Would you find this level of stinginess unacceptable?

[WhingeyStingey]

I've been dating a man for a couple of months. He has many lovely qualities but has described himself as "tight" with money (although will happily spend ££££ on his hobbies).

For reference, I'm all about equity and have paid half for every meal we have had in restaurants. I also bought our coffees on our first date as he had travelled further (only 25 minutes though in total).

I've noticed the following behaviours which, frankly, have turned me off;

1. The first time he came to my house he turned up empty-handed. We had decided to cook a meal together and I had bought all the food, nice Gu desserts and alcohol. He did message on his way to ask if I needed anything picking up from the shop for the meal but obviously I had already got everything by that point. If it were me, I would have come with a bottle of wine or flowers (if a female friend).

1. That same evening, we nipped to the local pub after the meal and he let me pay for the drinks (we just had one each). I offered to pay so I guess it was my fault but now feel he should have paid as I had laid on the all food/dinks at my house.

1. We went for a meal and then to a fancy cinema. He drove (20 mins). I paid for parking (£10!) . We split the meal bill. The cinema tickets were on me as I have a membership and get 6 "free" tickets a year. We had a drink in the cinema and again, he let me pay. He made some comment about how he doesn't generally fork out for coffee but he is always happy to accept one if someone wants to buy him one!

Maybe it's me that has the problem and I should just stop offering. I'm quite a generous person and don't usually keep score but I've started to with him due to noticing these behaviour patterns. Would you be bothered by his tightness?

I’ve now RTFT and @WhingeyStingey I’m so pleased you’ve ended it.

The bit about the cooking pans would have clinched it for me (actually the bad sex would have done it ). You can buy cookware from Poundland! Or IKEA if he wants to push the boat out.

Well done, OP. You sound like a lovely normal person. He has obviously taken and taken from his wife. And he’s got noooo idea how to treat women as equals not support humans.

No wonder his wife got rid.

Ew would definitely find it very unattractive ! For me is one of the most unattractive qualities in a a man

Someone who is self-confessed tight wad. How do you see this changing? He is what he is and that won't change. I would jump ship.

Only on mn do folk habitually turn up as a guest with flowers & wine and are aghast others don’t
Just be direct,you’re hoping and hinting. Just tell him what you want, see how he responds

Sorry @WhingeyStingey

I had a friend who dated a vet, if she cooked for him then the next meal was on him!…. So when you bought all the meal ingredients, I’d have said on the next occasion “I purchased last time.. this one’s on you!’ … it’s not unreasonable!
I bought the drinks last time.. these are on you.
Or ask ‘do you fancy a coffee’… when he says yes… say cool, I’ll have a cappuccino please!’ If they say anything just politely point out you got them last time!
My husband got like this towards the end, tight as hell, we went to town one day and our DD wanted a bubble tea thingy… £6.. he moaned so I said ‘I’ll get this, can you get us a costa?’…. I went in, ordered and waited … came back out and he hasn’t got coffees… then he says ‘I’ll have one if you’re getting one!’…. I said NAH don’t bother!!… and got myself a coke in the £shop!
My friends ex would say he fancied a KFC, they’d all drive to get one then he’d say he’d forgotten his Wallet…
They certainly live amongst us!!

GLAD YOU DUMPED HIM!

Is that so ??

Wont pay for a coffee but i bet he goes to Costa on his birthday for his free cake

he doesn't generally fork out for coffee but he is always happy to accept one if someone wants to buy him one!

Ewwwww. This would put me off so completely, I could not get over someone who would take advantage like this.

I don’t even think it’s worth mentioning it to him. You cooked him dinner and then paid for a round of drinks afterwards. He knows he’s being cheap and is happy to take advantage of you.

It could be worth going on a date and not being the first to offer to pay. Just wait and see what happens.

This.

it’s not a behaviour he can change, it’s who he is. he told you that and you weren’t listening .

Going against the grain, my now husband was like this! For him it was more that we were a 'team' so if I offered and paid he didn't think anything of it and wouldn't be thinking oh I better pay next time.

He is actually the most generous person I know and has the kindest heart, just doesn't think things through like this. I've not worked for a good few years for various reasons and he has never once had an issue with covering all our household costs.

No no no!!! This is not the one for you! Im OK with people on a budget, Im not well off either but I would never ever take advantage of anyone be so friend or potential partner! If I cant afford sth I say so upfront and when I feel somebody is doing more, like familes who often have my younger son over (I cant invite because of a jealous autistic older son who is not always nice to male friends of his younger brother) I always make sure to buy food stuff treats or gifts so that I wont feel indebted or taking advantage of their generosity. They are sweet people who always say this is not necessary but this is about me and the way I was brought up. To be dating someone who acted like your man I would get an allergic reaction. This tells alot of a person. You seem like a generous sweet person who deserves someone way better. Please put a stop to this now. Leave him to count his pennies and you go ahead and enjoy your life!💖

I’ve now RTFT and @WhingeyStingey I’m so pleased you’ve ended it.

The bit about the cooking pans would have clinched it for me (actually the bad sex would have done it ). You can buy cookware from Poundland! Or IKEA if he wants to push the boat out.

Well done, OP. You sound like a lovely normal person. He has obviously taken and taken from his wife. And he’s got noooo idea how to treat women as equals not support humans.

No wonder his wife got rid.

I’ll bet the sex is crap..

My friend was in a similar ongoing situation with a very tight man she was dating. One night they went out for pizza and he actually offered to pay, then sent her his bank details the next day asking for half the money. That was the last date they went on

If he's like this now at the outset of your relationship imagine how much worse he will get later in. I'd bin him off now and if he asks why tell him it's very unattractive to be tight and let you pay for everything.

Throw him back in the sea!

He is NOT bein tight - necessarily
Simply tryin 2 identify the boundaries - and U R givin HIM the power
If something is an issue - U NEED 2 flag it up otherwise he WILL continue.
U R showin HIM that it IS acceptable behaviour, so it WILL continue
U have NOT set an outlier

Never pay for a man

She DID identify her BOUNDARIES and she DID dump him a WHILE ago

Men who are stingy with money are stingy with other things too. It's a sign of selfishness. Get rid.

Sounds like my ex. Two years of this behaviour including penny pinching on holiday and shockingly naff Christmas gifts. Nothing for birthdays. I used to accuse him of thinking I'm lady bountiful, as he just let me pay as I earned more, but not that much more, plus i had mortgage and he still lived with parents. Looking back I don't know why I put up with it for so long. It's inbuilt, he won't ever change.

Yes. And I think PepsiMaxPerfect has been on too much Pepsi Max…

Sorry but I would definitely move on. If he’s like this at the beginning it will only get worse.
I fell for a ‘short arms & long pockets’ bloke many years ago. He moved on to ‘forgetting’ his wallet when we went anywhere. He proposed & I foolishly accepted, he then announced that he didn’t believe in engagement rings but I could buy one for myself if I wanted. He earned twice my salary too. Needless to say we didn’t make it up the aisle!

edit….
sorry posted too soon, just read your update that you’ve ended it. Well done!

I find this the ugliest trait…get rid