He has just told me to F off

[Confusedandconfusedandconfused]

Partner of 1.5 years, we are away together for a few days.

He gave me some feedback based on a job I am applying for and it bruised me. I asked if we could speak back in the room rather than in a public place and we haven’t been speaking for the last couple of hours. I’m feeling stressed as have an upcoming interview and the atmosphere is not good.

We had dinner plans and I just said I wasn’t feeling up to it. I have also had another rejection for a different job I was applying to and feeling quite low.

He has stormed off out of our hotel and shouted at me to “fuck off”. I fully intend to.

What do I do now? We are in a tiny village.

He is otherwise supportive kind and patient but swearing at me is a red flag and I don’t want to continue the relationship.

agreed

both parties in wrong for different reasons

its an argument for gods sake, thats it

You need to cool down, then go and speak to him. Apologise for your behaviour and explain that you really don't like being sworn at, even if he's really angry. Dealing with these sorts of issues in a calm way will help your relationship in the long run. You both need to learn what mistakes you've made and try not to repeat them.

Then start afresh and enjoy the rest of your trip.

Good luck with the interview, hope you get the job.

spirallingdownwards Her whole issue was the swearing.

It would seem that way at first, but there's stuff in later posts that indicates that the issues go deeper. The swearing might be a "litmus test" behaviour for OP but I'm seeing bigger problems.

I have never had anyone tell me to fuck off, no, in the heat of an argument or otherwise. If they did I would find it very hurtful and hard to come back from, whether it was friend, relative or partner. And if anyone called me a cunt that would absolutely be it.

Why would you not just say 'I'm not ready to talk about it yet' instead of pretending there isn't anything wrong? Making the other person think they're going mad because they KNOW there is something wrong but you're lying about it so they start to doubt their own perception.

'I have some things on my mind, not anything you've done, I'm just not ready to speak about it yet'. That's how easy it is to both reassure your partner whilst also giving yourself the time you need to reflect/process.

Sometimes, it can take me days or weeks to even figure out that something is wrong. Also, "I'm fine" can be shorthand for "this isn't something you can help with so stop asking".

And there have been threads on here where a man doing had had been called coercive controlling abuse. Shutting down and withdrawing is childish....she's off in a strop and he's supposed to sit silently awaiting her needs whilst they are on holiday it's nasty.

It’s not some strange man from the street. It’s your partner who you’re supposed to be in a relationship with!

Absolutely agree - you’ve asked for feedback and he’s given it. You’ve not taken it constructively, instead you’ve taken it personally.

You're on holiday and instead of relaxing, he’s having to put up with you being stressed about a job interview.

I'm failing to understand why you're reading so much into this tiff. You've been together 18 months, live together and you've come away on holiday together. You're stressed about the job situation, which is understandable, but you said yourself that you've let it affect your holiday and not been fun to be around. You say he's normally kind and supportive but he's clearly wanting to enjoy his holiday, which I imagine, he's probably worked hard for and looked forward to too.
Please get this in perspective. Give each other some space and have a chat when you've both calmed down. It's madness to flounce off and make this a huge deal. If you don't like him telling you to f off, then during your talk, just explain that it's a real no no for you.
Honestly though, reading this, it's all a bit melodramatic over nothing.

Well, it never happened to me and (especially now) it won't ever, me thinks.
Been married for 20 years, no kids.
Also, it must be said, very independent as far as
actually wanting to be someone's partner.
😁

You sound a total high maintenance, manipulative anxious nightmare. He’s worked hard and wants to relax on holiday, you have booked interviews because you have no work/life boundaries, and he’s given you feedback and you’ve stropped because you don’t like it.

I hope he ends it even if you decide you want to continue the relationship because you need therapy rather you inflict your poor relationship skills on normal, emotionally mature men.

I’ve dated people like you that ‘go quiet’ when they aren’t happy about something and don’t want the other person to discuss it. It’s shit because the other person has to live with someone in a mood that infects the atmosphere for everyone else, and aren’t allowed to address it healthily. It’s a very obvious sign of someone who is emotionally immature. You sound awful op, also not surprised you aren’t interviewing well as your relationship skills clearly need work.

Totally agree, you only have to read the posts on here to see how normalised swearing is, it’s disgusting. Its all about respect and boundaries, I think all swearing is offensive. However, I can understand with the OP that she really pushed her partner to the limits and could see why he said it. But if anyone used the C word in a conversation with me it would be the end of a friendship/relationship.

Is this seriously a one off? Or were you re-evaluating your relationship already?

Constant interview talk and an interview on holiday. Hell.

My ex would take offence, sulk, go quiet on me frequently. It's soul-destroying when you've done nothing wrong! I got to the point where I would blow up at him for having another sulk. Sounds like your OH got to that point. Now you've escalated by going to stay somewhere else.

Umm, what now?

It's always helpful to quote the post you're referring too, so that I can see where the "drama" is...

Sometimes people don’t have control when they are interviewed for a job.

That was also my main take from the OP's post. He thinks he knows better than her how she's feeling. I've had that in my relationships and it's really fucking annoying.

Regarding having an interview while on holiday, I feel that many posters are being a bit unrealistic with the whole 'rearrange it' stuff - not all potential employers are going to be flexible, it may be for this job it's 'interview now or miss out'.

It's only been 18 months, I'd let this one go and concentrate on getting a job.

You sure you've got the right rule?

Yeah, deffo second rule: she's saying no to being around him and according to some posters that makes her abusive.

There's a word for men who believe that being in a relationship with them means that you don't get to have boundaries any more: abuser.

Well stone me, I thought these responses would be in support of the lass, given she said she wasn't taking it and it was a red flag. Instead the majority are answering it like she asked a AIBU, which she didn't, and basically character assassinating her for being too soft. Am I living in the 70's? I thought women now stuck by each other and each one determines what is and isn't tolerable to them in a relationship!

It's no wonder she hasn't posted back for any updates.

Wow - its best you do leave and dont come back, he's better off without you.

You take work on holiday, ask for feedback and when you dont like it, you sulk and cancel dinner.

Ending a relationship over a swear word - wasnt much of a relationship to start with was it.

She didn't take work on holiday, she took a job application on holiday. Job applications don't respect when your holidays are.

Of course everyone has their own deal breakers, and you can choose to break up with anyone, for any reason. I will say though, personally I wouldn't find being told to fuck off, in the context you've described, to be that big of a deal. Certainly not something to break up over. But again, that's just me.

Is it possible you're a bit more sensitive than usual, due to interview stresses?