Would you find this level of stinginess unacceptable?

[WhingeyStingey]

I've been dating a man for a couple of months. He has many lovely qualities but has described himself as "tight" with money (although will happily spend ££££ on his hobbies).

For reference, I'm all about equity and have paid half for every meal we have had in restaurants. I also bought our coffees on our first date as he had travelled further (only 25 minutes though in total).

I've noticed the following behaviours which, frankly, have turned me off;

1. The first time he came to my house he turned up empty-handed. We had decided to cook a meal together and I had bought all the food, nice Gu desserts and alcohol. He did message on his way to ask if I needed anything picking up from the shop for the meal but obviously I had already got everything by that point. If it were me, I would have come with a bottle of wine or flowers (if a female friend).

1. That same evening, we nipped to the local pub after the meal and he let me pay for the drinks (we just had one each). I offered to pay so I guess it was my fault but now feel he should have paid as I had laid on the all food/dinks at my house.

1. We went for a meal and then to a fancy cinema. He drove (20 mins). I paid for parking (£10!) . We split the meal bill. The cinema tickets were on me as I have a membership and get 6 "free" tickets a year. We had a drink in the cinema and again, he let me pay. He made some comment about how he doesn't generally fork out for coffee but he is always happy to accept one if someone wants to buy him one!

Maybe it's me that has the problem and I should just stop offering. I'm quite a generous person and don't usually keep score but I've started to with him due to noticing these behaviour patterns. Would you be bothered by his tightness?

I'd give this guy a chance, because you can practice on him.

I'm pretty certain I read it on here that women are not rehab centres for dysfunctional men.

OP, who paid for the tickets tonight?

I think the OP said they were pay on the door.

Yes it would bother me. I'm happy to pay my way but it's nice for partners to treat each other sometimes. I think he lacks generosity of spirit. He turned up at your house without even a bottle of wine or a box of chocolates! I can't imagine being invited for a meal and doing that 😳 I'd finish with him now, it's only going to get more annoying as time goes on!

agree. so so unattractive. I had one a long time ago like this. strikingly handsome man, became unattractive and then repellent to me over time.

Ask if his wallet has glue on it. When he says no why, say well how come it’s always stuck so firmly in your pocket?

Imagine if he became more integrated into your life, you're invited for dinner or a birthday with a family member or with friends and he's really tight about what to bring - you'd be apologising or covering up for him or arguing about it. No thanks

Sounds as though his wife's orgasms were all down to her, too!

Instant ick. Dump and don't be so eager to pay half next time. In this day and age a lot of men will use that as an excuse to never spend a penny on you

It doesn't sound like a match. If you enjoy going out and doing nice things and he doesn't want to spend anything then it's going to get tricky down the line.

He is tight with money and you carry on offering to pay. Now it is a pattern, and he won't even think to offer to pay his share.
If you like him say something to him.
If you are off because that have killed the spark, just leave him.

There’s a difference between being frugal and tight. My OH and I tend to be quite frugal with our money. We have a healthy income but don’t squander the money, we still watch the pennies. Neither of us are tight though. That’s different. He is happy for you to foot the bill so he can save his money. Fuck that. Next!!

I’m all for equality and paying my way but it’s give and take. If you’ve cooked him dinner the very least he could do is buy the drinks. If you offer to pay all the time he should be saying ‘no this is my round’ or whatever.

He seems to almost be proud of being a tight arse. I’ve not dated anyone like that but did have a mate a few years back who constantly stood back and let everyone else buy drinks and then sloped off home before buying her round.

It’s not a trait that’s acceptable for most people. Being skint is totally different to being tight but then most skint people are honest about it.

I have no problem buying a drink or paying for lunch for someone I know is a bit short at the mo but when it’s a repeat pattern - no thanks

He's tighter than two coats of paint. Cant believe you paid to park HIS car. Hangs back and doesn't offer to buy another drink. Sits there and let's you buy before you die of thirst.
Bin the tight wad off!!

My very good friend has a saying: stingy wallet stingy heart.

I was wondering whether he would have paid for her, given she'd cooked him dinner (again). Actually I wasn't really wondering, I was guessing she'd either pay for herself or for both of them!

Run! There’s IMO almost nothing worse than a man who’s mean with money. If he’s like this on first dates, it doesn’t bear thinking about what he’d be like later.

this would give me the absolute ick.

Ugh I think being tight with money is one of the worst , most unattractive traits! Even if he were on a low wage, some flowers from the supermarket and a couple of drinks wouldn’t have cost much! It will be a very dull relationship and also very one sided if he is this stingy with money

Jeez no. There are few things less attractive in a partner than that level of meanness.

Vomit - glad you have finished it. If he requests a reason I would tell him kindly but clearly.

Yes, I'd be bothered by his tightness but also bothered by myself.

Don't expect him to be a mind reader. If you say you don't need him to get anything and offer to pay/provide, why is the mental load on him to figure out that you want him to second guess you?

Here's what I'd do. Next date I would be really specific about what you want him to bring (e.g. Sauvignon Blanc in the £15-£20 range). I would not offer to pay. If he asks to go Dutch (after that gap/silence you usually fill be paying) I'd state that it's his turn.

If he refuses than at least you know where you are.

Had one of those - throw him back OP! They get worse with time as they grow emboldened in their CF'kery. He asked me to make a voluntary contribution for a one-week holiday we took in his van (to contribute to running van costs, taking into account how much he had paid for said van bought 4 years before I'd even met him).

When I cooked a 3 course meal at the start of the relationship, he turned up with nothing, expected me to do the cleaning up and didn't pay for lunch the next day!! Should realised then he was a twat - still get angry thinking what a sponger he was!

Go out for an expensive meal, tell him it's about time he paid and make sure he does, then dump him.

Massive, enormous, huge and major turn off for me.

And he's clueless in bed?

Stop giving him so many chances!