Long term Friend has sent me a D**k Pic!

[Menopausalgoddess]

Hi guys, would appreciate your input. I had a male friend (51) whom I’ve been very close with for many years send me a completely unsolicited D pic. I woke up to it Sunday morning via WhatsApp. He’d sent it around 4am with a comment that said ‘you’re so wrong…but so right!’ EWWW! This friend does have substance abuse issues but I still don’t see that as an excuse. I haven’t replied and from my side the friendship is over. I would never feel safe around him again. I feel sickened and violated. We have mutual friends who will at some point realise I am no longer around as we generally meet at this creepoid’s house. Would you tell them the truth if they ask questions regarding my absence? I’m aware that unsolicited D pics are prevalent from online strangers these days unfortunately but has anyone received one from a long-standing male friend? How did you respond? What was the outcome? TIA

Exactly this.

Thank you ladies, this has been helpful. As I said, the main issue I had to resolve was what to tell mutual friends. I felt some unwarranted need to keep it secret to protect his dignity but I can see now that he has no respect for mine for f’ him! I shall be telling the truth. Thanks again. X

Happy to read your last post. As women we're expected to excuse men, protect them and stay silent for their benefit,
I'm proud of you for choosing to use your voice.

Aww thank you, I’m a little teary 🥹

I do wish men would understand that just because you're okay with casual sex, it doesn't mean you're okay with casual sex with just anyone. And even if you were up for it with someone, the way to open negotiations is not with a dick pic.

Not quite the same… but a few years ago I had 2 platonic male best friends, both men. We used to go out together and with others and it was a laugh.

One day after a few years of friendship I woke up to a “you’re amazing so sexy, I’d love to shag your brains out”. Totally out of the blue. We were both in relationships at the time. I’m sure he was drunk. We didn’t see each other that much then anyway, hadn’t fallen out or anything. It did stall our friendship though, I ended up dating the other guy for 3 months (disaster!) and the first man was sympathetic via text afterwards.

With this man, he’s an idiot. I don’t think you really owe any of the other friends an explanation.

Don't you think it's sad too though.

A year ago I'd have said my two best friends were men. Now I'm not friends with either of them because sex got in the way. And I miss them and I'm sad about it.

Good on you for deciding not to keep ibis disgusting behaviour secret, any shame here is his. I couldn't maintain any form of friendship after this, it would be seen as condoning it and even in his mind encouraging him.

Once I received one of these useless pictures while I was at work and my phone was on the desk with settings adjusted so that photos appeared on the Lock Screen. 😡

block him

Yep. It's happened to me more times than I can count.

I think I've made a friend who values me as a person and likes spending time around me- turns out they're just waiting for their moment to try to sleep with me.

Don't feel foolish OP - lots of men are like this and I've never seen them coming, either.

@Menopausalgoddess what a pig! He is truly disgusting. It's one thing to send a pic like that when there is a request for it but to me, unsolicited dick pics are the same as flashing and the mark of a pervert who gets off on the reaction.

Tell all your friends he is a pervert and you don't feel safe around him.

Don't let him slink off with his limp 3 incher and saggy sack to perv on another person.

I would tell him it's fucking grim and illegal. If he protested his innocence and insisted it was meant for someone else, profusely apologised, then I would consider if I could forgive him.
If I didn't want to actually confront him, and just go NC, then I'd have no issue telling our other mutual friends the reason why I don't speak to him anymore.

Totally agree its disgusting and sad and offensive. Really sad for you.

Can we stop with the small Penis digs tho? It perpetuates body shaming.

Imagine this conversation the other way around and a load of men were saying 'tell her her flaps are too big' , 'tell her how disgusting her flaps are' , 'laugh at her long flaps'...then imagine all the women with longer labia reading this thread and feeling shame.

It's absolutely not ok to send unsolicited dick pics.
It's absolutely not OK to make small dick remarks either.

Women are better than this

Yeah report him to the police.

He's a "friend" right? Yeah get him put in prison, sacked from his job. That'll show him!

Honestly overreaction much?

Just reply back and say "lol Dave, I think you sent me this in error"

That shuts that it firmly down.

But he didn't send it in error, so why does OP have to minimise her feelings and pretend she found it funny? She didn't.

Realistically he's unlikely to either lose his job or go to prison for a dick pick, unless it's a pattern of behaviour. He might just get a visit that's enough to give make him think, but that's on him.

Let's not minimise feelings to make things palatable for a man who's turned out to be a sex pest. It's grim.

Probably won’t shut it down though. This isn’t a friend clumsily asking someone if they’d like to go for coffee or something, which would deserve a polite rejection. This is more like flashing- any interaction will be seen as a positive. If she says lol she’ll probably get more innuendo.

i wouldn’t phone the police but this isn’t the time to be nice.

Well he should have thought about that before committing a criminal offence then . Why is it on women to make light of sleazy fucking male behaviour?

He won’t go prison or lose his job. At most he’ll get a visit to warn him but it might make the creepy fucker think twice about doing it again

Think you can actually report him for this? It is a criminal offence to share unsolicited intimate photos and you feel, rightly, violated. You may not be the first person he has sent this too - nor likely the last, unless he is stopped.

That's really not ok Dave, you're not the person I thought you were. We can no longer be friends.

None of my friends have ever sent a dick pic to me.
He's a sexual predator, and deserves whatever he gets.

The things people on MN advise others to phone the police over can be quite ridiculous.

No, don’t phone the police because someone has sent you a picture of his knob. Tackle it yourself by telling him he’s a creep and to fuck off. And yes, tell your wider circle. Show them the message even. If it upsets him, tough titty.

Job done.

I think you are taking a good approach.

I'd send a message - even though I knew it was intentional - saying "You must have sent this in error. Cyberflashing is now an offence, so you need to make sure in future you send such pictures only to those you know have consented"

And tell friends, only if they ask, that he sent an unsoliticted dick pic, and even though it might have been an error, it has changed how you see him.

But there is one reaction they dread: ridicule. I'd be tempted to reply saying you always imagined it would be bigger. Then block him.

Im so sorry. I recently had to delete a male friend of 40 years who inexplicably stsrted posting appalling rascist stuff on my facebook page. He'd never shown any signs of this before. I let him know why our friendship was over and that was that.
Id tell him why he's no longer a friend and if anyone ssks tell them.

I wouldn't dream of protecting him and covering this up for him. It's a crime for a reason and needs to be reported. Be sure to tell your mutual friends why you've blocked him or he'll make something up about you.

Depressing how many think it's an over-reaction to report it.