how old is too old to live at home?

[beckybarefoot]

Following on from another thread, where there's a 24 year old still living at home, it would appear that he's working and mum feels he should stay as long as he likes whereas step dad it would appear seems to want this young lad to leave. (I do not doubt theres a massive back story which i not referring too)

The overwhelming consensus appears to be that the son should be allowed to stay for as long as he wants and that Step dad should lump it or leave!

How old is too old? At what age did you leave home? did you leave home because you wanted too or were you forced into it? How long do you expect for your children to live at home with you?

I was forced to leave home and marry at 16, it was a long time ago and I'm over it now. My DH and i have 6 kids between us, ranging from 22 to 35, only the 22 year old lives at home now, she wants to go, and is saving for a mortgage and as soon as she able she wants to go..

All my children know, that if they get into trouble that they should 'come home' but certainly not on a permanent basis

Similar here. Moved out at 18, carrying just my clothes and books and nothing else. No help at all from family. My dad had recently re-married to a younger woman who already had two small children and they were working on starting a new family, so there was no space for my dad's children. Within a week of me moving out my room had gone, taken by a younger step sibling, and that was that. My step mother's children have been treated very differently and for some years were moving in and out whenever they wanted to. I don't resent them, but note the differences.

Well there's half a million HMOs, so evidently it is in fact still "ok to do". Presumably your "grotty shared accommodation" didn't cost upwards of £800, which perhaps made it a little more tolerable?

Would it be ok if I paid the upwards of £800 it costs now for my DC to move out? Or is that not acceptable either? I am already paying that for student housing in London.

My shared acco was actually a hostel in another country- one toilet shared by 10 people- but that's a whole other story!

My boyfriend and I don’t live together but his son is 25 and living at home and paying rent and saving. Mine will not have finished university until 23. I have said they are all welcome to have a room at any future house they might have provided they are pleasant and contribute

I don't understand the 'they're over 18, they ought to be leaving' viewpoint.

If you love your child, and enjoy spending time with each other, and want them to maximise opportunities for saving up so they can addord their own place one day, and they're happy at home then I say stay as long as you like.

Obviously they shouldn't take the mick - once they were young adults my DCs looked after themselves in terms of laundry, and pulled their weight with household jobs. And I wouldn't have been impressed if they'd spent the money they were saving on drinking or drugs. But they did the sensible thing and saved up as much as they could.

And the time came when, naturally, they felt the need to spread their wings, all by the age of 24/25. If they'd wanted to stay longer they would have been welcome. We're also a step family and that was both of our opinions.

It's so hard for people to get on the housing ladder now, that any help we can give we will give.

The offer also stands to the DCs if they ever need a roof / somewhere to run, they're welcome here. And we love it when one of them drops by or comes to stay for a few nights.

How old is too old?
No such thing - unless it is keeping them from maturing/taking responsibility/living a full life.

At what age did you leave home?
18 - for uni, came home for the holiday between 1st year and 2nd year but that was it
Did you leave home because you wanted too or were you forced into it?
Forced into it to some extent - they moved house and location and no room for me but I wanted to as it was an unpleasant living arrangement anyway.
DH also left at 19 (not for uni, but to live in a 1 bed flat locally by himself) I think he wanted his freedom but also felt forced into it to some extent due to overly controlling/overbearing and occasionally toxic parents.
We definitely didn't want our DC to feel like living at home was unpleasant and toxic and they couldn't wait to leave (like we did!).
How long do you expect for your children to live at home with you?
I have a 20 year old living at home now. He's going off to Australia for a year working soon but on his return I expect him to live at home until it works to share with a girlfriend/friends or buy a house/flat. I don't charge board - the expectation is that he saves though. If I had to put an age on it I would say 25 but I no idea whether he is going to want to go to uni in the future/where jobs may take him. Might be sporadic.

Renting is expensive, but it was for us too. I lived in London when I was 19, and I had to share a furnished flat with several other girls, 2 per room. There was 7 of us in the flat, 1 bathroom. 1 girl had her own small room. It was a dump, cold, damp, above a shop, on a mainstreet. Yes, it was cheap, but we paid over 50% of our income each.

All the men I have known in my life who lived with parents over 30 for example are not good relationship material. I left home at 19. I feel like it teaches you a lot about independence, financial management plus personal growth. I don’t even understand why any self respecting person with no caring duties would want to
live with their parents that long. Also, why does a parent want their kid around that long and not also move on to the next chapter in their life. Ask me again when my son is older maybe and I will have a different view but that’s how I feel right now.

My eldest bounced back and forth until his mid thirties. University then lived in a city was miserable so came home. Then wanted to work abroad so left for six years. Then back home, started his own business, met fell in love, got engaged, had both of them for a while because a flat was being done up. Finally left home at 34.

Middle one university for four years, then job worldwide, six weeks on, six weeks off. Saved up for a house which he moved into aged 28.

Third one university, then two years working away, now back to university for another two years. Can't see him ever coming home.

The cheapest single bed house shares we have here in my town are £400 a month on rightmove and that doesn't even include electricity use. The below has been taken from the listing:

Room is fitted with a card meter for electric used

Someone starting out on minimum wage will still struggle renting and saving.

I'm one of these older people living at home.

The part that I struggle with is that I fail to see the point. If I bought a house, then what? I would be using my new home to wash myself, have dinner, use the computer, do work, and go to bed. Literally the same things that I do in my parent's house.

Moving out seems like a lot of expense, and more money than I have, to gain nothing.

Shuggles, how old are you?

Our oldest son recently moved out, he’s 27. He’d initially moved out a couple of years ago to live with his long term girlfriend but they split up and he was back home 6 weeks later. He’s spent the last two years saving a deposit so he could buy somewhere which hasn’t been easy with just one wage and it wasn’t something he could’ve done had he not been living at home.

We still have our 24 year old here. He’s been making noises about getting a place in the next couple or years with his girlfriend of 5+ years so we were making plans to move to a different area and downsize, we even went for a drive around to familiarise ourselves with the area we like last weekend and were looking forward to a new adventure.
It’s not something we would do while he’s still living with us as it’d add another hour onto his already long commute.

However, in the last couple of days he and his girlfriend have split up (long distance relationship since she moved away for work making things difficult) so our plans will be on hold. He doesn’t earn enough to live alone and have any kind of life so will have a home here for as long as he needs it.

Mid-30s, but I'm not sure how that's relevant. I could have written the same thing at 25.

Having friends to stay? Boyfriends? Girlfriends? I spend my 20s with a variety of people visiting/staying over which I doubt my parents would have accommodated at their house, but I guess if they’re happy with that sort of thing then there’s no issue.

I'm a mid-30s man, so very few friends, and certainly no one who would stay over. The idea of friends staying over seems a bit strange to me... is that not something that teenagers do?

Also, I am single, so again, no need for anyone to stay over.

Again, how does moving out change what I currently do inside a house- which is, wash myself, have dinner, use the computer, do work, and go to bed?

It doesn’t change what you do. It certainly would have changed what I did. In my 20s I have dinner parties, friends to stay, boyfriends to stay, short term partners to stay. I met my now husband at 26 and he stayed over a lot. I don’t think that’s teenage behaviour, particularly.
if you’re happy with it, that’s great! Wouldn’t have worked for me, but that’s irrelevant to you.

Most people do more than that at home. Don't you, or your parents for that matter, have a social or love life? Or hobbies?
Are your parents equally as thrilled with the arrangement? Do you share the housework and bills?

Over the weekend I added to my bad mummy title by telling my DC they were welcome to stay in the family home, but I won't be sheltering any partners or spouses. There I draw the line. Unless abuse or emergency, of course.

Shuggles, you did say you were older and living at home, I was merely interested, expecting you to say late 40s,you got very defensive,a great many other folks had mentioned your post. I don't know your circumstances, but I had a cousin (learning disabilities,AM NOT suggesting this is you) lived in a housing association flat,my uncle and aunt died, his name was not on their tenancy, and he had to move. Do you have input,help with shopping, cleaning, cooking? I have a lovely attractive buzzy friend, early 50s, never been married, been with her partner almost 10 years,her father refuses to allow him to stay " my house my rules". Staying over isn't just for children. I have friends relatives staying over for various reasons. In fact one for 2 days every week, because they are on a course near by house, and logistically it makes sense. Another friend had had her DM move back in with her after a divorce. She loves her mum dearly, but is finding it extremely difficult.

I left properly (not uni) when I was 23, bought a house.

I think I’d let DD stay forever, but she’s an only. I think that additional needs excluded, that these days late 20’s is “normal”. I’d basically let DD stay for as long as it took for her to buy, I’d rather she didn’t waste money renting. That view might change once she’s older!

As it stands she’s likely to be able to afford to buy quite young as she’s probably going to inherit quite substantially (only grandchild on both sides).

I moved out at 18 but my parents were abusive arseholes. My life was hard. I rented for a while and then bought my first house with my partner at 22.

My own kids are welcome to live with us for as long as they like. My nephew and friends kids have stayed at home til late 20s at least and then left with a big house deposit, so I’m encouraging mine to do that. No point struggling with rent and possibly living somewhere crap when they can go from a nice family home to their own nice home when they’re financially comfortable imo. I want my children to have a very different experience of being a young adult to what I did.

I have a 31 year old DS living at home, working and saving. As he will be purchasing a property alone he is saving hard to
Put down 50% deposit on a property.

The assumption is always that raising a deposit is the problem but for him it will be making mortgage repayments, living costs etc as an individual.

We are happy for him to stay here. He is an absolute miser so it shouldn't be too long.

My first two were based at home on and off until they progressed career wise/financially to afford a home.

Husband and I lived at home, once we bought a house we got married and moved out after the wedding

For many it's the only way to get a secure home. Renting is no longer secure and very expensive.

Five years after finishing full time education is a generous stretch.

Eg 23 if you started work at 18, age 27 if you go to uni

Ball park figures and obviously exceptions are made by everyone. But this is my rule of thumb.