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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So upset after being hit by partner

169 replies

Rach151 · 08/06/2024 09:09

Most of the time I live a happy normal life with my partner, we are currently trying ttc with no success yet. For the past week he has had some friends over to stay from away and I notice that he becomes a lad and plays up infront of them, trying to be funny all the time etc and being quite rude towards me although he thinks it's funny and I dont. I said I dont think it's funny i get replied with I have no sense of humor and I am too quiet. We have been bickering the whole week. Last night he got angry with me again behind his friends knowing he was screaming at me to get out of his house. I ran to collect some of my things he then got in my face telling me I cant go yet as his frineds will see, pushed him back slightly as was in my space he then hit me across the face to which I just screamed and cried so loud. His friends would of heard this. I then ran to my room for the rest of the night. The rest of the night I heard his friends laughing etc as they carried on there card game etc. Not one person came to see if I was ok. Later that night my partner came to bed and apologised for hitting me and again this morning he was trying to cuddle me and made me a tea. I feel so upset. He has hit me previously when angry and I know it's wrong but then he apologizes and he has temper issues but just with me it seems. I love him as we get on well when we do. Feeling so confused and upset.

OP posts:
Redruby2020 · 08/06/2024 17:36

BeaFuddled · 08/06/2024 09:13

He'll hit you again and again. In front of any kids you might have - imagine the effect that'll have on them.

He'll hit them too.

Yes! I and a good few others were silly enough to think it would change or they wouldn't do similar things, they just carry on the same ways if not worse.
Plus OP he will trap you with a baby, which going by his behaviour is likely what he was thinking in terms of getting you pregnant.

Redruby2020 · 08/06/2024 17:38

ThePerfectDog · 08/06/2024 09:15

Leave today, speak to your support networks in real life and tell them what happened.

This is not a one off already. He’s shown you twice who he is and all the lovey stuff this morning is purely manipulation.

Consider whether you want to press charges.

You know because women ok maybe not all but I and plenty of others have been there.
We want to believe the good in someone, we want them to be how they should be and so any little nice sides or making up for things you hang on to.

No OP don't wait to see what happens next!

IndecentPropolis · 08/06/2024 17:41

And you’re trying for a baby. I despair. Poor bloody child.

Redruby2020 · 08/06/2024 17:42

H34th · 08/06/2024 09:19

he was screaming at me to get out of his house. I ran to collect some of my things he then got in my face telling me I cant go yet as his frineds will see

Are his friends gone now?
Pack your bags when he's on the bathroom. Do not say a word to him. Leave. Block on phone.

Do you have a friend/ family he doesn't know of?

This will not stop until you leave. Leave, even if you don't want to, even if you love him - leave, trust us all.

Yes I agree, I am surprised at how many think they need to give a warning to the guy, or tell them what they are planning on doing because they feel bad otherwise, or feel they need to let them know what they are doing or planning.
No you don't need to.

Redruby2020 · 08/06/2024 17:44

Lavender14 · 08/06/2024 09:23

Op, you need to leave. This will not get better this man is abusing you and abuse usually gets much worse during pregnancy.

Do you want your child to grow up thinking that it's normal for their mother to be undermined, belittled, screamed at and hit? Do you want them to grow up thinking that's how they should treat a partner or be treated by a partner?

You leave now, you get support from womens aid and you cut this guy out of your life and find someone who treats you the way you deserve.

Domestic abuse isn't an anger issue. It's a control issue. He didn't hit you because he'd lost his temper, he hit you because he wanted to control you and how you acted in front of his mates. He hit you because he wanted to. Because he felt that was acceptable and because he knows that there's no consequence to it because you stay.

The ONLY course of action here is to leave and block him and cut him out completely.

Look up the cycle of violence on the women's aid website. The apologising and promises to come are just part of him gaslighting you and excusing himself and manipulating you. He's not sorry, he doesn't think he's done anything wrong. He's saying what he needs to to keep you where he wants you. If he was actually sorry he'd probably break up with you and put himself in therapy. But he's not going to do that because right now this serves him.

Some men don't even apologise!

LakeTiticaca · 08/06/2024 17:50

GET
OUT
NOW
Don't look back!!!

doodleZ1 · 08/06/2024 17:59

BodyKeepingScore · 08/06/2024 16:12

If he had "temper issues" he'd be hitting men his own size as well when he "lost it". The fact that he doesn't do that shows he doesn't have temper issues, he's simply a violent bully and you need to leave him.

Exactly that. OP has he ever hit men? If not, he can control himself when his own safety is at risk. You know all this, he is not someone you can “save” but he is someone that will suck the life and joy out of you and any children you have with him. You will regret staying, you need some distance to see things clearly. Leave.

Rachel8889 · 08/06/2024 18:00

Leave him. It won’t get better. Speaking from experience.

ilovepixie · 08/06/2024 18:32

You need to leave him now. He will hit you again and again and it will be harder and harder each time.
When you have children he could hit them too! Do you want this sort of life, cowering in fear wondering what 'mood' he is going to be in. Walking on eggshells and trying to protect yourself and your children.
Get out now while you can

Mxflamingnoravera · 08/06/2024 19:30

I suspect this is not what you want to hear. I hope your silence on here after a unanimous stream of leave him messages means you're busy packing your stuff and on your way to safety. If it's not the case, please, please read all these message again. Act on them, ask your mum, or a friend to help you get out but do it and do it quickly. If he gets wind of you leaving it could get worse. Don't threaten him with leaving, just do it, and don't look back, don't listen to apologies or excuses.

Allthehorsesintheworld · 08/06/2024 19:40

Don’t choose a violent father for your child.
He’s violent now and that frequently escalates during pregnancy.
Violent men can kill and often do.
You are worth far, far more than this.
Leave. Go to a place of safety. Do not get pregnant by him, you’ll be tied to him for 18 years.

Nazzywish · 08/06/2024 20:25

Leave. Do not conceive a child with him. You know what you need to do - so do it. And do it now. You shouldn't even have hung around until the morning every minute you wait the harder it gets to walk. But walk you must otherwise next time it'll be a punch to your child's face one day.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 08/06/2024 20:38

I know your emotions will be making you think and feel all sorts but you need to go head over heart on this one.

He’s hit you before and he WILL do it again. He’s shown you the sort of man he is - believe him.

Do not have a baby with him. It’s a terrible thing to bring a child into an abusive home and you will be tied to him forever.

IReallyStillCantBeBothered · 08/06/2024 21:24

nobeans · 08/06/2024 09:11

Not one person came to see if I was ok. not on them. They probably didn't know what to do.

No justification at all. They are cowards and pieces of shit for hearing their friend hit his partner and hear her crying in her room and they continue to have fun and laugh. No excuse whatsoever.

@Rach151 it’s very frustrating because the tone of your post suggests you’re not ready to leave and that’s a shame. There no excuse whatsoever for him to treat you like this and there should be no going back. But unfortunate see this time and time again the women makes excuses for a forgives him only to repeat repeat repeat.

Once you have kids it gets more complicated.

StripeyDeckchair · 08/06/2024 21:45

Leave him now
Stop ttc with this awful person
Take your stuff, leave, block and end it

He hit you
His friends will have heard but did nothing
From this I'd say that physical violence against women and/or people that are weaker than him is the norm and 100% acceptable in his world.

QueenBitch666 · 09/06/2024 00:41

Get the fuck away from him. Abusive bastard 😡

Teentaxidriver · 09/06/2024 01:00

you need to leave him. DO NOT have a child with this man. Your have your life in front of you. Get out now. He is abusive, immature and CRUEL.

EmeraldDreams73 · 15/09/2024 13:07

Jesus. Loving him is NOT enough, OP. Do not have children with this bellend and please, please leave him. It will only get worse and it will ruin your life if you stay (and your children's lives if you have them).

Get away from him. It doesn't matter if you love him (though please get some therapy to find out why you can still feel love for someone like this). Give yourself a chance for a happy life and be thankful you haven't had kids with him.

EmeraldDreams73 · 15/01/2025 17:39

Editing to delete as I was reiterating my previous post

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