He has just told me to F off

[Confusedandconfusedandconfused]

Partner of 1.5 years, we are away together for a few days.

He gave me some feedback based on a job I am applying for and it bruised me. I asked if we could speak back in the room rather than in a public place and we haven’t been speaking for the last couple of hours. I’m feeling stressed as have an upcoming interview and the atmosphere is not good.

We had dinner plans and I just said I wasn’t feeling up to it. I have also had another rejection for a different job I was applying to and feeling quite low.

He has stormed off out of our hotel and shouted at me to “fuck off”. I fully intend to.

What do I do now? We are in a tiny village.

He is otherwise supportive kind and patient but swearing at me is a red flag and I don’t want to continue the relationship.

It is not gaslighting.

She's removing herself from someone who swore at her. She is setting boundaries as is her right. She is taking steps to maximise her chance of interview success.

It's the second rule of misogyny to claim that she's unreasonable in doing this.

That's as may be, but you do get to choose the extent to which it dominates/intrudes into the holiday. It could just have been a couple of hours out where she asked him if he could take himself off on his own for a short while and let her get on with it.

How is "you're feeling X not Y" not gaslighting?

You are being ridiculous here. You asked for feedback and he was honest with you and you went in a huff.

This has ruined things this far and strangely instead of remaining in a huff about the feedback you have changed tack and decided you are in a huff because he told you to eff off.

Now you are really upped the ante and booked another room.

You are high maintenance, dramatic and attention seeking.

You will get folk in here telling you that they’d run a mile if someone told them to eff off but really it’s not that deep. The word is said millions of times a day across the world.

Also in the future don’t ask for advice if you can’t handle people being honest with you. He’s not there to nurse your ego.

Have you ever lost a job and been frantically trying to get another whilst your money runs out?

I have, and there's no way that I could ever have concealed my utter terror.

I'm sorry but TBH I think you are overreacting... people aren't machines and it sounds like your job search has been hard to live with. Was his critique accurate out of interest? Sounds like he was trying to help you feel better prepared and you got offended.

He didn't say that.

Of course she's removing herself from someone who swore at her. Whether it's to maximise her chances of success at interview is something you infer.

The boyfriend did not say the was unreasonable.

Nobody here knows how he delivered the feedback. He may have been a total twat about it, tactless, undermining and sneering.

We just don't know.

She was bringing the vibe down!

I'm self-employed. This is how I live month to month.

But I manage not to let it destroy my relationship. And if I ask someone for constructive criticism because I'm clearly getting nowhere and what I've been doing so far isn't working, then I listen and take it onboard. I don't throw a strop and blame them for telling me some home truths.

You're claiming that she's unreasonable and that's still enacting the second rule.

Her removing herself will improve her interview chances, whether that's her intent or not.

Did you apologise? Sounds like you should have to me. I'd be upset if DH and I had gone away and he'd behaved like you have.

Quoting the OP: saying that “I’m not myself” etc which I find annoying when actually I’m just feeling quiet.

He ascribes feelings to her that are not true.

I've read all the OP's posts and I can't see where it says that she asked for feedback. He gave it, though. And he basically trashed what she had prepared for the interview. Then when that annoyed her he blamed HER for spoiling the evening.
He is sabotaging her attempts to find a job.
He is making her perfectly understandable feelings all about him.
Her self-confidence is on the floor.
And he is making her believe that it is All Her Fault.
OP, best of luck with that interview, and get shot of this one, he's a wrongun.

You chose that, whereas OP had total loss of income forced on her. The kind of personality that copes badly with financial insecurity doesn't become self-employed.

I have claimed no such thing. I have made no comments at all about the OP's behaviour.

I've no idea whether or not removing herself will improve her chances at interview. You said this, by inference, as the OP didn't say it.

I can't see where it says that she asked for feedback. He gave it, though.

Thank you for spelling out what I had only subconsciously picked up.

It's interesting how so many previous posters jumped to the assumption that OP had asked for his feedback.

He is sabotaging her attempts to find a job.

YEEESS and this is a form of abuse.

Whose idea was the holiday, OP? His or yours? Because I would never suggest a holiday when unemployed, I would need to be job hunting!

It's not fucking rocket science that spending the evening and night alone instead of around someone who has OP walking on eggshells will make for a calmer and better rested OP.

Don't ask for feedback if you don't actually want it. If you consider the feedback isn't correct for your industry then why ask anyway or ignore it?

You by your own admission then got down and now on your few days away don't want to go put for dinner spoiling his few days away.

You have flip flopped about how he said fuck off and at one point admitted it wasn't a YOU fuck off but more an of fuck off moment.

I think maybe the stress of job hunting is making you take out your frustrations on him and his has been more of a reaction to your negativity than him taking am aggressive proactive role.

If you have other issues meaning you don't want to be with him then so be it. But it seems like an excuse to treat this one reaction as a reason to split.

No, that’s not gaslighting. Please learn what it means before you throw the word around.

However giving someone the silent treatment is a form of abuse….

That's NOT what he said, he said "You're not yourself", i.e., this behaviour that I am seeing is not typical of how you usually are. That's his opinion which he is allowed to have and voice. He is NOT saying "you are feeling X not Y". Huge difference. What he said is NOT gaslighting.

Where does the OP say she's currently out-of-work. You are aware that people in work also apply for work when they want a change of job, or when they can't advance where they are?

Of course she asked for feedback on her application because otherwise she would have said he wrestled my application/laptop from my hands to read it and gave me feedback even though I didn't ask for any!

And that would have been listed as part of the issue rather than "I am upset because he told me to fuck off".