Is he cheating

[Lostandconfus3d]

Is he cheating?

My partner (M50) has been acting weird towards me (F37) for a while. Sex hasn’t been as frequent. He goes between being lovely to acting like he doesn’t want me around and snapping with me.

A couple of weeks ago I found viagra in a suitcase he uses when we travel or he goes away for work trips. There was only 1 left in the pack of 8. I questioned him on this and he blew up claiming he uses them for me when he has had a few drinks and can’t preform. I cannot think of one occasion when he has been drunk where he could have taken them and if he did it didn’t work!

I chose to rug sweep thinking maybe he was telling the truth or I was mistaken. Last week he was being super off with me didn’t want me around. He told me Thursday night he was having an early night and said he would speak to me the next day. When I woke to message him in the morning he had been online at 3.13am although he had told me he was sleeping by 10pm. When I asked if he slept well he said he went straight to sleep after he said goodnight.

I went to his house the next morning and all of my possessions were “hidden” in the spare room with the door closed. Shoes, clothes everything. He said he was tidying my mess and not to over think. I then seen 2 bottles of wine, a bottle of Prosecco (which he doesn’t drink) and several beers in his bin. It’s making me question is he cheating? I never mentioned the drinks I did ask again if he slept well or if he had been up late and he was adamant he went straight to sleep.

Has he been taking the viagra for someone else? Hiding my belongings when someone else is coming over to stay up drinking with him all night??

I will add he has previous for EA/possible kiss/seeking validation which I discovered by snooping a few months back and he promised he would never hurt me this way again. I’m so confused

@Lostandconfus3d I’m so sorry to hear this, I was really hoping that you would be updating us that you’d continued to have a peaceful week and were feeling better. I’m so angry on your behalf, how dare he.

Please do press charges and get a restraining order. I had hoped you were right that he would just completely cut contact but like a lot of abusers his behaviour has clearly escalated as he realised he had lost control of you. You have been so strong, I know it’s exhausting, you need to keep advocating for yourself but take any offers of practical help you can IRL. We’re all here for you, take care

I'm so angry he's done this, as I'm sure anyone who's read the full thread will be. As others have said, please press charges and ensure the police know all the history of abuse and control. We are all thinking of you and here for support, let us know how you get on.

Wow was NOT expecting that! What an absolute cunt! He’s really shown his true colours here, hasn’t he.

I’m so sorry he did that to you and I hope you have the support you need @Lostandconfus3d - we’re all here for you.

I'm so sorry. Hope you are doing ok

Oh my god you poor thing. You've been through it all and now that bastard has attacked you. How dare he? Please make sure you get him charged.

Oh God No! Wasn’t expecting to read that! 🥺 What a complete arsehole- he has deffo shown his colours now he’s lost control.
I hope you have support to press charges and “out” everything that you have been dealing with for so long 💐

I'm so sorry, absolutely press charges and get a non-molestation order. Rights of Women will guide go through the process.

Blimey. He's got it made, hasn't he?
You already do all his housework and gardening. He's never going to allow you to move in, why would he?
And he has already moved on with the next woman. She comes on the nights you don't and probably has no idea you exist either.
I'd not only dump him I'd show up on a night when you're not due to be there and let her know what a scumbag he is.

@SiobhanSharpe please read the updates. OP has left (she was amazing and so brave) and has now been attacked by this man.

Yes, I'm so sorry I missed her latest update.
This is awful news, OP I hope you're OK.
Hope the police are involved too.
Sending you very best wishes and my admiration that you managed to leave.

What a disgusting excuse for a human. I hope you’re ok @Lostandconfus3d

please press charges. It’s so easy to back down, but please stay strong. X

That is awful. I hope you have someone with you @Lostandconfus3d
Sending you love x

Well he's mad isn't he, the OP "did" for him didn't she, he has lost his domestic servant, gardener, and general dogsbody.
I am so sorry @Lostandconfus3d that this has happened, what an utter piece of work he is, please look after yourself and do what's best for you x

@Lostandconfus3d

Oh no! I'm so so sorry you had to experience that! I hope there is no serious injury.

Now just follow the instructions of the police. Keep any paperwork they give you. Hopefully you'll be given a panic alarm and a protection order.

Seek support IRL. You'll be ok, you'll get through this. Remember that “You are Braver than you believe, Stronger than you seem, Smarter than you think, and more Loved than you’ll ever know” -A. A. Milne

I’ve just sat and read your thread OP. So pleased you have gotten away from this man.

Was disgusted to read your update. What an absolute bastard. I hope you’re ok. Well as ok as you can be. I hope he gets charged!

Omfg OP, I hope you're okay?! What a nasty POS, you're well rid of him! Make sure you get people around you to support you through this xx

I hope you are OK op.

I'm so sorry, @Lostandconfus3d. As others have said, he's really shown his true nature now, hasn't he 😡

I hope you're not too badly hurt physically, though of course you must be traumatised and exhausted. Angry, too! Is somebody looking after you now?

Please do tell both police and the hospital about everything that's been happening, all the background as well as this shocking attack. It's a good call to get advice from Rights of Women - their advice line opens on Tuesday and they also have an online tool, linked on the contact page.

In the meantime the police, health & social workers, and Women's Aid should be able to help. Wishing you safety and comfort. xx

Not saying he isn’t a dick or he isn’t cheating, but, the Viagra has absolutely no relevance to whether or not he is cheating. You either have erection issues or you don’t, and viagra isn’t effective give with alcohol anyway.

that said, he is taking you for a mug, and is having his cake and eating it, whether it be with another woman or not, but certainly taking advantage of your good nature.

Only way your going to know is either by asking him, or, going over to his as a ‘surprise’ on a night he says he is ‘busy’

@JIMMI85, read OP's posts!

Lost, I hope you're not badly injured. I'm so sorry you are going through this hell.♥️

You obviously haven't read the thread. All of that does not matter now.

Read the full thread. OP is past that now, it’s irrelevant.

Oh Jesus Christ.

I hope you're ok. Physically. Mentally.

At least this is absolute closure. He's not just an abuser, he's a fucking psychopath. Any weaknesses you may have felt and waivered, this will have put a stop too. Silver linings, and remaining positive, hey.

It's all logged with the police now, and I hope you've told them of his abuse too. They will have seen a thousand of him, so no matter how much he tries to suggest you're crazy and no one wants to hear what you say, to them, he'll be virtually textbook and you will be believed. I've been in your shoes there.

When you feel up to responding, please do, just so we know you're ok. You've been in my thoughts, and I imagine many others on this thread too.

Sending strength and solidarity x

So sorry to hear this, hopefully he didn't do too much damage, how absolutely terrifying for you.

He's shown his true colours now, after realising that he couldn't control you with words he's turned to physical intimidation, he really is the lowest of the low.

I really hope the police take this seriously, and he leaves you alone. Do you have any real life support, your friend you recently reconnected with perhaps?