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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So upset after being hit by partner

169 replies

Rach151 · 08/06/2024 09:09

Most of the time I live a happy normal life with my partner, we are currently trying ttc with no success yet. For the past week he has had some friends over to stay from away and I notice that he becomes a lad and plays up infront of them, trying to be funny all the time etc and being quite rude towards me although he thinks it's funny and I dont. I said I dont think it's funny i get replied with I have no sense of humor and I am too quiet. We have been bickering the whole week. Last night he got angry with me again behind his friends knowing he was screaming at me to get out of his house. I ran to collect some of my things he then got in my face telling me I cant go yet as his frineds will see, pushed him back slightly as was in my space he then hit me across the face to which I just screamed and cried so loud. His friends would of heard this. I then ran to my room for the rest of the night. The rest of the night I heard his friends laughing etc as they carried on there card game etc. Not one person came to see if I was ok. Later that night my partner came to bed and apologised for hitting me and again this morning he was trying to cuddle me and made me a tea. I feel so upset. He has hit me previously when angry and I know it's wrong but then he apologizes and he has temper issues but just with me it seems. I love him as we get on well when we do. Feeling so confused and upset.

OP posts:
RomanRoysSearchHistory · 08/06/2024 14:58

nobeans · 08/06/2024 09:11

Not one person came to see if I was ok. not on them. They probably didn't know what to do.

I disagree. Everyone should call out this shit. If you don't, you're complicit.

tsmainsqueeze · 08/06/2024 14:58

isthewashingdryyet · 08/06/2024 09:10

Leave now. Do not have a baby with this man.

This 100% !!!!!!!!!!!
Don't mistake what you have for love , it absolutely is not and surely you know that to bring a baby into this would be a disaster.

Opentooffers · 08/06/2024 15:03

I can tell by your tone you are not ready for leaving him, he will keep doing it, and it will get worse. Meantime, the best you can do is stop ttc straight away, it's lucky you haven't yet. If it's his house, that he owns and you don't have your own assets, you should not me having DC's with him without being financially protected by marriage first. That is a crazy idea as you are unstable and as he has just shown, currently he can chuck you out whenever, even with a DC.
Have you had poor examples of how relationships should be, which is maybe why you are putting up with this? You should of left the first time, you have no ties to him, so the best time to leave is now. This is regardless of your feelings of love, hard though they are to ignore, they are wasted on him, you can find love with a far better man.

PickAChew · 08/06/2024 15:05

What's confusing? He is a violent abuser and it would only get worse with a baby.

WhereAreWeNow · 08/06/2024 15:14

Please leave this man @Rach151 .
He's hurt you on several occasions. He's verbally and physically abusive.
I know you don't want to believe this but he will get worse.
Get out while you can.
Please.

BobbyBiscuits · 08/06/2024 15:19

This is inexcusable. He's utterly horrendous and a bullying abuser.
If you have a pregnancy, what happens if he assaults you then, kicks you on the streets just bc he thinks it makes him look hard in front of his mates?
Please just leave and don't go back. Thank your lucky stars you don't have a baby with this brute.
Can you speak to women's aid? Go and stay with your family tonight.

Exactlab · 08/06/2024 15:21

nobeans · 08/06/2024 09:11

Not one person came to see if I was ok. not on them. They probably didn't know what to do.

Why would the OP expect them to check on her?
The only person who can help herself is her.

doodleZ1 · 08/06/2024 15:24

Think how you felt when you were hit by him. Think that you dont need to put up with this abuse, as it is abuse. Make sure you never feel this way again. Block this man and never have anything more to do with him. Otherwise you will spend the rest of your life walking on eggshells to ensure you dont annoy him or say the wrong thing. If a work friend told you she had been hit and then a few months later she told you she was hit again, what would you think? Would you think this was a nice man? You feel this is different, but it really isnt. Everyone things their relationship is different and love will see you through it. He doesnt love you, not the way you deserve anyway. Love is not hitting its never hitting. Please dont get pregnant by this man, dont be tied to this man for the rest of your life and dont bring a child into such an ugly sordid household. Your children will fear their father. No, get out. Get your ducks in a row and leave, find your bloody rage. There are plenty of decent men out there and this guy isnt one of them. Dont allow your future children to ever say their mum was hit by their father. It will scar them. You deserve better, dont accept this as you dont have to.

CountFucula · 08/06/2024 15:32

Exactlab · 08/06/2024 15:21

Why would the OP expect them to check on her?
The only person who can help herself is her.

Common humanity? I wouldn’t sit by and listen as a friend abused their partner. But then I don’t hang out with psychos so…

charlieinthehaystack · 08/06/2024 15:36

He is trying to be macho in front of his friends and acting like an idiot. what on earth are his friends stopping for seems like all he wants to do is act like a single bloke drinking playing cards etc. you don't need to try for a baby he is acting like one big baby. he is rude abusive selfish and not worth wasting your life on.

IdaPolly · 08/06/2024 15:36

Please don't bring a child into this. Physical abuse tends to get worse when the woman is pregnant and its not fair on a child to knowingly bring them into a family where one of the parents hits the other (and probably them too)

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 08/06/2024 15:38

LEAVE TODAY!

Angryapricot · 08/06/2024 15:49

Please leave, I've lived this story, had a baby with him and left two weeks later after he attacked me whilst I was holding the baby. They don't change and a baby doesn't change them. I promise any fear of change and leaving will vanish when you realise how life doesn't have to be like that with a partner x

Deadringer · 08/06/2024 15:53

Jesus Christ leave this shitbag of a man and never look back. Why on earth would you choose a man like this to have a child with? Run

Bearpawk · 08/06/2024 15:55

And you're trying to have a baby with a man who physically assaults you?

ferntwist · 08/06/2024 15:58

Joining all the voices saying please leave. He’ll only get worse and you and your child will be in danger. Please don’t throw your life away

BodyKeepingScore · 08/06/2024 16:12

If he had "temper issues" he'd be hitting men his own size as well when he "lost it". The fact that he doesn't do that shows he doesn't have temper issues, he's simply a violent bully and you need to leave him.

unsync · 08/06/2024 16:40

Leave now. Do not give him the opportunity to do it again. This is who he is.

Fortunately, you have not yet had a child with this abusive man. They abuse you, and then they beg forgiveness and are nice and loving, until the next time. It is a cycle, and it usually escalates each time. Do not engage, you need to go. If you feel you are in danger, you call 999.

Lunamolly3 · 08/06/2024 16:57

Do you have a friend or close family member you can confide in? You need to tell someone. They will help you to leave when he is full of apologies.

Lila878 · 08/06/2024 16:59

Please leave. You deserve so much more than this.
work on your self worth, realise you are number one and then you can find someone who treats you right. X

Boomer55 · 08/06/2024 17:06

Why on earth would you want to have children with a man that hits you?

Find your self respect and sense of self worth - and get away from this relationship.

beergiggles · 08/06/2024 17:11

OP, please listen to the advice on here💐

Pumpkinpie1 · 08/06/2024 17:20

You need to talk to someone
His behaviour will only get worse

Scrollbreadroll · 08/06/2024 17:25

Do NOT bring a baby into this. I have sympathy for you and you know you need to leave him but it’s awful on your part that you are even considering a baby in these circumstances. He’s hit you more than once; he’s an abusive, disgusting man so, until you leave him, you need to make sure you do not get pregnant by him.

Redruby2020 · 08/06/2024 17:35

Hi Op sorry you don't normally live a happy life with this guy.
He has done this before and there may be other things too.
And knows he can get away with it.
Do not have a baby with this guy.
Your next steps need to be as hard as it is I know, and others have felt the same.
Is if anything further happens you get yourself to safety and you call the police.
In the interim you need to get advice and support from Women's Aid about this.

So he told you to get out of his house? So what is the situation with the house who owns it, whose names are down on any paperwork? Or do you rent.

Do you know, I know a lady whose 'partner' for want of other words lol. Moved himself in with her at a very bad time that she was through, I think she was flattered too.
Anyway jumping forward to today, he still lives there, and is thankfully not on the tenancy, obviously pays rent but not what he should.
And yet lol he has turned around and talked about 'people can get out of here' in terms I think both her and her grown up kids. Think over 18.
The cheek of some of these men is astonishing!!

Wishing you luck to get this sorted out and away from this man as soon as possible!!

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