Would you find this level of stinginess unacceptable?

[WhingeyStingey]

I've been dating a man for a couple of months. He has many lovely qualities but has described himself as "tight" with money (although will happily spend ££££ on his hobbies).

For reference, I'm all about equity and have paid half for every meal we have had in restaurants. I also bought our coffees on our first date as he had travelled further (only 25 minutes though in total).

I've noticed the following behaviours which, frankly, have turned me off;

1. The first time he came to my house he turned up empty-handed. We had decided to cook a meal together and I had bought all the food, nice Gu desserts and alcohol. He did message on his way to ask if I needed anything picking up from the shop for the meal but obviously I had already got everything by that point. If it were me, I would have come with a bottle of wine or flowers (if a female friend).

1. That same evening, we nipped to the local pub after the meal and he let me pay for the drinks (we just had one each). I offered to pay so I guess it was my fault but now feel he should have paid as I had laid on the all food/dinks at my house.

1. We went for a meal and then to a fancy cinema. He drove (20 mins). I paid for parking (£10!) . We split the meal bill. The cinema tickets were on me as I have a membership and get 6 "free" tickets a year. We had a drink in the cinema and again, he let me pay. He made some comment about how he doesn't generally fork out for coffee but he is always happy to accept one if someone wants to buy him one!

Maybe it's me that has the problem and I should just stop offering. I'm quite a generous person and don't usually keep score but I've started to with him due to noticing these behaviour patterns. Would you be bothered by his tightness?

Yes its too stingy. I would bin him. Especially if you are a generous person!

PS. DON’T give this twat the reason why you’ve called time on the saga. He’ll just be able to HIDE his inner flaws more carefully with the next woman!

and i’d ask for my pots and pans back. Why did you give a man who owns two houses outright your extra pots and pans? To prove you’re a keeper? A nice person? Natural generosity? Nothing wrong with that especially- but look MORE CLOSELY what he’s proving to YOU next week time. Hindsight is of course a wonderful thing.

This would really get to me.

There is nothing more unattractive than tight people. If someone has a limited budget then say so & we'll can pick free/ low coat activities.

If he's tight now when he's trying to impress you what will he be like in 1 or 5 or 10 years time?

He didn't finish one beer so took the half-empty bottle home with him!

Good lord. Well done for ending it.

Next time you go out for food or drinks tell him if he’s not going to pay 100%, then you’ll pay for yours and he can pay for his

Haven’t read all 14 pages of replies but this post has been posted before, definitely.

He sounds v immature 🙄

Oh, I would say the biggest mistake you made is you offered. Let the man show if he can be a gentleman, and never split the bill on the 1st date. If a man is into you, he will definitely offer himself to pay. Secondly, his comments are very frank, and he will be happily living off your back if you two get into a serious relationship. Also, please stop counting how many minutes he drove. I remember one of my boyfriends flew to my hometown (2.5hour flight), still paid for eating out and his stay, and he was fine with it, never complained about money. If a man starts to make comments as he is stingy right at the start of your relationship, run as fast you can, it is not a good sign. As, you will start counting how much water you use, how much petrol and other petty things. He is self-absorbed man, and he is literally not respecting you as a woman with this behaviour.

I went to dinner at a friends house recently. I have done a lot for her recently (helped her assemble furniture, painting etc) and I'm skint so I didn't feel I needed to go overboard with a bunch of expensive flowers or wine so I just got a large bag of marshmallows to bring round. They were £2.50 but I know she likes them. So my point is it's rude to turn up empty handed. It's the thought as much as the money (I think).

He doesn’t sound much fun. Chuck.

No. He thinks it is ok. He might make certain efforts, to appease you, but he is showing you who he is! Look at the person he is showing, not saying.

Concentrate on self care. Feel better

Do you both have jobs?

Dump him. I find stinginess the biggest turn off as someone who is also generous. Don’t worry about explaining to him. In my experience, stingy people see no wrong in the ways - quite the opposite in fact. I would find it exasperating and even depressing being in a serious relationship with someone like this.

Thank goodness

He sounds like my arsehole of an uncle. Anything for a freebie and never offers to pay for anything for anyone. Get rid.

Good on you for dumping him. This guy is a freeloader. I can’t believe he came empty handed to dinner at your place and also didn’t bring plates and utensils for the outdoor date (I bet he didn’t offer to clean up either - this is why he didn’t bring them, to avoid this).

He sounds like he is looking for someone to pay his way and someone to cook and clean after him. Better to have cut him loose.

I just caught up on a previous post reading that he took the half empty beer back home with him (even though you paid), and wanted to take your pan too😮It’s good you dumped him, he really knows no bounds.

Get rid. Stinginess is incredibly unattractive

He has show you his true colours. It would be foolish to stay (or enter) any relationship with him.

He's probably patting himself on the back for all the free stuff he got out of you, including a bloody saucepan. Is he incapable of ordering from Amazon or going to a supermarket for one?

The bad sex and mean. Ugh.

I hope you find somebody really lovely when you are ready!

I’d flip the script.

Every time you need to get coffee / cinema tickets / food / parking pay exactly your half /order. No explanation needed. In a bar-buy your own drink and let him buy his. Dinner-at the start of the meal tell the waiter you would like two separate cheques.

no awkward conversation needed just set your boundaries and see what happens.

When it’s his turn to pay, tell him you left your purse at home, sorry I can’t get these

And it’s this attitude that has created far more problems than solved any. Traditionally it was the man who paid and a woman would return the favour in nice gestures. Now, you pay for the privilege of what exactly? Plus if you had continued with this man, he would have expected you to do his life admin, cooking, picking up his dirty socks and knickers… I’m no stooge. I refuse to be treated anything less than a lady and thankfully I have a thoughtful, kind and generous husband because of it.

This is very tight. I would leave him as never again with a tight man. This would translate to a life of misery if you move in together or even travel. For me is the worst.

Just dump him. He's stingy AND selfish.