how old is too old to live at home?

[beckybarefoot]

Following on from another thread, where there's a 24 year old still living at home, it would appear that he's working and mum feels he should stay as long as he likes whereas step dad it would appear seems to want this young lad to leave. (I do not doubt theres a massive back story which i not referring too)

The overwhelming consensus appears to be that the son should be allowed to stay for as long as he wants and that Step dad should lump it or leave!

How old is too old? At what age did you leave home? did you leave home because you wanted too or were you forced into it? How long do you expect for your children to live at home with you?

I was forced to leave home and marry at 16, it was a long time ago and I'm over it now. My DH and i have 6 kids between us, ranging from 22 to 35, only the 22 year old lives at home now, she wants to go, and is saving for a mortgage and as soon as she able she wants to go..

All my children know, that if they get into trouble that they should 'come home' but certainly not on a permanent basis

Generally on MN people say
Your children are your children for life
They should always have a home with you
You cruel boomers and Gen X ers have no idea how hard it is for the young
etc etc
In other words, you can never expect your kids to move out. Even if you are in a small house.

I am thinking of moving out myself!

Getting on the property ladder is near on impossible in todays world so yes children will be at home longer. As long as there has been clear conversations between parent and child and the child is saving for their future home I see no issue with them staying longer than used to be seen as acceptable. But they should 100% be in full time education or work and saving for their future.

I won't even be charging them rent. Asian family blah blah..

People saying "I moved out at 19" etc. - unless this was within the last 5 years or so, your experience is irrelevant really as the costs have gone up so much.

The point at which it became somewhat normal for 20 somethings to still live at home, due to astronomical housing costs, was reached about 2 decades ago. Nowadays, it's not even all that unusual for people in their 30s.

It's simple mathematics. The average house in the UK is £283K and the average rent is £1226 per month. Now let's be generous and say a FTB or first time renter will only be looking for a house that costs 70% of the average. How do you afford that on the typical or average salary of a twenty something? How do you even save for a house deposit?

Where I work it's not unusual for people in their early 20s to be on £40K-50K salary (i.e. well above average) and yes I know people in their 20s and early 30s who are homeowners. They all without exception had significant help from their parents.

I am so sorry, that is downright cruel, and nobody should be dealing with that at 16, nor the emotional fallout that comes with it, and lasts forever. xx

There is no right age to have moved out by. I left home at 18 but returned for a while in my 20s, then managed to get a job and a flat. My DC can stay as long as they like, I have friends who still live in the house they were born in, in their 70s and 80s.

I moved in and out up until I was about 28 then left permanently. Did a lot of travelling so I came and went.

I have a friend who is 35 and lives at home. She will likely never move out. Low income and a cancer diagnosis mean she will always be dependent on her parents

If it suits both parties I don’t think there has to be any kind of rule or pressure.

I moved into my own place at 25 and it was a struggle financially as I was single - would much rather stay at home than share with strangers.

I know a few folk who have never moved out and are now in their 50’s and 60’s.

Everyone is different, if it’s working then I don’t think anyone should judge.

Agree too that wages these days in relation to rents and mortgages make it very difficult especially if single.

I suspect responses will vary depending on the size of people's homes

I have said this before on here, but as an Asian who despises joint families, it is very odd to see the UK turning to them because of the CoL and housing crisis.

Ours boomeranged a bit, in between tenancies or relationship breakdowns. They all own their own houses now so hopefully they’re settled (except for DD20 who has never moved out, and I suspect will be here for a few years yet).

They’re always welcome back, but on the understanding that they can’t expect the same perks as they did when they were kids. I’m not running round after them, cooking and skivvying and doing their washing.

I’ve noticed that they very quickly revert to teen behaviours when they come home (leaving their crap everywhere, not cleaning up after themselves properly when they’ve been cooking, leaving loads of wet washing in the machine), and it can be stressful. It’s much easier to ‘force’ them to do things as a teen because you can threaten to ground them or take their phone. You can’t do that to a 26 year old, you can only nag!

I grew up in care, was given £20 the day after my 17th birthday and sent on my way!

My 25yr old is still at home. He lives here, I don't 'look after' him. He has lived away from home and is very independent. Whilst he already has enough money for a reasonable deposit he wouldn't get a mortgage based on his single salary (south west) and at this point it would be daft to pay the extortionate rental costs, better to keep saving. I don't charge him rent as we are mortgage free but he pays for all his own stuff and his share of all utility bills.

My 22yr old is away at uni and already making plans to travel the world and live/work in other countries for a few years.

There won't ever be a time when this won't be their home. They will always be welcome for whatever reason and for however long.

I am seriously considering leaving the family home to my kids and going travelling in a few years on my own.

I moved out when I was 28 into my then boyfriend's home (we are engaged now and have a house together). I would have loved to move out much sooner than this but I couldn't afford to live on my own.

rainbowbee

I think there is a massive maturity gap between those living at home and flatsharing. Some friends who flatshared couldn't keep their place clean. They went out drinking, couldn't get up for work, late with rent etc.

I lived at home giving up a third to half my salary in keep. My mother worked fulltime so I cooked dinner, was able to paint the house, garden, do maintenance. I only went out at weekends and was ALAWYS on time for work.
Massive maturity gap.

I am 31. I moved out at 29 and saved from 18-29 to buy my house. I loved loving at home. Parents aren't here forever and I know il always be grateful for the extra time I got with my mum and brother. She also knew I was saving and enjoyed having me there. She didn't want me moving out to rent to never be able to save anything and not get on the property ladder.

oh don't 'blah blah'... i am fully in awe of cultures where family are important! and you should be proud of that

@beckybarefoot As you can see from my posts I am on the fence! We do get on top of each other as it's a small house. That said, I don't need the rent so won't be charging. No judgement of people who do need a contribution.

I think I will ask them to pay towards groceries as a compromise as one definitely eats a lot.

My DS is 27 and will be moving out in the next couple of weeks. Feeling quite sad about it, but I think that's normal. I left home as the same age. Dd has threatened that she's never leaving 😅.

I was the last, at 26, to leave the coop. I didn't earn enough to find a place on my own, but I met a guy and we moved in together.

My ex's brother is 48 and has never had his own place and still lives with his mother.

My DD is 18 in a few months' time. I can't ever imagine a scenario where I'd kick her out. I can't see her wanting, or being able, to move out before 25 to be honest.

As long as they are saving the money they would have paid in rent towards something useful - like a mortgage, I think that’s very sensible in the current economic climate.

My kids are 25, 22, 20 & 16. All still live at home. 16 you obviously too young to move out yet, still at college, 20 yo is at uni so away term time, 22 yo has SEN and will never live independently, 25 is working, saving but unlikely to afford anywhere, he is on the council list due to overcrowding, but that might take some time.

I left home at 19. Got a mortgage with my ex. Imagine that! A one bed flat for £33,000 in 1996. Twice my ex's salary. Same flat is over £180,000 now. How the fuck any youngsters can afford that I don't know.

My kids can live at home as long as they want. Not much choice really!

As long as they need to really. I would hope they were independent, working with goals and aspirations and are living at home to save money.
And if they're not, then they're obviously struggling with something so I hope I would be able to help them to sort themselves out.
I would be concerned if they're 30 and haven't moved out so I'd be making it clear then they need to start looking for their own place.

For a couple to buy a flat worth £180,000, they need a joint income of around £36,000 and a 10% deposit so £18,000.

Given the average salary in the UK is ~£35k, the average couple is earning ~£70k per year. Say a young couple are on a bit less than that, £50-55k. That’s still enough to put away a few hundred pounds a month and save £18k within a couple of years, especially if they’ve not yet got kids.

Is it harder than past generations had it? Absolutely. Is it still doable? Completely.

I moved out at 27!

I wanted to move out earlier, but my parents wanted me to stay (I'm the baby) & establish myself.

So I did. Went to uni. Bought a new car outright. Travelled. Purchased 2 investment properties (mortgaged, obviously). Thanks mum & dad. If I'd moved out at 20, for example, I wouldn't have achieved those goals. Plus, I get on really well with my parents, we used to hang out together alot.

So my kids can stay home as long as they like, if it gives them a head start.

It all depends on the circumstances. Somebody can be 50 and still living at home. As long as all parties are happy, what does it matter. Expectations differ from culture to culture. My grand uncle never moved out of his home place.