how old is too old to live at home?

[beckybarefoot]

Following on from another thread, where there's a 24 year old still living at home, it would appear that he's working and mum feels he should stay as long as he likes whereas step dad it would appear seems to want this young lad to leave. (I do not doubt theres a massive back story which i not referring too)

The overwhelming consensus appears to be that the son should be allowed to stay for as long as he wants and that Step dad should lump it or leave!

How old is too old? At what age did you leave home? did you leave home because you wanted too or were you forced into it? How long do you expect for your children to live at home with you?

I was forced to leave home and marry at 16, it was a long time ago and I'm over it now. My DH and i have 6 kids between us, ranging from 22 to 35, only the 22 year old lives at home now, she wants to go, and is saving for a mortgage and as soon as she able she wants to go..

All my children know, that if they get into trouble that they should 'come home' but certainly not on a permanent basis

Saving £750 a month is a hefty ask for anyone.

My children will always have a home with me, although I doubt they'll always want it! Luckily dh (not their dad) feels the same and loves having them around.

Problem is as soon as they're over the really difficult age they're off, so you don't get to live with the lovely easy going adult! DD's 26 and moving in with her boyfriend soon.. will really miss having her around.

My DD never returned after university and DS moved out at 20. I didn’t expect them both to have left home so young (I thought I’d have a few years of rent!) I’ve always believed that our job as parents is to prepare our children for flying the nest. My expectation was that they should have left home before 30. Obviously children with additional needs are a different matter.

I posted on the other thread and I know I differ from the consensus.

I think that it is unhealthy for an earning adult to live at home except for short periods.

How does it work? Is it a parent/child dynamic, a democratic house share dynamic or a landlord/tenant dynamic? Or, more realistically, a confusing combination of all of the above? Psychologically, it is really good to become independent of your parents as an adult.

For those who are talking about property costs being the blocker, why don’t you downsize and give some of the money to your mid 20s ‘child’ to give them independence?

I was 16, moved into a rented house share, had to work full time and support myself, pay rent etc, it wasn’t exactly cheap back then either so I had very little money, zero help ever from my parents, even to the point of not being allowed to take my bed when I moved. Because of that, I do cringe a bit at anyone living at home into their mid 20s and beyond, especially when they’re using cost of living as an excuse because they want to be able to buy a luxury flat/house rather than rent, as if that was the norm for previous generations.

23/24 but I had a gap year at 18 and then at uni from 20-23 so was rarely home

I left home at 16 because I was then no longer their responsibility. (I was a horrible teen and they couldn't wait to show me the door)
I wasn't old enough though and soon got into debt and then was homeless although sofa surfing and got in with the wrong crowd.

Eventually at 29 as life continued a downward spiral I was allowed back home so I moved back went to college and got a job and then met and married my husband and had children.

What a wasted youth though? Why couldn't I have been able to do this all along? I'd never make my children move out unless they were capable of making it work.
I'm neurodivergent and really struggled on my own at 16 while my parents labeled me the naughty kid while I went off the rails with no guidance or support.

I meant to add I only went home for 2 years but it was just the time I needed to get on my feet.

Perhaps things have changed in recent years because renting is so ridiculously expensive now - often more than mortgage repayments would be. When I was a young adult, the first thing you did was put your name down on the council house waiting list and although you'd be on there a while, you'd get to the top of the list eventually. There used to be millions of council homes. Not any more.

People used to move out fairly young, rent cheaply, and then save up a deposit to buy somewhere. They can't do that any more because all their money is going on the rent. The only way they can properly save up is by remaining in the family home.

I'm in London and rent is so high that unless in a good job most kids seem to be staying at home, at least for a few years post uni. If employed and contributing (not necessarily financially, but in cooking/cleaning etc) then it's fine. My DD thinks she will come back to live here after uni while she does her masters. She has her room and en suite and I'm not exactly expecting her to be at the table for dinner at 7pm sharp!

Rents here are around £1600 per month. A single person stands no chance. I'd much prefer my two to stay at home and contribute a far lesser amount to the home, than pay a landlord extortionate sums and never be able to save. Their home is within the family home for as long as they need it.

A lot of people think their adult children will get a job and save up and get a better job and eventually earn more but some aren't academic and will only ever be in minimum pay and have absolutely no chance of ever getting on the property ladder and rent is more than most people can earn at minimum wage.

And parents can't always afford to help if they're struggling themselves.

Every family is different

What suits one family wont suit another

I dont think there is any right or wrong amswer here

I grew up in the back of beyond and didn't have the choice to move home after university, I wouldn't have been able to find a graduate job locally and it would have been too expensive to continually travel hundreds of miles for interviews so I had no choice but to live in grubby house shares throughout my 20s, my nieces and nephews who grew in the same location there have also never gone home after university and currently rent in their city. It is a luxury to have parents who live somewhere you can find relevant, interesting work so you can stay with them. Or more likely, people are restricting their opportunities and taking lower paid jobs than they might otherwise achieve.

For a couple to buy a flat worth £180,000, they need a joint income of around £36,000 and a 10% deposit so £18,000.

Given the average salary in the UK is ~£35k, the average couple is earning ~£70k per year. Say a young couple are on a bit less than that, £50-55k. That’s still enough to put away a few hundred pounds a month and save £18k within a couple of years, especially if they’ve not yet got kids.

Is it harder than past generations had it? Absolutely. Is it still doable? Completely.

In comparison, we bought our first house in 2003 aged 32 (having lived in shared houses for our 20s, and renting as a couple since we got married in 1999). Our combined salaries was ~£52K (so we were both earning above the average wage of £21K), we had a deposit of £15K (we saved £1K a month), and we bought a house for £153K. Interest rates were ~5 % which we were told was never going to be bettered and our mortgage repayments were just under £800 on a 20 year mortgage which was considerably more than our rent which was £500.

I was kicked out at 20 but a friend of mine is 54 and still lives with his mother (he never moved out). He’s not a mummy’s boy though, he’s one of the nicest people in the world.

Left at 19. Back at 27 to save for house deposit, gone before 28.

I was 18 and as much as I was desperate for my independence (and to get away from my DM) it was too young as her assumption was that was it.

My 2 can always live with me. I don't want to see them struggle like I did.

I think it depends like a poster up thread said. If the adult child is saving for their own place, has their own life and friends and is progressing then home is a launch pad.

If like my bfs relative it's about never moving out or on, no friends and in their 40s then that's a problem.

I left home at 32. I didn’t meet my partner until I was 30 and we bought a house together at 32.

Everyone’s circumstances are different. I am extremely close to my mum and both my parents loved having me live with them. I still sleep in my parents the odd night now when I feel like it.

Not sure how I feel about the posters who are throwning upon people leaving when they’re older but thinking it’s great to kick their children out at 16/18.

My mum couldn’t wait to have me gone, we had a poor relationship but it made me feel awful. So we’ll have ours until they want to go.

But tbh I really hope she’s like “well, I’m off, going to move to x country or y town”. For her sake rather than mine, I want her to have a full life. We both grew up in small towns and couldn’t wait to get out, ended up happily living abroad. It’s been great for us so I won’t be surprised if she does it too.

I left home at 17 to live with my then boyfriend (DH) and have been self supporting ever since. DD went to uni, came home, went away, came home and has stayed. We love having her here. I think it depends on the individual and the family.

I feel like the only awful mum here, in wanting to live alone! I wouldn't throw anyone out in these times, but deep down, I still want to live alone.

I moved out at 21 and lived in a grotty shared accommodation with shared bathrooms too, but apparently that's no longer OK to do? I couldn't wait to get away. And not because my parents were that awful. I just wanted my own space.

Left for uni at 18, moved back home after graduating. Spent 2 years at home saving for a deposit, then rented a flat with a friend and never came back home. Saved up for a house while renting and now living with husband and children.

However, I don't expect my children to be out of the house at the same age. Wages compared to rent or mortage prices are nowhere near comparable anymore.

I don't have an age in mind for my kids to be out of the house. I think as long as they're working towards something and making progress, it will be alright. I don't want them thinking it's okay to stay home forever, but I don't want them to rush making important decisions.
I do however feel that they should see living at home as a means to save a large part of their income towards owning a house or flat. I wouldn't tolerate them spending their entire salary on fun, shopping and travel just because they live at home. I'd like to see them save at least half of their wages towards the future.

I moved out at 18 into a shared house with other students at the time and ended up staying there until I was 29, moved back home for a year to save money for a house deposit then moved out again at 30 into the house I bought with my husband. Getting a mortgage was relatively easy in the early 00s though and we didnt even have to provide proof of income as we put down a large deposit.

It's not like that now so I dont think its comparable at all.

For those who are talking about property costs being the blocker, why don’t you downsize and give some of the money to your mid 20s ‘child’ to give them independence?

Just how big do you assume our houses are?? we live in a modest terraced 3 bedroom, not a 7 bedroom mansion 😂