Long term Friend has sent me a D**k Pic!

[Menopausalgoddess]

Hi guys, would appreciate your input. I had a male friend (51) whom I’ve been very close with for many years send me a completely unsolicited D pic. I woke up to it Sunday morning via WhatsApp. He’d sent it around 4am with a comment that said ‘you’re so wrong…but so right!’ EWWW! This friend does have substance abuse issues but I still don’t see that as an excuse. I haven’t replied and from my side the friendship is over. I would never feel safe around him again. I feel sickened and violated. We have mutual friends who will at some point realise I am no longer around as we generally meet at this creepoid’s house. Would you tell them the truth if they ask questions regarding my absence? I’m aware that unsolicited D pics are prevalent from online strangers these days unfortunately but has anyone received one from a long-standing male friend? How did you respond? What was the outcome? TIA

Totally agree. No wonder some men get away with disgusting behaviour when there’s women apologists out there saying ‘it’s only a dick ffs get over it’ and rolling their eyes.
And telling those of us who quite rightly tell the OP it’s a criminal offence and to report it that we’re being OTT

I do get most women wouldn’t report to the police but it’s not a silly little man doing something daft - it’s abusive behaviour and should be taken as such.

It is about sexual display but also about displaying male sexual dominance and their feelings of entitlement to women. I agree with Invent that a grown man sending the dick pic in this context is more about a power move or playing out a personal fantasy, than a hopeful advert of sexual attractiveness. It can be an implied threat of rape.

So as an example, J K Rowling said she got sent so many dick pics (in the hundreds/thousands) online after she spoke out publicly about how a former male partner had abused her violently. She had also been sexually assaulted. I don’t imagine that loads of men suddenly wanted the married Harry Potter author to fancy them and pick them out of her inbox to have sex with, because of what she’d said about her experiences?

Considering the accompanying rape and death threats she got with the dick pics, these images were sent to her as threat and a punishment for daring to speak up about male sexual entitlement to women. I think she said she had been sent enough images to make a coffee table book out of. Absolutely horrifying insight into the psychology of some men.

I read somewhere that when someone sends an unsolicited dick pic, they are basically forcing the other party to engage in a form of sexual activity with them without consent. That is exactly how it feels. It’s a serious act and a violation and should definitely not be minimised. Thanks for your comment.

Don't forget all the omg but if you do something or say something he might actually face the consequences of his actions and it'll all be your fault! You'll be getting him fired or ruining his marriage or some other great steaming pile of victim blaming bullshit and how dare you not protect him from any consequences. Just let the poor man show you his penis, bless him. It's not a big deal. Don't make a fuss.

Times like this I wish keyboards came with a suckerpunch key because fuck me some people need a jab to the chops.

So glad to read you will be telling the truth to mutual friends.
I am old so absolutely cannot understand this vile modern need to send these pics.
It is so revolting and in no way whatsoever sexual IMO.
That men are so beyond deluded as to think that it is acceptable is bizarre.

I agree - there is no need to shield him from the consequences of his choice to cyberflash you.

I'd simply say that his choice and action have changed your opinion of him. They'll know you mean "for the irrevocable worse" without you having to spell it out.

I'm just wondering whether, if you tell it straight, whether there are any others in your circle who will say that the same has happened. OK, there's a first time that someone does something as horrible as this - but there's no way to tell if this is his genuine first or if he's been under the delusion that this is acceptable for some time because previously there have been no consequences.

I'm so glad to read some of the latest updates here.

I felt the "send a laughing emoji " "ask why he is sending a picture of a child's willy ( I mean wtaf)" to be grossly inappropriate and minimising.

I was flashed at when I was in my teens and it was a terrifying experience as it felt to me as if the aggressor was demonstrating how easy it would be to rape me.

This is the online equivalent of. It's not a childish joke or something to be laughed away, it's a violation of your personal space and it's simply disgusting.

It may not have been meant for you

It's not an "overreaction" to report a crime. Maybe men need to think of the potential consequences before doing this shit

That's exactly what it is, yes. It's no different from being flashed at in person, which is also gross and violating.

put in prison, sacked from his job. That'll show him!

Well, it would, but he's unlikely to get a custodial sentence if it's a one-off, as prisons are already over full, and so many men do it. It might be different if it's shown to be part of a pattern. If found guilty, he'd presumably get a record, and that would be a sackable issue in some jobs - but that would be on him, not the OP.

The women on here making small Penis jokes are a disgrace.

It's body shaming! Haven't we, as women, had a lifetime of this?

You wouldn't shame women's genitals so don't shame men.

Absolutely agree in calling this guy all other names under the sun tho. Appalling behaviour!

@Valeriekat Your right its not funny its hilarious.😂

I don't think we should give a flying fuck about hurting the feelings of men who expose themselves to us.

@THisbackwithavengeance

Yeah report him to the police.

He's a "friend" right? Yeah get him put in prison, sacked from his job. That'll show him!

Honestly overreaction much?

Just reply back and say "lol Dave, I think you sent me this in error"

That shuts that it firmly down.

So what if OP was flashed by someone (from a distance for example, where they couldn't physically be harmed)? Would you say that it was an overreaction to report that to the police too?

I'm genuinely interested in your thoughts on that.

If people probe you could send them a screen shot. You could blur out the tip or something and just say

'Totally unsolicited 😑'

They won't ask again 😂

If he ever asks you in a way that you want to respond just say
'What the fuck dude. Why the hell would I want to see that?
Would you send that to your sister? Then why the fuck did you send it to me. Now fuck off'

That way you've made it clear you would NEVER have looked at him sexually and he's fucked up

I've no idea how likely it is that the the police would investigate nor if the results of the investigation would lead to a prosecution, and in turn whether that prosecution would be successful. If OP wants to go that route, then I hope it does lead to positive action.

I would not (I wouldn't want the stress of it, nor for it to be that much in my thoughts).

But I would be straightforward in telling people the reason for the end of the friendship. Social consequences matter - or should do - but will not come about unless people are prepared to say that cyberflashing is unacceptable and that you want nothing to do with a flasher.

I’m pretty sure I won’t be reporting. As you say social consequences can teach lessons. I was his closest confidant and as sick as he is, I know he’ll feel my absence. I just don’t want to be around him again. I have archived the chat but as yet I’ve not blocked him as I was curious to see if he’d delete the image and/or apologise. So far nothing, which strikes me as very odd. I have the distinct feeling he’s going to act like nothing has happened. I’ve deleted him from social media and I will block him eventually. I know some will think I should block straight away but I’m morbidly fascinated by the fact that he’s just left it…there…on read?! So weird.

I think the text was not for you.
If you want to cut contact that is fine. As i think it wasn't for you I wouldn't say anything to anyone other than we have had a disagreement.

It was most definitely for me. I have no doubt about that.

@Menopausalgoddess
In that case, more reasons to cut all contact. Don't give him a chance to made up a story.
You are better without someone like that in your life.

It's not about protecting the feelings of scum like this guy...its about protecting the feelings of the lovely normal men and boys who have smaller penises and are faced with a lifetime of reading 'small penis' is a terrible insult and joke and mocking and shame.

This is disgusting. I can't believe some posters are encouraging you to discuss it with him.

As for telling your friends, you should not be the one embarrassed or covering up vile/abusive behaviour. That's how they get away with it.

On a lighter note (and please note this in a tongue in cheek comment) you could always get the photo printed on a T-shirt and wear it the next time you meet your friends so they fully understand 😂

I love this idea. It could be captioned 'x's penis' underneath the photo just so they know it's his.

Erm…thanks for for suggestion but it’s a ‘no’! 🤣