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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So upset after being hit by partner

169 replies

Rach151 · 08/06/2024 09:09

Most of the time I live a happy normal life with my partner, we are currently trying ttc with no success yet. For the past week he has had some friends over to stay from away and I notice that he becomes a lad and plays up infront of them, trying to be funny all the time etc and being quite rude towards me although he thinks it's funny and I dont. I said I dont think it's funny i get replied with I have no sense of humor and I am too quiet. We have been bickering the whole week. Last night he got angry with me again behind his friends knowing he was screaming at me to get out of his house. I ran to collect some of my things he then got in my face telling me I cant go yet as his frineds will see, pushed him back slightly as was in my space he then hit me across the face to which I just screamed and cried so loud. His friends would of heard this. I then ran to my room for the rest of the night. The rest of the night I heard his friends laughing etc as they carried on there card game etc. Not one person came to see if I was ok. Later that night my partner came to bed and apologised for hitting me and again this morning he was trying to cuddle me and made me a tea. I feel so upset. He has hit me previously when angry and I know it's wrong but then he apologizes and he has temper issues but just with me it seems. I love him as we get on well when we do. Feeling so confused and upset.

OP posts:
Flipzandchipz · 08/06/2024 10:31

OP he is an abusive cowardly prick. No matter how nice he can be, he has shown you who he is. Please contact women’s aid for some support. I’m sorry this has happened to you

Itiswhysofew · 08/06/2024 10:33

He hits you when he's angry and that will never change, I'm afraid. He uses you as his punch bag and probably despises you. He has no respect for you and having children with him will make you more vulnerable.

Leave this nasty person and have a good life on your own or with good man.

What will you do today?Flowers

Craftycorvid · 08/06/2024 10:36

Leave him. Leave him. Leave him. Don’t stop to look back. Don’t have a baby with him. Do the Freedom Programme. You deserve so much better. Judge him not only by his actions but the creeps he hangs around with.

FuckTheClubUp · 08/06/2024 10:40

You need to leave and DO NOT have a baby with this man.

I’m sure you know you shouldn’t have pushed him but he shouldn’t have been in your space to begin with! He certainly shouldn’t have hit you, what sort of reaction is that? It’s interesting that you say he turns into a different person when his friends are around, maybe that’s the person that he really is. Who knows and who cares? You need to leave.

Statistics show that many men become even more abusive after women have a baby as they feel that they’ve trapped them. Do not be trapped by this horrible man who’s already shown how abusive he is. Don’t try and justify this as a one off and find ways to ‘forgive him.’ I can’t stress this enough - get out now

Newestname002 · 08/06/2024 10:42

@Rach151

This man, who's supposed to love you enough to want a child with you, has violently raised his hand to you more than once. Once would have been enough to show you who he really can be.

Please, please work out where you can go and stay with friends, or family, pack a couple of bags and leave, taking your own personal, important, legal documents (eg passport, birth certificate) which it would be difficult to replace and give yourself some breathing and thinking space where nobody is going to verbally or physically assault you.

Is he due to be out any time this weekend - it would make it easier for you if he's out.

If you have a joint bank account with him, transfer 50% of the funds into an account he has no access to (or open one online, it's easy to do) and ensure your salary goes into the new account so you can financially support yourself. Don't tell him you're doing this as he doesn't sound as though he'll take it well. He's already shown you his character so keep yourself safe. 🌹

Scoobydoobywho · 08/06/2024 10:44

Your partner has hit you multiple times and you are trying for a baby. What are you thinking, stop TTC and get out of the relationship. If you really think bringing a child in to this you really aren't thinking straight.

Itsallgood57 · 08/06/2024 10:45

He has zero respect for you it won’t change only get worse …how do I know been there..get out now keep your self respect you can do better honestly get out bin his sorry arse

BCBird · 08/06/2024 10:46

This is awful
He is not worthy of a relationship with you or anyone. He has done it before u say. If you stay it will not stop. It will get worse.

TusconTrain · 08/06/2024 11:03

I love him as we get on well when we do.

A healthy relationship is not one where your partner "only" hits you when you're not "getting on well". A healthy relationship is one where your partner NEVER hits you.

This man has hit you more than once. He is not sorry, and he will continue to hit you if you stay with him. Leave, and whatever you do, please do not bring innocent children into this abusive situation. Either they will know he hits you (even if they don't see it happen) or he will escalate so far he will hit them. Abuse never gets better and it never stays the same. It always gets worse. Get out now.

Thelnebriati · 08/06/2024 11:05

OP you are going to think I am overreacting but you can fact check this for yourself - men who use you to save face in front of their friends are dangerous; because they feel like they have so much to lose when you don't act the way they want.

Make a plan and leave as soon as you can, and don't tell him you are moving somewhere you feel safe. Just get out.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 08/06/2024 11:53

He does not respect you. The abuse will continue. If you have a child with him, it will escalate. These are not maybes, they are definite things which will happen. The 'HIM' you think you love is a false front = the one that hits and disrespects and abuses you is the real him.

CountFucula · 08/06/2024 11:57

This is harsh but the baby you have together will have a shit life - ruined from day one because you only get one childhood and theirs will be with a violent bully. Their lives will be absolutely blighted by this and that is the truth however you dress it up. To know that before conception is A GIFT. He is not the one OP, he’s a walking, talking warning from your future. Don’t waste your chance to have a good life and not a hard and nasty one filled with aggression, male violence and toxicity.

BusyMummy001 · 08/06/2024 12:05

You need to leave. Today.

NewKnickersNewName · 08/06/2024 12:08

Do you think he will calm down when there is a baby that won't stop crying Or a toddler whose default response is NO!
Give it up and manage your retreat now. Morning After pill if there is any chance of insemination.
You do not want to involve him in anything more.

flagstones2024 · 08/06/2024 12:09

You have a choice here and it is a pivotal one for your life. Leave. Don't have a baby with him. It will be hard but you will rebuild your life. You are not able to be objective about this so rely on all the advice out there and leave. If you make the wrong choice it will be to the detriment of the rest of your life. Be as strong as you can, ignore the "what if" thoughts and walk away so you have a chance of a happier life (for you and any children you have in the future). Break the cycle.

pikkumyy77 · 08/06/2024 12:09

Leave. Now.

Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 08/06/2024 12:14

Believe when I say once you have a child it gets worse. He will be tired and grumpy. Even the most calmest of people are pushed to limits when there is a screaming tired baby in the house.
Many years ago a very special person sent me the below poem. I laughed it off and said 'oh it isn't that bad' its just the odd hit. 4 years later my daughter walked in whilst he was jumping on my ribs. It started from the occasional hit. Yeah you love him but it is more important to love yourself more!

He gave me flowers
• 
I got flowers today. It wasn't my birthday or any other special day.We had our first argument last night and he said a lot of cruel thingsthat really hurt me. I know that he is sorry and didn't mean to say thethings he said - because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.Last night he threw me into a wall and then started to choke me.It seemed like a nightmare but you wake up from nightmares to findthat they aren't real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.I know he must be sorry - because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. And it wasn't Valentines Day or any other specialday. Last night he beat me and threatened to kill me.Makeup and long sleeves didn't hide the cuts and bruises this time.I couldn't go to work because I didn't want anyone to knowBut I know he is sorry - because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today and it wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day.Last night he beat me again and it was much worse than all the othertimes. If I leave him what will I do? How will I take care of the kids?What about money? I'm afraid of him and too scared to leave him!But he must be sorry - because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. Today was a very special day.It was the day of my funeral.Last night he finally killed me. I was beaten to death.If only I would have gathered enough courage and strength to leave him. So I got flowers today - for the very last time.
Author unknown

Getonwitit · 08/06/2024 12:17

And when he loses his temper with your child and smacks it across the face will you then leave him ? Don't bring a baby into this chaos.

Nicole1111 · 08/06/2024 12:20

Run. Domestic abuse only gets worse, and research indicates that that pregnancy and having a baby significantly increase the risks. The impact of kids growing up with domestic abuse is significant and often life long. It’s not fair to bring a baby in to this environment and to cause that damage on them. Sadly the risks also increase when trying to leave so you need to be careful with your exit plan. I’m presuming you don’t live together so that will help to separate. You need to google the name of your county and domestic abuse charity and find a local one that can offer face to face support, sign up for the freedom programme online, report this to the police, tell your friends and family what is happening, change your number and get a ring doorbell.

RadRad · 08/06/2024 12:23

Leave today, this is not love. Seek therapy and move on, you deserve so so much better.
However, if you decide against your wellbeing that you will tolerate this shite for “love”, do not bring a child into this, it wouldn’t be fair on them as they wouldn’t have asked to be born into this, it will be on you as you are going into this with your eyes wide open. Please leave.

AtrociousCircumstance · 08/06/2024 12:23

Leave him NOW.

Don't bring a child into this shitshow. End this toxic mess immediately. Do you have family or friends you could go to?

Calling the police and reporting him is imortant but most important is getting out @Rach151

Good luck and run far and fast x

redskydarknight · 08/06/2024 12:25

NoSnowdrop · 08/06/2024 10:18

If that’s the case his mates are cowardly and stupid and likely abusive arseholes too. I suppose you can tell a lot about someone by the company they keep.

the twat boyfriend only bothered about how things look in front of his pathetic bunch of cowardly mates too, FFS.

I think it's more likely that they might have asked if OP was ok and OP's partner made up a story perhaps along the lines of she'd accidentally walked into a door, stubbed her toe badly and it had really hurt for a moment or two but she was fine now. I wouldn't think to question that in someone else's house with no reason to suspect there was anything abusive in the relationship (which these friends wouldn't as they are not normally about).

ShorterWorkingYear · 08/06/2024 12:28

Pack up and leave, block him, never go back

AgreeableDragon · 08/06/2024 12:30

No, no, no, no no!!!
Just NO!
PLEASE, PLEASE leave him.

BeaRF75 · 08/06/2024 12:31

Do NOT have a baby.
Confide in good friends or family.
Consult a domestic violence charity or helpline.
Make plans to leave him.
Never go back.

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