how old is too old to live at home?

[beckybarefoot]

Following on from another thread, where there's a 24 year old still living at home, it would appear that he's working and mum feels he should stay as long as he likes whereas step dad it would appear seems to want this young lad to leave. (I do not doubt theres a massive back story which i not referring too)

The overwhelming consensus appears to be that the son should be allowed to stay for as long as he wants and that Step dad should lump it or leave!

How old is too old? At what age did you leave home? did you leave home because you wanted too or were you forced into it? How long do you expect for your children to live at home with you?

I was forced to leave home and marry at 16, it was a long time ago and I'm over it now. My DH and i have 6 kids between us, ranging from 22 to 35, only the 22 year old lives at home now, she wants to go, and is saving for a mortgage and as soon as she able she wants to go..

All my children know, that if they get into trouble that they should 'come home' but certainly not on a permanent basis

I moved out at 19 had to and wanted to as I couldn’t take it any longer. Years ago I would have cringed at 25 year olds living at home but in the current climate and the the lack of affordable rents, extortionate house prices, I can absolutely understand why people stay at home longer. Different times now.

I moved in with a friend so it can be done but it would certainly be harder now. My kids will always have a home with me as long as they want, the same can be said for their dad and his home.

I left home at 19 I couldn't wait to have the freedom and independence of living on my own. My sister and brother still live at home at 38 and 31, my brother half heartedly talks of getting a flat but my sister openly
admits she'll live at home forever. They have it too easy at home but my mum (a widow) likes having them at home I think

Times are different now the census revealed the most common living arrangements for young people is living at home.

Renting is expensive, buying is hard I don't judge nobody tbh

I don't think there is such a thing as too old if all parties are happy and contributing to the household. However one of my DPs is an immigrant and from a culture where plenty of people stay with their DPs until they get married which often isn't until late 20s-mid-30s, and multigenerational living is also not uncommon.

I have a late 20s single sibling who still lives in our family home with our DPs. Works well for all of them. I left home for uni and never went back myself as DH and I met and became a couple a few months before that so then we just lived together after our first year of uni.

I went to uni at 18, came home for Christmas and Easter holidays and some of the summer holidays but wasn't at home for the rest of the year. When I graduated, I started work in my university town, a couple of hundred miles from where my parents lived. I never lived with my parents again but it took a couple of years to move all my stuff out and it still felt like home until my parents moved house.

My partner, on the other hand, was still living at home when we got together and didn't move out until we bought a house together when we were in our early 30s.

Very different paths. I don't think either is right/wrong, better/worse - just different circumstances.

I was kicked out at 16 and still feel angry towards my mum because of it

Id say past 30 is a bit too old BUT if it means they can save for a house deposit whilst contributing to the bills/housework then its all good.

I moved back home at 22 and my mum said I could stay as long as I liked as she had lived at home until she got married in her 30s, I ended up caring for her until she died when I was 25.

I have friends that still live at home (we’re all early 30s) and quite a few have ended up caring for parents already.

I think as long as they are working, cooking and cleaning etc then I don’t see the problem.

im sorry to hear this.. sadly my mum had passed and i lived at home with my dad, and he needed me gone so he could be given a bungalow.

i hope you can get some help and support

Left home at 18 for uni didn’t come home in holidays as I had pets. Moved in with now husband at 21 and bought our house at 24/25. I don’t have any friends still at home

Posted too soon. But I am in the north. Husbands friends down south are all still at home except 1/2

I think MiL would still be breast feeding if she had her way. I think there’s a fine line to draw between nurturing and failure to launch.

I think it depends..

I moved back home from 27-29 to save for a deposit.

On paper living with your mum at 29 sounds like real "failure to launch" territory.

My mum and i look back on the time fondly and it facilitated my first home.
A decade on I'm married with 2 kids in a nice family home. Without my mums support i wouldnt be here and my life would have been much harder financially.

Its different for everyone i guess...🤷🏻‍♀️

It depends on the circumstances:
If the child living at home has:
Other people they have social contact with
Pulls their weight financially and contributes towards house upkeep etc.
Everyone is happy with the arrangement
Then great!

But I think there's two scenarios that come up a lot:
The individual relies on/is relied on heavily by the the parents emotionally and struggle with social situations and become isolated, say they are happy but never learn how to make friends or run a household (what happens when the parents pass away)

The child has mental health issues, and the parent enables behaviour that is not conducive towards getting help (not intentionally, most often because the parent is obviously terrified of upsetting the child or thinks they are being supportive) because parents aren't mental health professionals and can't be expected to know what's support and what's enablement, and if you have a child that doesn't seek help, you will struggle to get answers for yourself.

I left at 19 to get married, but it was different then. Only 5% went to Uni, so by 19 a lot of us had been working for a couple of years already, rents were cheaper, and you could get 100% mortgages. It was considered weird to be still living with your parents in your 20s and a bit of a joke to be honest.

Now loads don't finish their education until 22/23 Unless they get a decent job, they can't just buy a home or rent a nice flat. So it's much more common for children to stay in the family home for longer.

I left home a week after I turned 17..
My older dc left at 21. To live with a partner.. Ds was 24 when he bought his home alone.. Ds 18 joined the army. And ds 21 moved in with older db at nearly 20. Adult dd came back for a month when her relationship broke down but rented alone then...
Dc always welcome to visit it stay. They are allowed to still need me /us..

I agree,I don't want my adult ds paying for someone else's mortgage,I want him to save as much as he can as that's the only way he'll manage to get a deposit together.

Times have changed so have the rents!

No such thing. Everyone's circumstances are different. I emigrated as an 18 year old. I hope my own children feel welcome to stay until they are comfortable and secure in their independence, whenever that may be. Mummy do your washing and all the cooking and cleaning still, that's another matter.

It’s really circumstantial but I think after 25 I would expect most DC to have left home. For sure after 30. SIL is 39 and still living at home though! I suspect she has some MH issues and as @Foxblue has said, PIL aren’t helping the situation with their behaviour towards her.

I'd want my kids to move out by 25 at the absolute latest but they'd always by welcome back in a crisis.

I think you can style it out living at home when you’re still in uni or saving for a deposit but for most, if the adult child is working but has no want to move on, I do think many would question what their plans were. There’s definitely a tipping point once you start hitting them mid 20s, education is over and work life has begun… surely that’s healthy too or you can become massively enmeshed with family.

I left at 18 for uni and would have gone sooner if I could have. When we were early 20s+, the maturity gap between those who had moved out and those still at home was massive. I felt sorry for them.
I moved back home for a few months at 35 after a breakup. It was tough but I was so glad of it.
I think parental home should always be there to fall back on if you need to, but it does no party any favours to have an adult child living like an actual child indefinitely.

I spent my uni years living at home in the holidays, away during term time. And a year abroad. When I graduated, I moved out completely. I moved back in with my parents, with dc in tow, when my husband left and I wasn't allowed to stay in the house without him (it was tied to his job). That was in my early 30s. I'm still living at home now in my mid 40s. My plan is to move out when my dc leave for uni, unless my parents need a live-in carer. I'll be nearly 50. It works for us. I don't really care if other people who are not affected by it disapprove.

Never. My house is their home for as long as they want it. To come and go from and bring partners and children to live if necessary. I have a DC mid 20s still at home. For his sake, I'd hope he'd moved out to live with his partner by around the 30 point, as I'd think they'd prefer that. But as far as I'm concerned as long as they were happy to he here I'll be happy to have them.

I don’t think we can compare what we did with what young people do know, because the housing market is so different. I went to uni at 18 and never went home. I was able to rent a small house on my own graduate salary, while also saving for a deposit. For the vast majority of young people now, that just isn’t possible.