Found something in Husband's office bag

[BettyMs2024]

Hi ladies, I was shocked to find condoms in my husband's office bag.

For context, we have been having a strained relationship for the past 1.5 years with minimal to no physical contact.

I am unable to process this situation and feel completely lost. Please advise me on what steps I should take. I don't want to ignore this!
I work so hard professionally and on kids front and this is making me feel 😪 I actually don't know what to feel about this!

What a childish thing to say.

There are many reasons for someone to not have sex, it doesn’t give you a free pass to cheat.

What if someone has just had a baby or a vasectomy?
How long does their partner have to wait until it’s acceptable to go and find sex elsewhere?
A week, a month?

I know people who are having sex but they still cheat because it’s not as often as they like or just because they like the attention.

If you are not happy in the relationship for whatever reason, then you end it before having sex with someone else.

I personally could not be in a relationship with no sex or anything less than at least a couple of times a month.
I wouldn’t cheat though, I would just try and change things and if they still didn’t change then I would find someone compatible.

I would never cheat because I have morals and still respect my partner and myself.
You obviously don’t have any morals, nor have any respect for your partner or yourself.

Why?

They have been strained with no physical contact for a year and a half. No mention of either taking steps to address that. What's the point in looking for a whatsapl that proves he's snagging someone else?

@BettyMs2024 what outcome are you hoping for? Would you have been hapoy to continue as you have for the last 1.5 years?

I'd say whether he's cheated or not the relationship is dead in the water. No physical contact for a year and a half? Like nothing? No kissing, cuddling?

And him wanking would be cheating? No. This doesn't make me think you're being reasonable.

It sounds like you're housemates and neither of you has done anything to try to repair it. Intimacy doesn't just stop, there was a downward spiral before the last time you touched eachother. You've both allowed this relationship to die. And honestly I don't think you expect someone to just live with no intimacy forever.

Respectfully, if you think your husband having a wank after over a year of no sex is cheating, you need a reality check.

I'd be very hurt to be cheated on and I have been before, but if we hadn't had sex for over a year I think it's a gray area and I'd be more understanding after the initial emotional response had run it's course.

Tbh I highly doubt he's having a posh wank with a condom and anybody saying that here is just naive. He's likely cheating.

Do you and your partner talk about sex or the lack of it? Is it an awkward unspoken thing? What's the relationship like between the two of you? You truly cannot expect somebody to dance along for years sexless because you don't fancy it, without addressing it, and without you trying. Unfortunately people do have needs and if you've gone from bonking like rabbits and trying to look good for your partner to the opposite, you should expect him to not be as happy as before. That doesn't mean it's morally okay for him to cheat - it really isn't. But no sex for over a year unless you've been PP then I think it's slipping into a gray area where I can understand why he'd do it. That is serious medical issues aside on your end, also - if your physically unable to have sex or it causes you pain, and you've discussed this, and he hasnt broached the subject of sex with other people, then it's absolutely awful for him to do. Same with post partum.

Confront him, but if you know you could have done more in the relationship and you've let sex and romance take a backseat and you haven't cared about his needs.side of things, then go into the conversation with an open mind. He's been dishonest and sly either way, and those are not nice qualities. I'm just aware that when relationships are failing or dying that the dynamic changes and you can't expect things to carry on as they were without putting in the effort. Good luck

Can we have an update when you confront him please. I want to know if he's cheating or not and why he is if he is.

Are you in a similar situation, why do you need to know this

Did you even read the post you're replying to? Op said she is not the one refusing sex. He is.

Respectfully, if you think your husband having a wank after over a year of no sex is cheating, you need a reality check.

Hard agree. What he does with his body alone is not something you should have a say in. To think you do is wholly unreasonable.

If wanking is on the level of cheating to you, then you probably should end the marriage for both of your sakes.

By this logic, op should be the one to have the affair. She clearly states she has never said no to sex with her husband.

You've taken this out of context.

Op is saying she would be hurt if he's jerking off because of no sex, because she is up for it! He is the one not wanting sex with her anymore.

Sometimes I want a wank and not sex. It's two different experiences.

Anyway, earlier I agreed she should probably talk to him and tell him to be honest without the bs of darvo. If he can't, that's a pretty definite answer too.

lol at he is a street pastor idea.😂😂😂 I’m sure the OP would know about it and have no issue with it.

As for the bag from a year ago? It’s his WORK bag, not a travel one etc etc…

Cone on, you are clutching at straws and you know it.

@BettyMs2024 your last post puts all the posters who assumed that it was you who didn’t want sex and therefore he was entitled to cheating look like twats.

Oh the assumptions! If someone doesn’t want sex, it has to be the woman!

No I actually have sex with my partner so we're not in a friendship state like the op is.
She put it on the Internet therefore nosey parkers like me want to know what's next

Why "in a week or so", @BettyMs2024 ? Why not now? What will change or be different "in a week or so" that will change you speaking to him now?

@SoreAndTired1 will prob give her time to gather her thoughts, keep herself together and process what she’s just found out…
Also time to gather more info and investigate without him being suspicious. She shouldn’t put all her cards on the table straight away!

Very aware that they are two different experiences.

I'm not sure why you're choosing to be obtuse.

Oh the poor men not having sex 🙄
Some of the comments are ridiculous.
OP didn't state she was the cause of the no sex and it doesn't matter either way.
You don't cheat!!!
Won't somebody think or the men 🙄🙄🙄

WTF? This is someone's life, not Coronation Street. Never give advice/support online with the expectation of getting something back. It's not how it works.

You think wanking is cheating? Why?

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