how old is too old to live at home?

[beckybarefoot]

Following on from another thread, where there's a 24 year old still living at home, it would appear that he's working and mum feels he should stay as long as he likes whereas step dad it would appear seems to want this young lad to leave. (I do not doubt theres a massive back story which i not referring too)

The overwhelming consensus appears to be that the son should be allowed to stay for as long as he wants and that Step dad should lump it or leave!

How old is too old? At what age did you leave home? did you leave home because you wanted too or were you forced into it? How long do you expect for your children to live at home with you?

I was forced to leave home and marry at 16, it was a long time ago and I'm over it now. My DH and i have 6 kids between us, ranging from 22 to 35, only the 22 year old lives at home now, she wants to go, and is saving for a mortgage and as soon as she able she wants to go..

All my children know, that if they get into trouble that they should 'come home' but certainly not on a permanent basis

Whilst I understand renting is expensive and it can be hard living with strangers/ friends, I do think it provides valuable life experience in a way that living with parents just can't. Especially if the adult child hasn't been away for reasons like university.

It also means that if and when you can buy your own place you appreciate it far more!

No age is 'too old' to live at home with your parents. There can be lots of valid and good reasons as to why living with your family can be, and is, a good idea. Personally, I think adults living with other adult strangers in house shares is more puzzling and weird than living with your own family at a certain age.

Inter-generational living is also very common and normal in many cultures. Provided you have a good relationship with your family there are lots of benefits to living with family rather than by yourself.

I would say that depends. Once they leave for university they should come to stay for short periods during breaks and holidays. Ideally move out once they graduate. However, if they live on the same city at 21 may be. We do not do inter generational living. Very uncommon in the U.K. or US afaik.

How long do you expect to cook for them? At 16 they should be making their own dinner at least. This would mean they learn for live at students halls and when leaving by themselves.

@Kinshipug Most people do more than that at home. Don't you, or your parents for that matter, have a social or love life? Or hobbies?

I don't have much of a social life. Parents have their social life. We have our own hobbies. I don't understand how any of these questions are relevant to living in the same house.

Are your parents equally as thrilled with the arrangement?

I would say we're all mostly indifferent to it. It has advantages and disadvantages.

Do you share the housework and bills?

Yes.

@Nannyfannybanny you got very defensive

No I didn't.

Do you have input,help with shopping, cleaning, cooking?

Financial input (as would be the case for all working adults living at home) and assistance with chores, housework, etc.

I left from uni, so 21. I couldn’t wait to be independent. We have an adult child who yo yo’d from uni to mid 20s. They were incredibly hard at times to live with but I think we could have had much clearer ground rules too.

One of mine left for uni at 18 and stayed in her uni town, she's renting and I doubt she'll come back down to the SE due to property prices, amongst other things.

The other moved out recently to live with her BF. She's also renting.

They're both early 20s and it's unusual (outskirts of London) in our circles due to the cost.

We miss them but I'm pleased they're spreading their wings and learning how to adult properly. And DH and I are quite enjoying the tidy house and cooking less 😀

There's isn't too old because it's so dependent on circumstances and whether the adult child is a good tenant quite frankly. We have one adult child (23) still living here and there's a home whilst she needs it but it comes with rules attached, it's not a hotel so if you are expected to live as a family including eating the majority of meals together, let us know if you are going out/away/having boyfriend over, there's housework to do (sore point) but we don't charge rent. If you feel you are too told to do the above then time to go!

Glad it works for you @shuggles but surely you can see why it wouldn’t for others? Just off the top of my head here are a few things I wanted to do in my own home in my 20s that would have been more difficult if I was still living with my parents.

• host friends
• have sex
• furnish and decorate to my taste
• have free reign of the TV
• make a mess and clean it up when I was ready
• listen to my music loudly

My parents were really easy going but I still wanted to get my own place.

@Youdontevengohere
host friends
have sex

These two are somewhat understandable, but I'm sure you also see why they are less applicable to men as we generally have few friends and are less likely to be in relationships. There's that well-known statistic that floats around about a third of young men not having sex within the previous year, for example.

have free reign of the TV

Probably something that was more applicable to Gen Xers than Millenials, when there were few TVs in the home. Nowadays, it's fairly typical for homes to have more TVs than people (which actually seems really stupid now that I type it out).

listen to my music loudly

Close the door. Headphones are an option too.

Don't you think perhaps friendships and relationships might be easier to sustain if you didn't live with your parents?

My mum never wanted me back after uni and it made my life very difficult at times. In a crisis I had to tell her all sorts of lies just to get her to let me stay for a short while. I would never do that to DS he can stay as long as he likes and is always welcome. I wish I'd had that support.

@Kinshipug Don't you think perhaps friendships and relationships might be easier to sustain if you didn't live with your parents?

I'm not seeking friendships or relationships. But to answer your question, no. If I had my own home, I would have almost no disposable income and less spare time as it would be just me repairing, fixing, and maintaining things around the home, so relationships would be less likely.

I moved out at 21 and in with my then boyfriend - he lived with family (not parents), then we moved into our own rented flat.

The relationship failed, so at 23 I moved back in with my parents (and 3 month old DS in tow!). We eventually moved out fully at 26 into my now husbands flat.

DH - bought his own flat at 22. Quite young, but he was money savvy and lived at home during Uni so saved well.

DS1 is 20 now and hoping to be like his SD and will finish Uni at 22 and hopes to be in his own place with his GF by the time he's 23. We shall see!

Fair enough if you're all truly happy with the arrangement. But I do think you're wrong - how much time do you think people really spend on home maintenance?

I moved out at 19 and then moved back at 36 for a few months and then again at 42 again for a few months . I loved it and I think my mother did also .

My daughter never came home to live after uni so she effectively left at 18. I thought she'd come home after she finished her degree but instead she moved to live in London. Obviously she could come back any time she likes however old she is. She still has a bedroom here.

I left home at 23 when I got married. However, lots of my friends didn't leave home until mid/late twenties. I'd want my kids to know that they always have a home with me if they need.

I would say it's more time and money than what most people think.

Certainly not enough to justify moving out just to "host friends" and "have sex." That's a huge financial investment to do 2 things which most people can easily live without.

It reminds me of people who buy monstrously expensive £20k car just so they can "be comfortable."

It was certainly enough to justify it for me, and it was a stepping stone to our current house which houses us and our 3 children. I couldn’t have lived with my parents in my mid 30s, as you are, as I was married with 3 children by then.
As I said, it works for you and that’s great. You’re all happy, so no issues. I’d have hated it, and it wouldn’t have worked for me. What do you know, we’re all different!

I'm not sure how you could possibly know that, having never done it.

To be honest, just the fact that I didn’t want to live with my parents as an adult was enough to justify it for me.

And a big one of course is that not everyone wants to stay in the same area their parents live for their whole lives. I’ve lived in 3 countries and 4 UK cities… i couldn’t have done that while living with my mum.

Well if you are offered a good job in a different area, then yes, you move. If you don't have a decent job offer in a different area, then no reason to move.

Everyone is so different.

1. do you “get on” living together?
2. how big is your home?
3. do you need to move for work? Save £?

Myself and DS21 could not live together for very long (though he is very welcome for awhile if necessary); I also do not have much space, living in a small flat which makes things even more difficult. Some people have no space at all.

My mother kicked me out of home at 17, for absolutely no reason. A reflection of her complete lack of interest in my progress in life.

But generally, I try not to judge other people, as everyone has different circumstances, different attitudes, culture, and so forth. Some things and issues outsiders won’t be aware of.

I deliberately sought out jobs in a different area, was my point really. I didn’t want to stay in the same town I grew up in.