Found something in Husband's office bag

[BettyMs2024]

Hi ladies, I was shocked to find condoms in my husband's office bag.

For context, we have been having a strained relationship for the past 1.5 years with minimal to no physical contact.

I am unable to process this situation and feel completely lost. Please advise me on what steps I should take. I don't want to ignore this!
I work so hard professionally and on kids front and this is making me feel 😪 I actually don't know what to feel about this!

😂👆👏

I don't see why people are shocked when their partner has sex elsewhere when they havnt had sex for so long in the relationship tbh. I would expect it. No it's not right but it's generally what happens and if there's finances and kids involved most don't sit down and discuss the fact that they are wanting sex somewhere else.

My stomach turns at the word "sex".
My husband has never cheated (roughly five years).
I suppose it's all about people.

Feel angry OP. Move on, you deserve to be happy in life and you never will be in this situation. Photograph them and just start divorce proceedings.

I assume he's got a pair of hands and if his bollox turn blue he can knit himself a willy bollox warmer. I doubt they will drop off.

I think this is very much something to think about. The life of constantly wondering will be hell. Even though you found condoms I hope you still get a sti check even if the sex was rare to be safe. OP please choose you. You are worth more then this.

Then we'd have a post saying i caught DH knocking one out in the shower, what do I do? Or I caught DH watching gngbang prn on the laptop, should I leave him?

Alas in this case the crime is more serious. I'd be tempted to track his whereabouts. Either through a phone app or something gps related in the car. More than likely a woman at work. But leaving johnnies in his work bag was a schoolboy error, almost like he wanted to be caught.

By ending one relationship before he starts another

That's totally irrelevant

Have you asked him? Rather than second guessing and coming online.. have a conversation with him? You never know there might be a completely Innocent reason .. office joke or something...

Talk to him, not just about the condoms but all of it!

I wish more people had your faith. Giving someone the chance to explain isnt the mumsnet sisterhood way.😂

Treestumpp · Today 19:07
SillyHam · Today 16:33

Why have you had no psychical contact for 1.5 years. Its Inevitable really, you need sex in your relationship for it to work else it's just a friendship.
It's true. What's the man meant to do? Paddy has needs.

You are presuming that the no sex was an arbitary decision by the OP. It may have been , but then you don't know why. She has needs too, and perhaps he wasn't fulfilling them.
It may have been his idea.
What does she expect him to do? Have a conversation about the situation, not have sex with someone else on the side.

@Treestumpp ... so it seems perhaps I should have yelled LTB 😂😂

And if the roles were reversed she'd be getting told Deny, Deny, Deny.

Office joke would have to be the lamest excuse ever surely ?! I'd be telling him to go and get that bag with condoms in, pack and leave.

On the spot he'd be well stuck to think of an excuse unless he's teaching sex ed in schools. Or maybe a party trick, ive seen a guy unravel one, put one up his nose and bring it out of his mouth after some snorting. Quite a skill.

Treestumpp · Today 19:50
'On the spot he'd be well stuck to think of an excuse unless he's teaching sex ed in schools. Or maybe a party trick, ive seen a guy unravel one, put one up his nose and bring it out of his mouth after some snorting. Quite a skill.'

Oh, I believe you, Treestump. Your posts give away the fact that you probably would know that guy, and be impressed. Enjoy.

So OP says she has not been well, which is why their sex life was affected. Her DH should have been supportive of her if she was ill. Instead she says he became distant from her. And now she has found these condoms in the work bag. I really don't understand the pp who are somehow blaming her for the situation she is in now. She could not help being ill but her DH could and should be held to account for his behaviour.
I'm of the opinion OP that you should take advice asp on how you would stand if you and your DH were to seperate/ divorce. Then I think you should tell him about finding the condoms and try and have a frank and open discussion about what is going on .
Whatever you decide to do best wishes going forward.

If you ask him, he'll lie.

So start keeping a closer eye. See if you can access his phone or emails in some way. You will need proof before you confront him.

Do you have joint finances? Jointly owned home? I think the first thing I’d do is take half the money from any joint accounts and put into my own account so you know he can’t take it all.

Then sit down for a calm chat. I think it’s reasonable to assume he’s either having sex or wants to have sex with someone else. So you need to hear about that and then decide if you think your marriage can be saved (and if you /he want it to be saved).

Then just go from there. If he’s been unfaithful I think you’d be entitled to ask him to leave the marital home and hopefully amicably agree a divorce settlement.

I understand men lie in this situation but OP found the condoms in his work bag. What further proof does she need because she knows they weren't to use with her?.The only "innocent " explanation he could have would be the dubious " posh wank" one and why would he suddenly have started using them for that purpose if he never has before.

Talk about kicking someone when they’re down.

As far as you know he’s not cheated …

She really doesn't need proof. I think reading her posts the trust is gone you don't need proof to take whatever steps she decides. Proof can be really challenging to get and honestly will the proof make it any easier?

Sometimes people can get very focused on proof but a lot of the time there may not be conclusive proof but the desire for it can be damaging. Sorry just saw a friend get caught in this cycle for years and I probably am a bit sensitive to it.

I think you need to ignore the ones saying no sex = cheating or divorce full stop.
I would sit him down and tell him you want the truth and you'll know if he lies to you.
Don't jump to a quick decision without getting some answers, it might be sensible to get some legal advice so you know where you strand too. Personally, I would struggle to forgive if cheating had occurred, but that's me, it's your life to decide on. He should be supporting you, in sickness and in health and all that.