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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So upset after being hit by partner

169 replies

Rach151 · 08/06/2024 09:09

Most of the time I live a happy normal life with my partner, we are currently trying ttc with no success yet. For the past week he has had some friends over to stay from away and I notice that he becomes a lad and plays up infront of them, trying to be funny all the time etc and being quite rude towards me although he thinks it's funny and I dont. I said I dont think it's funny i get replied with I have no sense of humor and I am too quiet. We have been bickering the whole week. Last night he got angry with me again behind his friends knowing he was screaming at me to get out of his house. I ran to collect some of my things he then got in my face telling me I cant go yet as his frineds will see, pushed him back slightly as was in my space he then hit me across the face to which I just screamed and cried so loud. His friends would of heard this. I then ran to my room for the rest of the night. The rest of the night I heard his friends laughing etc as they carried on there card game etc. Not one person came to see if I was ok. Later that night my partner came to bed and apologised for hitting me and again this morning he was trying to cuddle me and made me a tea. I feel so upset. He has hit me previously when angry and I know it's wrong but then he apologizes and he has temper issues but just with me it seems. I love him as we get on well when we do. Feeling so confused and upset.

OP posts:
millymoo1202 · 08/06/2024 12:33

Leave

Cupcake333333 · 08/06/2024 12:38

nobeans · 08/06/2024 09:11

Not one person came to see if I was ok. not on them. They probably didn't know what to do.

Actually if they heard what happened then it is on all of them too. Don't turn a blind eye to abuse. Out of the whole post I can't understand why you took the time to point out this one thing when op has told you her partner hit her.

Treelichen · 08/06/2024 12:41

Leave him now. This is an abusive relationship that will only get worse.

nobeans · 08/06/2024 12:41

Cupcake333333 · 08/06/2024 12:38

Actually if they heard what happened then it is on all of them too. Don't turn a blind eye to abuse. Out of the whole post I can't understand why you took the time to point out this one thing when op has told you her partner hit her.

Edited

Because its muddying the waters for her. They didn't react so she thinks it must be acceptable or they would have reacted.

TwigTheWonderKid · 08/06/2024 12:43

OP this is not how people who love and respect their partner behave towards them. This is not normal or acceptable.

Domestic violence often ramps up when a woman becomes pregnant or has the baby. Please don't bring a child into this situation. You both deserve better.

scotstars · 08/06/2024 12:59

He has hit you and you haven't left before therefore he thinks he can get round you as usual by being nice after to make it up to you. Classic abusive and manipulative behaviour please leave while you still can.
Oh and if you think a baby will make him stop it won't. Please don't even consider this.

LaceyLou82 · 08/06/2024 13:02

Oh @Rach151 do you have any support in real life? What about your mum, sister, aunt, good friend?

I’m so glad you’ve posted on here, you know this is so very wrong what he’s done to you and what he’s done in the past.

I’ve not read the full thread but it’s quite an escalation doing it in front of his friends, who knows what he could do next. He obviously feels he has a lot of power.

You need to take that power back, for yourself. He should not hit you. You know that. Don’t have a baby with him, what he if got bad tempered and hit the baby?

Please leave and call the police.

1983Louise · 08/06/2024 13:10

Well that final slap should have given your head a wobble. Leave now and don't look back, you must be crazy to want a baby with this man. His mates sound dreadful as well, you are worth so much more than this man.

countrysidelife2024 · 08/06/2024 13:11

Hit you before but your trying to bring a baby into this mess. yeah ok.

whyhavetheygotsomany · 08/06/2024 13:12

Do not get pregnant It will ramp up if you have a child. He is an abuser and you need to leave him. You are in danger.

Cooper77 · 08/06/2024 13:13

BeaFuddled · 08/06/2024 09:13

He'll hit you again and again. In front of any kids you might have - imagine the effect that'll have on them.

He'll hit them too.

Yes. If he has done it once, he’ll do it again. He’ll apologise, swear he didn’t mean to, etc, and probably mean it. Many abusive men genuinely feel guilty and ashamed for what they did. But six months later, when he’s had a bad day at work, and you’re in a bad mood too, things will kick off all over again. Just wait until there is a baby screaming the house down, everywhere smells of poo and nappies, and neither of you have had any sleep.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 08/06/2024 13:14

@Rach151 are you for real??? why would you give him the chance to do this a second time, far less a third???? you should have just left immediately and gone to police station!!! get out of there now and let him find someone else to be his punch bag before you become another statistic!!

Snappers3 · 08/06/2024 13:15

You are a very very foolish woman to be trying to have a baby with a violent man.
What a pity you didn't call the police when he assaulted you.
What similar scum he associates with that they would have heard what happened but chose to ignore it.
This situation will only get worse.
It would be so selfish to inflict this awful man on a child.
Do not do it.
You need to leave him.
You can still report his assault of you today.

Regalhen · 08/06/2024 13:16

Please leave. Someone close to me married and had a baby with a man like this. Of course he hit her just after she had given birth, then again when the baby cried and he thought she wasn't pulling her weight.

She had postpartum depression. Perhaps because he was hitting her and telling her she was worthless. She got free eventually and is the main carer; but he continually uses her mental health against her, reports her to social services and schools (he can come across as reasonable to professionals) and tells her child that she is 'mental', a bad parent and unfit to be a parent.

Every parenting decision she makes; he breaks - limits on sweets and screentimes at hers - none at his house! Internet filters at her house - the child can watch porn at his house! Her son idolises his father and wants to live with him

Although she left him; she will never be free. Don't be her

Windymoore · 08/06/2024 13:19

Rach151 · 08/06/2024 09:09

Most of the time I live a happy normal life with my partner, we are currently trying ttc with no success yet. For the past week he has had some friends over to stay from away and I notice that he becomes a lad and plays up infront of them, trying to be funny all the time etc and being quite rude towards me although he thinks it's funny and I dont. I said I dont think it's funny i get replied with I have no sense of humor and I am too quiet. We have been bickering the whole week. Last night he got angry with me again behind his friends knowing he was screaming at me to get out of his house. I ran to collect some of my things he then got in my face telling me I cant go yet as his frineds will see, pushed him back slightly as was in my space he then hit me across the face to which I just screamed and cried so loud. His friends would of heard this. I then ran to my room for the rest of the night. The rest of the night I heard his friends laughing etc as they carried on there card game etc. Not one person came to see if I was ok. Later that night my partner came to bed and apologised for hitting me and again this morning he was trying to cuddle me and made me a tea. I feel so upset. He has hit me previously when angry and I know it's wrong but then he apologizes and he has temper issues but just with me it seems. I love him as we get on well when we do. Feeling so confused and upset.

He's hit you before,and you are TTC?????? Christs sake!!!! Leave,and work on yourself so you realise you deserve better!!!!

Ifyoucouldreadmymindlove · 08/06/2024 13:21

I am begging you to leave and I am really begging you to stop trying to conceive a child with this despicable criminal.

Nanny0gg · 08/06/2024 13:31

If he's hit you before then your life isn't 'normal'. You're being abused

Why are you considering bringing a baby into that? Don't.

Do you have family or friends you can speak/go to?

Sameturd · 08/06/2024 13:35

Rach151 · 08/06/2024 09:09

Most of the time I live a happy normal life with my partner, we are currently trying ttc with no success yet. For the past week he has had some friends over to stay from away and I notice that he becomes a lad and plays up infront of them, trying to be funny all the time etc and being quite rude towards me although he thinks it's funny and I dont. I said I dont think it's funny i get replied with I have no sense of humor and I am too quiet. We have been bickering the whole week. Last night he got angry with me again behind his friends knowing he was screaming at me to get out of his house. I ran to collect some of my things he then got in my face telling me I cant go yet as his frineds will see, pushed him back slightly as was in my space he then hit me across the face to which I just screamed and cried so loud. His friends would of heard this. I then ran to my room for the rest of the night. The rest of the night I heard his friends laughing etc as they carried on there card game etc. Not one person came to see if I was ok. Later that night my partner came to bed and apologised for hitting me and again this morning he was trying to cuddle me and made me a tea. I feel so upset. He has hit me previously when angry and I know it's wrong but then he apologizes and he has temper issues but just with me it seems. I love him as we get on well when we do. Feeling so confused and upset.

@Rach151

Trying for a baby is his way of trapping you. Having a baby will fix things give you a little person to love and baby will love you back . But its actually a trap to keep you where you are . If you had baby with him the abuse would get worse it's pretty common for that to happen especially in an already abusive relationship. It gets worse.

People are right you do need to leave or get him to leave if you safely can .

We don't know if you own the house. Or if you rent. Social tenant etc. But either way you can contact womans aid who can help you find a safe place to go. Once you're in that safe place you can then sort out what will happen with the house.

First thing is to get you safe.

You will have a baby one day just not with him.

Neolara · 08/06/2024 13:40

DO NOT have a baby with this man.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 08/06/2024 13:44

Nothing to be confused about. He’s violent.

isthewashingdryyet · 08/06/2024 13:44

Five pages and not one poster has said, ah bless him, sure he didn’t mean it. Give him a chance

this is a unanimous Leave The Bastard today, before he really hurts you and before you are tied to him for life with a shared child

gimmegimmegimmeagin · 08/06/2024 13:47

If you had a daughter, what would you tell her to do???
Exactly. Leave.

Littlelatte90 · 08/06/2024 13:56

Leave!!! Do not have a baby with this man.

TeaGinandFags · 08/06/2024 14:43

They did an experiment on dogs.

Some puppies were treated continuously well and grew up fine.

Some were treated continuously badly and grew up fine.

Some were sometimes treated well and sometimes treated badly. They grew up fucked.

The third one is what he's doing to you so he's messing with your head. Get the fuck out of there, like yesterday.

TeaGinandFags · 08/06/2024 14:50

If you're not getting the message this man is a bully who not only enjoys intimidating you but he relishes the prospect of managing you and controlling every teeny tiny aspect of your life.

It sounds like it's working.

GET THE FUCK OUT.

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