Split with DH recently. Help!

[CarterOL]

Hi I was hoping for some sound advice?

I split with DH of 8 years 11 days ango and I’m not sure if I made the right decision. It is driving me crazy and I can’t stop crying when I’m alone.

We have been having difficulty for a year. He was diagnosed with a health condition due to an accident at work which really made him low, put on weight and the like. His mother had died a 3 years ago which he ever got over. He would get depressed easy and had a terrible outlook on life. Sometimes he would be happy, other times sad.

I myself have recently been diagnosed with endometriosis and have been finding my love of life has vanished. I’ve lost all sex drive, and stopped being overly sexual with him. It’s very hard when I’m in constant pain. He tried his best to be understanding but I knew I was letting him down.

So naturally for the last year or so we bickered. We had big fights, small fights. Never violence, he never once hurt me nor I him.

11 days ago we had another fight. He said something stupid, I got sad. He snapped, I snapped. He left the house to calm down and then when he came back tried to apologise. Now my sister had come to see me randomly and was there. She told me to get rid of him because he was making me unhappy.

DH came home. I told him it was over. He got his things and I let him leave. He messaged me a lot at first that he loved me, he was sorry, he wanted to try talking and coming back but I didn’t let him. I ignored his cries and let him sleep on the street in the rain. It got to a point he wanted to kill himself but made no actual attempt.

He has been living rough for nearly the entire time, but I haven’t let him back into the home despite. We have a mortgage together and he could come asking but as yet he has not. He is trying to protect DD but has stopped paying some bills.

I’m scared I made the wrong decision. Because I was unhappy with how he made me feel but I never sat down and discussed this with him. People keep saying either if you are not happy it’s right but also he was a good man and I never just talked to him about thing. We just bickered over small thing that would escalate into bigger fights.

I know he would take me back but I let him sleep outside. Could it ever be normal between us? My family keep telling me to be alone and I don’t want to go against them.

But he is the father to my DD and I miss him so.

What should I do?

You have legal professionals rubbing their hands with glee at how gullible you are. That's all.

Call a not for profit organisation and see what they say. If you can manage to tell them the truth.

My wife is a solicitor. Trust me that you are not legally locked into anything. That is a lie that you are telling yourself to assuage your guilt. Good solicitors will always push for conciliation before they push for divorce. It's pretty much a given. Solicitors of themselves have zero power. Email her back and ask her to leave it for now and then let's find your husband. I'm almost daring you to as I know you won't.

In fact my wife has offered to speak to your solicitor on your behalf. Can't say fairer than that. And she'll do it for free.

That's an amazing offer from @weathervane1's wife, @CarterOL. You'll do it, yes? So you can get legal clarity?

Or shall we just wait for more excuses?

You're not legally locked into anything because you haven't done anything legally. Your solicitor sent an email outlining terms that aren't legally enforceable at all. You can do whatever you want here, you're an adult, not a helpless child.

I appreciate the offer, I do. I do think it could be what was mentioned above with just them seeing me coming and telling me what they need to say to get me to do what’s best for them.

it’s just a mess that even if j get rid of my family and any legal help I’m still stuck with the problem at hand. My husband that I asked to leave and is not well, had no home.

and whisk you may think the solution would be to just bring him back and carry on it really is not so simple and is a mental challenge for all of us.

@CarterOL so stop talking shit saying oh my solicitor said, oh the email said. You've been told there someone will speak to your solicitor now your changing your tune. Your a fucking idiot.

If i send this person email that was sent blocking out names and things and just ask them to look over it is that enough? It can then be looked over while still providing protection

I suspect your family really over egged the extent of his MH issues in order to get the solicitor to agree with them, too.

@CarterOL It is a mental challenge as you say. A much harder one for your husband though. If you love him, you'll find a way. I think we're all rather willing for you to grow a backbone. At the moment you seem to be an interesting distraction for your family to exercise abusive power. It's really not how marriage is supposed to work.

I can promise you it will be more of a mental challenge for your daughter if he dies or lives out his existence on the streets. I've seen it first hand, you are doing more harm than good. She will always ask herself why she wasn't good enough. And you could help to stop that now, even if you can't muster any sympathy for him.

@CarterOL You can either PM /DM me (I'm not sure of the difference) but I'm not allowed to give out an email address here. Given that you've already pasted bits of the letter here already, you might as well the whole hog and paste the lot. NOT that it makes any difference. This is not about the law. It's about doing the right thing for your husband and daughter. Don't you have a close friend who isn't part of the coven who are currently advising you? You might also consider speaking to the senior partner of the solicitor's practice - I can't believe that one of their staff members is emailing you the things that you say they are.

Yes, you can just redact the name and send them all the correspondence from your lawyer for them to read and assess.

IF any of this is true, I wouldn't be surprised if her parents have made up messages and conversations with him in the last week to bolster their case. I bet you any money they've told her solicitor they've seen him and spoken to him.

They’re messing with a man’s life for their own benefit. And not just any man, their grandchild’s father. I hope they can live with themselves.

@weathervane1 your wife has made a really generous offer, surely this is best all round @CarterOL ?

IF this is true, then I think, sadly, they could very easily live with themselves.

I’m in contact with weathervane and just trying to think the best way I do this. Give me time I’m thinking of the best way for privacy.

But I assure you I am real, my name is not not a troll, and this situation is fucked up but mostly for my own actions.

i see how it can be seen as abuse towards a poorly man. But nobody even battered an eye lid at this the whole time while I was talking with family, friends and professionals. Actually to be honest my best friend said “fuck him you are miserable he didn’t care about you when shouting at you who cares if he is sick he will find somewhere people separate every day”.

people are scared for him. I am too. I didn’t want this to be as big as it is. But I have been heartless and listened to others and see that. I am trying I am.

It sounds like you have some not very pleasant people in your life.

I suggest you look closely at your “friends and family”, they are nice people. Perhaps its time you start to distance yourself from them and make new friends!

And they’re right, people do separate all the time. And splits are often acrimonious. But rarely do people throw their child’s other parent on to the street with nowhere else to go without access to their work equipment and vital medication, then immediately see a solicitor to prevent them returning to their own home and to find a way to stop them getting their share of the marital assets so that they can house themselves adequately going forward. That’s a whole new level of vindictiveness.

Oops i meant they are not nice people! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Honestly, I think @CarterOL, her family and friends would rejoice if this poor man killed himself. She would get to play the loving and distressed widow. She's the victim again. She'd get all the assets and wouldn't have to share custody of the child. I feel like they are abusing him, fucking with him and pushing him on purpose. If he snaps they can say they aren't responsible for his actions. While, I normally say you aren't responsible for someone else's mental health in this case I think @CarterOL is responsible for exasperating his mental health problems.

I can't actually believe what I am reading here and really hope OP is a fake. In all the years on here I have never been so disgusted at the heartless actions and opinions of someone. Many years ago my partner suffered a breakdown and was suicidal, I sought medical help and stuck by him. THAT is what you do NOT throw a vulnerable person on the streets. Poor man. Do something now and redeem the situation, your family sound evil and you really need to be looking at the company you keep, if any harm comes to your DH your daughter will never forgive and you will have to live with yourself.