how old is too old to live at home?

[beckybarefoot]

Following on from another thread, where there's a 24 year old still living at home, it would appear that he's working and mum feels he should stay as long as he likes whereas step dad it would appear seems to want this young lad to leave. (I do not doubt theres a massive back story which i not referring too)

The overwhelming consensus appears to be that the son should be allowed to stay for as long as he wants and that Step dad should lump it or leave!

How old is too old? At what age did you leave home? did you leave home because you wanted too or were you forced into it? How long do you expect for your children to live at home with you?

I was forced to leave home and marry at 16, it was a long time ago and I'm over it now. My DH and i have 6 kids between us, ranging from 22 to 35, only the 22 year old lives at home now, she wants to go, and is saving for a mortgage and as soon as she able she wants to go..

All my children know, that if they get into trouble that they should 'come home' but certainly not on a permanent basis

FWIW I doubt my autistic child will ever be able to leave home. My other 2 children are welcome to stay as long as they need, but they’re both pretty independent so I assume they’ll try and get their own place when possible.

I stayed until I was 26 when I bought my first house in the same street. I'm an only child and was so so close to my mum. (I miss her)

I left home at 18 to go to university and never lived with my parents again. My DS is 25 and autistic, and will likely live at home for at least another decade. If he ever moves out it would have to be with a lot of support. So there's part of me that is happy that it's becoming more necessary for adult dc to live at home longer, because it normalises his situation. Part of the reason is usually financial but there are also increasing numbers of ND young people. I also think in some cultures multi-generational living is seen as normal.

Plus we live in London, where it's just really common for young adults who have grown up here to live with their parents, and people who move here from other places are seen as less fortunate to not be able to have family they can stay with. With high rents they end up having to pay a fortune for houseshares in the cheaper areas, while the ones living at home are often living in more comfortable family homes bought years ago in more desirable locations.

I moved out for a residential gap year at 19 and then uni where I went back for the holidays and then a for year after uni, I moved out properly at 23.5.

34 year old DBro probably won't ever move out, likely autistic, works but not enough to rent alone and hours wise it's what he can manage. Couldn't cope with living in a house share either.

Parents bought me a property the same value as theirs with inheritance from grandparents, my brother will get theirs when they die so really it's his house on everything but paper. I'll likely have to support him to an extent when the time comes along with autistic DD although she got diagnosis and support in place so hopefully she will thrive and live completely independently. We also live very close so although I moved out I can literally see their home from my bedroom window.

I'm originally from South East Asia, and only left home when moving here, otherwise would probably have stayed until marriage. But it's not uncommon in London. My ex (whose lineage probably stretches to William the conqueror 😂) also stayed with his mum until early 30 when he got married, to save money.

I left the family home at 13, went into supported accommodation and then a house share at 17 until I finished college, then moved 150 miles away for a job with subsidised accommodation.

I have three children, the youngest will never leave home due to disabilities but my eldest two will be encouraged to stay home long enough to save and set up their own homes as they wish.
They will always be welcome home but with the aim to get back to living happily and independently.

I turned 18 in the early 80s and am purebred inner London council estate. All my older siblings and cousins lived at home until they married - one at 18 but others nearer to 30. None ever lived in a flatshare or privately rented. This was the 70s and they all seemed to source council housing once married (apart from one who squatted in an empty council flat and was then given the tenancy). Also, I think we had no need to leave home for the bright lights of the city as we were already there.

Things changed for me though - I left when I bought my own flat at 21. My mother was thrilled and lost no opportunity to tell all and sundry. Bless her, she thought I was a yuppy when in reality I was a boring civil servant, 100% mortgages were easily come by, and it took less than £5k deposit/legal fees/stamp duty to get me in.
I have two 20-somethings still at home. They seem to have made the transition from kid of the house to adult sharing the house, so they'll stay until they move on to better things.

Times have changed. People now well into their 30's are still living with parents. Rent is too expensive, mortgages are too expensive and even a just a double bedroom where I am is nearly £450 a month.

I was super lucky and my parents kept putting the family allowance into a high interest bank account for me so when I was 18 I had a chunk of cash as a deposit.

As a parent you should be ready to accept your kids back no questions and my parents have always said my room is my room no questions should I ever need it.

I moved out at 18 for uni. I moved back into my parental home after being a victim of crime at 22 and needing significant surgical care and then a long period of recovery. This co-incided with a decline in both my parents health and ultimately my father's passing. At 37, Im still in the family home, a carer for my elderly mother and disabled brother but I work, run the home (as neither my mother or brother are able too hence my need to be here) and have my own family inc. children. Exactly who 'lives with who' is somewhat a grey area but on paper it's my mothers property and the family home.

I always find threads like this disingenuous and judgy. Everybody has different circumstances and so long as all parties concerned are happy why does it matter? But hey, judge away......

I think most people should move out in their 20s.

No objection to them moving back (especially after relationship break down, job loss, etc) but I think it's important to get some experience living independently where possible. Apart from anything else, it gives some insight into why mum doing everything isn't acceptable and that if they move back, they have to not revert into child mode and expect to be looked after!

I moved out at 19.

When I was dating in my 20s, I found guys still living at home past the age of about 23 to be a complete turn-off.

If my 24 yr old left home he’d have to go into a shared house with 4 strangers sharing a grotty bathroom etc. He would like more independence but not under those circumstances and I don’t blame him. There’s no-one at the moment he can flat share with, so he’s staying put for now.
I left home at 18 - but rent was dirt cheap then, totally different way of life.
He has lived overseas for a year, for all those who insist 20 somethings should bugger off.

How do these guys living at home into their late 20s and early 30s get laid?

Do they just rely on the woman having her own place / not living with her parents?

Genuine question. I would never have sex in a guy’s parents’ house!

Failure to launch is spot on. My Dsis is in her late 40s and has never lived away from our parents. No additional needs etc. Just very close to Mum and didn’t see the need to leave.

Fast forward to now and they live a very co-dependent life. With my dsis ill-equipped to deal with the emotional strains of day to day adult life.

I look at my own 3 dc and want them to feel comfortable in their family home as long as needed. But I will damn make sure that I will do everything in my power to help them develop and grow into fully functional, independent adults. This is my absolute priority as their parent.

Twenty four is hardly a young lad!! Depends on circumstances..I got pregnant in the 1960s, at 18,you got married! By 20 had a mortgage...all be it on a caravan. My oldest DD,left home at 16, Live in jobs,groom, training for BHSI. Home at 20 after getting the sack ,it was awful! Threw her out in the end. 2 sons,one left at 15, moved in with this sister. DH made redundant,shared a car, couldn't get him to school on time (village location for our house) told the boys to get their names down on LA housing,they were successful. (Youngest is reg. Disabled) Youngest DD,17 pregnant, moved in with lovely boyfriends parents (lots more room than us) They split 8 years later, when he cheated, she came home, for a while.

Not till I was 30 but my mother would have liked me to stay forever I think, however that was not for me! I am an only so I think she feared losing me in some way.

I left home at 21, although I had been "part-time" for 3 years while at university. Everyone left home at 21 back then. I would rather have chopped off my own arm than go back to live with my parents.
I know that the costs of moving out can be high but, surely, if a young person is working then they can afford to rent a room somewhere? Apparently, some of them don't want to live in a bit of squalor, like we all did! But it worries me that grown adults living at home until well into their 20s and 30s are missing out on the best years of their lives, and not enjoying independence. It's arrested development, and potentially storing up trouble for the future.

24 is quite young to be expected to move out now I think. The problem is rentals. Even for a house share you’re looking at hundreds, and thousands for your own place. And you can’t really leave uni and just get a mortgage for 300k to buy a small house or flat unless you had an extremely good graduate job plus deposit.
I moved out at 23 - only because I had a long term boyfriend and my parents bought a house for us to rent off them. The other option was his grotty flat - which we would have done but then his landlord sold up. Lots of my friends were still at home.

I know that sometimes circumstances force staying at home but I can't imagine actually wanting to live at home with parents in your 20's. I was desperate for independence.

Well it depends a bit on circs.

Eg is it while they save for a place, have they recently split with former partner etc etc.

I left for university and never went back. My mum said she would charge me rent - which was fair enough but not much cheaper than a house share with less freedom so I didn’t bother moving back in.

I think if they are in a stable job/no longer studying or completing training and not specifically saving for a property then really they need to think about moving out.

But I’m told some people actually like their families enough to want to live with them which is alien me.

Most young people over 21 like their independence.
Their parents should be encouraging them to save and buy a place by the time they are 30. To have a plan to leave.

To not have a plan could prompt the kids not to save and they could become too comfortable not providing for their own future.

Each individual situation would be different though...
Some parents buy their kids a house.
Some kids save really well while living at home and can stay in their childhood house until marriage because they are easy to live with.
Some families need the space for younger children.
Some kids move out and like the struggle and to not live with parents ever again.
Some kids are a nightmare with unruly friends, drinking,drugs and their parents have no choice but to ask them to leave until they clean up their act.

I left for uni at 18 and never really moved home. I did need to stay at home one summer as my halls contract ended stat of summer and new tenancy started September, I travelled for part of it, but was "home" about 4 weeks. My mum had me but it felt very begrudge and unwelcoming, so I never asked to back again.

I don't think there would ever be an age where I would force my kids to leave, but ideally I think they should be living independently by about 25. Mine have some additional needs, so while I think this will be achievable for them, I anticipate they will need some suport learning how to do this. I keep putting money in their isa's and we live in a cheap are, so as long as they're working (even for minimum wage), they should be able to get mortgages.

Same. Literally could not wait to leave home.

I endured years of London rent eating into my salary, but that was 100% a price worth paying.

The thought of living at home in my 20s was unfathomable. As PP said, these are the best years of life and one seriously misses out without the independence of living away from home.

DD1 (30) left at 19 and has 2 DS's.

DD3 (20) moved out into a house share at 19.

DD4 (12) obviously still lives at home but is autistic so will probably be here for many years to come.

DD2 (29) moved out at 22 with her BF and came back 2 years later when he cheated, moved out again at 26 to house share with her best friend and came back again a year later when she realised that living with said friend was ruining their relationship! Now she has no immediate plans to move out, pays her way, helps with cleaning, decorating etc (I'm single so it's a big help!) and she spends her money on travelling abroad which I'd rather she did than having no money left after paying her own rent and bills!

So all in all I feel like they're all welcome to be here whenever they need to for as long as they like as long as they pay their own way.

IMO it all depends on their personalities!

I think the big issue is how adult children are living.

Living at home, but contributing - financially and to the house in terms of housework - is much less of an issue than living like a grown child and being looked after by your parent regardless of age imo.

I think it’ll become more and more common for children to live at home even longer than they do because of costs.
In some families it’ll financially benefit both the parent and the child to live together - the key will be making sure the children live like adults.