He has just told me to F off

[Confusedandconfusedandconfused]

Partner of 1.5 years, we are away together for a few days.

He gave me some feedback based on a job I am applying for and it bruised me. I asked if we could speak back in the room rather than in a public place and we haven’t been speaking for the last couple of hours. I’m feeling stressed as have an upcoming interview and the atmosphere is not good.

We had dinner plans and I just said I wasn’t feeling up to it. I have also had another rejection for a different job I was applying to and feeling quite low.

He has stormed off out of our hotel and shouted at me to “fuck off”. I fully intend to.

What do I do now? We are in a tiny village.

He is otherwise supportive kind and patient but swearing at me is a red flag and I don’t want to continue the relationship.

I'm assuming that you asked him for feedback?

I think that you should have told him that you were hurt by what he said, not furious.

I can see how you not even wanting to go for dinner pissed him off though.

I would have thought a night away to prepare for the interview was a good idea.

Both have chance to calm down.

Not sure that's escalating-unless you are spending the rest of the holiday elsewhere & wanting to get back together when you get home.

If I was away on holiday with you and you were stressing over job interviews, refusing to go out to eat and basically bringing the mood down, I'd have told you to fuck off as well.

I think you are going to struggle to ever sustain an adult relationship if your instinct is to label spur of the moment angry swearing as a relationship ending red flag. Arguments happen, what comes after the argument is where the red flags lie.

It sounds like this trip was poorly timed with your work situation and you being “quiet” isn’t fun to be around. He’s definitely overreacted, but it’s like you want everything built around you and your feelings with no thought to the other person trying to have a nice few days away.

But if it’s a boundary for you, it is what it is. Good luck.

How is he ascribing feelings to her? He is observing that she doesn't seem to be acting like her usual self? An observation! And if she isn't usually quiet, then no, she is not quite herself. I'm not sure how that can be interpreted as telling her how she is feeling? Again, it certainly is NOT gaslighting.

There's definitely two sides to this story.

The bottom line, however, is that you're not suited to each other. Don't waste another year and a half of each other's time arguing about who's fault it is.

Where did the OP say she had lost her job? She simply says she has been job searching, had one rejection and has another interview for another job and she is stressed (understandably). No mention of money running out or frantically trying to get a job. I think you are reading more into what the OP is actually saying. She may not have a job and may be running out of money, but I suspect she may have mentioned that.

Maybe it was the straw that broke the camels back and he lashed out. It's no fun being on holiday with a moody person. You did escalate it by leaving too.

Like seriously? 😂We're obviously degenerates for effing & blinding in the heat of the moment

There's nothing in her post that says he was insensitive about his feedback more that she was dismissive of it because it's not his field....which could be insensitive of her. She then stayed quiet and refused to go to dinner....which was sometime after so carried her mood on for an extended period.
So she can be passive aggressive and controlling and he can't say oh fuck off and walk out presumably to find himself some food as she's now stropping and saying I'm not eating.

If someone shuts down and gives you silent treatment don't you try to work out why? I'd say it's a normal response if someone is suddenly behaving like this to assume something is wrong and if it's a change after you have been talking that it's you they are annoyed with. Isn't shutting down and refusing to talk manipulative controlling behaviour?

She didn't ask for his feedback.

Does she say that or is that another assumption of yours?

ETA because I'm a petty bitch I went and read through all OP's posts. She never said she didn't ask for feedback. She doesn't say either way. Watch out for that projection, you could trip over on it...

Where does it say she didn't? If she hadn't asked for it her post would have said that. Her issue was that he told her to fuck off. If she hadn't asked she would have said he gave feedback I didn't ask for or he read my application without permission or accessed my laptop. Don't make things up.

I would argue that denying someone a right to set boundaries about whether they talk or not is abusive. If a man won't respect my right to say no to a conversation, what else won't he respect my right to say no to?

But if she's being quiet and she's not usually then she's 'not being herself'.

I had an abusive boyfriend who would give me the silent treatment if I said something they didn't like, I wouldn't always know what the problem was and I'd ask along the lines of 'is everything okay, you're not being yourself' because I felt it was non confrontational. It's not nice to feel a bad atmosphere so you try get to the bottom of it to fix it. Of course he would always get angry at me for questioning it.

Nothing more frustrating than someone saying there isn't anything wrong when there clearly is, and by her own admission she was annoyed at the feedback.

You are equally making it up that she did ask for feedback. Surely, if she'd asked for feedback, she'd have said so in her OP?

Exactly. The silent treatment is passive aggressive.

Her whole issue was the swearing.

He won't have randomly grabbed the application from her. Otherwise this would actually be more lf an issue than telling her to fuck off and indeed she would have specifically said so.

I agree with the points you make about she is allowed to be quiet and set her own boundaries but to persist with the she didn't ask for feedback is nonsense.

Just being quiet is being herself. I don't know anyone who talks all the time.

Nothing more frustrating than someone saying there isn't anything wrong when there clearly is

I disagree: having someone poke and needle me into talking about something that I don't want to talk about, at least not yet, or can't talk about yet because my feelings are too raw or I'm still processing what's happened, is far worse than frustrating. It's invasive, it's threatening, it makes me react with the same defensive fear response as if you raised your fist to punch me. If you want me to react just like OP, needle me about something I'm not ready to talk about yet.

This. No excuse for swearing at you but you sound quite sensitive. Understandably if you are having no luck with jobs. Maybe put aside the job searching and enjoy your holiday together.

Projecting again. Surely nothing. It might have happened how you assume, just as possible that OP left out that she asked for feedback because she wanted to skew the responses in her favour. You have No Idea. Don't assume you do!

So much projection.

He gave me some feedback based on a job I am applying for and it bruised me. I asked if we could speak back in the room rather than in a public place

He clearly started giving feedback unsolicited in a public place, hence why she asked if it could wait.

Remind me, what do we call men who start unsolicitedly criticising their GFs in public when it could wait until later?

Nah, just someone who is rereading the OP's posts several times and spotting details that I didn't spot before.