put me off him; his stupid opinions, weird clothes he has worn, judgemental attitude with other people, just anything that makes me realise he is a prat and even the fact that he bought me NOTHING! I miss going from texting most days for over 6 years to absolutely nothing and the fact he doesn't give a damn hurts like mad but no more and enough is enough! You can do it - if I can then anybody came and I have no self-esteem whatsoever. Good luck! x

The other thing about these men is that they try to make themselves an intimate part of their life in WORDS - the texting all the time WHEN THEY FEEL LIKE IT to keep themself in your mind or the not texting. It is to keep you hooked. I'm doing this or that etc making you feel as if you are important to them but it's just a tool to exert control.

Hi all. I wanted to join please and to say thanks! Reading some of these messages is like a lightbulb going off and made me feel a bit stronger today!

I’ll try and be concise and summarise my situation, might be a bit different to some of you… I separated from my husband of 15 years, over two years ago. Long drawn out divorce, still not finalised. Alcoholic, drug addict and overall arsehole, years of awful behaviour and glad to be shot of him! In April (two years later when I finally felt strong again) I started a relationship with someone new. We just clicked, the sex was great, texts every day and talked most days.

I raised something that upset me a few weeks ago. Basically that it was hard to spend time together because of his childcare arrangements. I had a few days of being ignored and then got a text telling me he wanted to draw a line under it and work on “the things he needs to work on”. I assume his relationship with his daughter which is tricky.

Since then I would love to say I have been strong but I sent some pretty desperate messages in response (I know, I’m ridiculous). I haven’t spoken to him in nearly two weeks and haven’t text since Friday. He’s completely ignored every message but not blocked me (and yes, I keep checking!)

I’m trying so hard not to beg. He’s clearly a man child and emotionally avoidant. But the feelings of rejection and not being good enough are awful. It sometimes physically hurts. Actually worse than separating from my husband as I had years to build up to that and knew it was for the best. I can’t help feeling like I put myself out there again and for what?

And all I want to do is contact him but know it won’t get me anywhere! I’ll either be rejected again or end up picking up a relationship with someone who has now treated me so coldly.

Argh!!! Hoping you ladies bring me some strength and self respect!

I’m in the same boat lovely first toe dip into the dating/relationship world after separating from my ex. Seemed too good to be true…and it was! But totally hooked, he is obviously very indifferent…has done a slow fade over summer. The only way forward was for me to delete his number from my phone so when I was feel low I couldn’t text him! You can do this 👍🏻

It sucks doesn’t it @Jaz1987?! How long were you guys together?

On my side it’s the complete lack of willingness to even address an issue or discuss it. He’s just completely shut down. Which actually tells me all I need to know about how he feels about me and what would have happened in future.

Still not ready to delete his number or block him though...

Do it. Delete the number, the sooner the better. I should have done at least six months ago.

When I tried to get a bit of genuine truth out of mine, he got twitchy and said he was afraid to say something as he wouldn't be able to take it back. NO idea what that could have been and it drives me mad thinking about it.

Not long really but he came with a particularly tragic backstory (widow) and I got suckered in pretty quick 🙄 it takes up more headspace than my actual divorce, your post really rang true! Have a read of getting dumped by text threads I have posted above…really helped me. Still keep thinking/hoping he’s going to text me tho…think I maybe need a new distraction!

Delete delete delete. I nearly text him the other day for a distraction and realised I’d deleted his number

Have just been going through v old stuff on my phone (for work reasons not just a reminiscence, honest) and came across a wee video I'd never even watched before, didn't know I had it, don't remember taking it.

You know what, it's all right there. It's so obvious. Literally a ten second clip and you'd know these people are into each other.

For fucks sake.

You and OM?

Yup @Jaz1987 it is definitely taking up more head space than my divorce ever did! It's so horrible after you've finally put trust in someone and opened up again.

I'm mostly cross because I was finally at a place where I was happy with my life on my own before he came along! I can’t believe I’ve let someone reduce me to such an emotional wreck after all I have survived and been through!

I keep drafting messages that I want to send in the hope I can make him see sense. Pathetic!

Yeah @pubertyalloveragain

It's quite interesting to watch really. I was never quite sure how he felt but actually his body language screams it.

If it helps you ladies, I got back with the OM time and time again even though he hurt me so badly and each time it knocked that self-confidence that he would do it again and he did. Each time was like a rejection all over again. I so want to text him and in the past have pretended to text him by mistake - how sad am I! I even purposely "bumped into him by accident". It all starts again just because he fancies a shag probably and I end up feeling so sad and a bit more dejected! Believe me they just don't change and mine went on for 6 years!

I have definitely considered "texting by mistake" @Bestnottoworry!

Feeling really good today. Been reading/watching loads of stuff about Avoidant Attachment types. Although it may not be true (and I am sure it is because so much fits the bill!) it's giving me strength and also making me realise this isn't a "me" problem. I'm great He's an emotionally stunted fool!

Keep strong ladies x

I have anxiety that involves obsessing over stuff. I thought I was doing well but since go nc I realised that no I was projecting it onto him. I’m fucked up

What's going on @namechangeforthis5

If it helps I think I'm also slightly berserk. But no contact for...6 days so far.