So upset after being hit by partner

[Rach151]

Most of the time I live a happy normal life with my partner, we are currently trying ttc with no success yet. For the past week he has had some friends over to stay from away and I notice that he becomes a lad and plays up infront of them, trying to be funny all the time etc and being quite rude towards me although he thinks it's funny and I dont. I said I dont think it's funny i get replied with I have no sense of humor and I am too quiet. We have been bickering the whole week. Last night he got angry with me again behind his friends knowing he was screaming at me to get out of his house. I ran to collect some of my things he then got in my face telling me I cant go yet as his frineds will see, pushed him back slightly as was in my space he then hit me across the face to which I just screamed and cried so loud. His friends would of heard this. I then ran to my room for the rest of the night. The rest of the night I heard his friends laughing etc as they carried on there card game etc. Not one person came to see if I was ok. Later that night my partner came to bed and apologised for hitting me and again this morning he was trying to cuddle me and made me a tea. I feel so upset. He has hit me previously when angry and I know it's wrong but then he apologizes and he has temper issues but just with me it seems. I love him as we get on well when we do. Feeling so confused and upset.

You can not stay, you and any child you have are in mortal danger, just even knowing he has the potential to hit you will forever have you on the back foot (the only place he finds you acceptable). You need to understand that him hitting you means he believes he is entitled to hit you and that will never change no matter what he says the morning after. The usual pattern is escalation, especially during pregnancy and with young kids and that he wouldn't let you leave because of how it reflected on him shows you are just a cipher for his self image, not a person in your own right. Leave leave leave leave

What are you confused about? There is no confusion - you need to stop TTC and leave him. You're not married and he's violent and sounds like an absolute dick. Why are you even trying to TTC with this man. Get out now.

Op, you need to leave. This will not get better this man is abusing you and abuse usually gets much worse during pregnancy.

Do you want your child to grow up thinking that it's normal for their mother to be undermined, belittled, screamed at and hit? Do you want them to grow up thinking that's how they should treat a partner or be treated by a partner?

You leave now, you get support from womens aid and you cut this guy out of your life and find someone who treats you the way you deserve.

Domestic abuse isn't an anger issue. It's a control issue. He didn't hit you because he'd lost his temper, he hit you because he wanted to control you and how you acted in front of his mates. He hit you because he wanted to. Because he felt that was acceptable and because he knows that there's no consequence to it because you stay.

The ONLY course of action here is to leave and block him and cut him out completely.

Look up the cycle of violence on the women's aid website. The apologising and promises to come are just part of him gaslighting you and excusing himself and manipulating you. He's not sorry, he doesn't think he's done anything wrong. He's saying what he needs to to keep you where he wants you. If he was actually sorry he'd probably break up with you and put himself in therapy. But he's not going to do that because right now this serves him.

I love him as we get on well when we do

There's a comparison often used on here, OP - you have a lovely cup of tea (or drink of your choice). The best cup of tea you have ever tasted in your life - except it has shit stirred into it. Still want to drink it? still think it's the best cup of tea ever? no, it isn't. You'd chuck it away.

Same with this. Of course he's nice to you sometimes (that's the lovely tea). It keeps you with him and hoping he'll change. The hitting you is the shit.

And it'll ramp up. It won't be every so often. It'll be because dinner wasn't ready. Or the baby cried. Or you looked at that bloke in the supermarket. Or just because he feels like it.

Listen to the posters on here. They have been there, many of them. Love doesn't matter because you might love him but he sure as hell doesn't love you. And love's not going to save you when he decides to hit you again.

It’s good that you posted here, it means you know this is wrong and you want to hear the help. But it is hard to do something about it in real life. I didn’t leave an abusive relationship when I was young and I wasted seven years of my life. I look back now and wonder what the hell I was doing, but I was insecure and scared of leaving a relationship, any relationship, to be on my own. It would have been much better if I had. Now I am happily married and our son is doing his A levels. Which future do you want?

Find people who will support you. Lean on your best friend or your work if they will help. Contact support services if necessary. But get out. Everyone here is right - this will get worse. You do not want this. Leave now.

As someone who has a child with an abusive man, don't go there.
Do not have children with him, if not for you then for them.

So sorry this has happened op. You say not one person came to see if you were OK but your biggest advocate should always be yourself. What are you doing to care for yourself and make sure you are safe? Please leave.

Oh OP, this is so far from normal.
What was your upbringing like, what was your parents relationship like?
It's not right to try and have a baby with someone whose been hitting you, sweetheart, how would you feel if that baby grew up seeing him hit you and thought it was normal? You'd be devastated and blame yourself. There are billions of other men on the planet, you don't need to be with one who hits you.

He has hit me previously when angry

Yet you are trying to have a child with this man?

OP: go back on the pill, get a coil, use condoms and don't have sex with this guy (just to be sure)

And leave. Leave now. Don't look back, don't tell him in advance - get your stuff together and then go. Block him on all social media phone etc, and be sure never ever to listen to him bleating on about how he loves you, it won't happen again etc. You must know that once you are trapped (pregnant, baby, not working etc) that it will be harder.

But in general i do wonder: why do we see so many of these posts? is nobody teaching women what to do in these circs? How can we teach women/girls?

You know abuse ramps up in pregnancy right?

Just leave. If you have a baby with him then the future is on you, he's shown you who he is.

Leave him. Do not have a baby with him. He has hit you at least twice now and will do it again. You are worth more.

He’s a criminal, and a violent one. You should report him to the police and leave.

Please leave this domestic abuser. Your relationship is toxic, do NOT bring a child into this

Go, leave do not have a baby with him and report him to police

Please leave, OP. This is already the second time and as time goes on, his inhibition to hit you will be less and less. It is very unfair bringing a child in this kind of relationship, especially when you already know it. Please reach out to charities to talk to someone and get advice on the best course of action.

It is very common for the recipient end of domestic violence to be love bombed after violent incident. Please don't get swayed. There are many good men in this world and you (and your future planned child) deserve someone better.

Don't stay with someone who hits you. You say you love him, he doesn't love you if he hits you.

It will only get worse. You will get more and more afraid of making him angry.

The men who kill their partners all start with one hit.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none so your relationship with this man is well and truly over.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.

Abusers are not nasty all the time because if they were, no one would want to be with them. Stop the trying to conceive with him, do not bring a child into this abusive relationship.

Your boundaries here, perhaps already skewed by previous abuse, are being further eroded by this man now.

The nice/nasty cycle of abuse he is showing you is a continuous one. He stays nice just long enough to keep you hooked.

Where are your parents here, how supportive are they?.

Please leave immediately. Do NOT have a baby with this man.

Pregnancy brings more stress and he will hit you again.. what if he harmed your baby? You probably think he wouldn’t do that, but I don’t suppose you thought he would hit you again did you otherwise you wouldnt have stayed? You don’t want your children being brought up in a violent home do you?

Please leave. There is no need to be confused just leave. You may love him but he doesnt love you if he hits you…

The day you leave will be the first day of the rest of your life and the best decision you’ll ever make!

Get back on the pill. Do NOT even think about having a baby with this person (I can't call him a man as he isn't one). Your life would be absolute hell if you got pregnant. Get him out or leave.

“But in general i do wonder: why do we see so many of these posts? is nobody teaching women what to do in these circs? How can we teach women/girls?”

She knows deep down. But the care she has for him means that she sees the nice bits of him (instead of the ugly abuser) and thinks that she can fix him so that he’ll be ‘nice’ all the time and they’ll live happily ever after. That delusion is powerful and has probably been modelled for her as a child.

He wants a single life with his mates, and you for sex and his washing. He has no respect for you. Make sure you have bulletproof contraception. Do not have a baby with him - he'll get worse because you "tied him down".
Please leave. Block him. You deserve so much better.

What do you love about a man that hits you and laughs at you?

Report him for assault and tell the police there was a group of witnesses who heard. At least one of them might have a conscience and back you up.
Then leave and never consider going back.

OP this is absolutely horrific and inexcusable. He does not love or respect you, I’m so sorry.

You must leave him and if you have the strength, report to the police: he will do this and worse to other women if allowed to get away with it.

Abuse often starts or increases when women are pregnant (and feel trapped). Do not have a baby with this man.

Take your time but focus on the practicalities: where can you live, how will you arrange it. It will be awful for a time, but you will be so much happier in future when you’re free of this abusive, violent man.

You’ll meet someone in future who will care for and respect you, and you’ll never have to feel like this again. And it might all happen sooner than you think! The sooner you start the sooner you get there.