Split with DH recently. Help!

[CarterOL]

Hi I was hoping for some sound advice?

I split with DH of 8 years 11 days ango and I’m not sure if I made the right decision. It is driving me crazy and I can’t stop crying when I’m alone.

We have been having difficulty for a year. He was diagnosed with a health condition due to an accident at work which really made him low, put on weight and the like. His mother had died a 3 years ago which he ever got over. He would get depressed easy and had a terrible outlook on life. Sometimes he would be happy, other times sad.

I myself have recently been diagnosed with endometriosis and have been finding my love of life has vanished. I’ve lost all sex drive, and stopped being overly sexual with him. It’s very hard when I’m in constant pain. He tried his best to be understanding but I knew I was letting him down.

So naturally for the last year or so we bickered. We had big fights, small fights. Never violence, he never once hurt me nor I him.

11 days ago we had another fight. He said something stupid, I got sad. He snapped, I snapped. He left the house to calm down and then when he came back tried to apologise. Now my sister had come to see me randomly and was there. She told me to get rid of him because he was making me unhappy.

DH came home. I told him it was over. He got his things and I let him leave. He messaged me a lot at first that he loved me, he was sorry, he wanted to try talking and coming back but I didn’t let him. I ignored his cries and let him sleep on the street in the rain. It got to a point he wanted to kill himself but made no actual attempt.

He has been living rough for nearly the entire time, but I haven’t let him back into the home despite. We have a mortgage together and he could come asking but as yet he has not. He is trying to protect DD but has stopped paying some bills.

I’m scared I made the wrong decision. Because I was unhappy with how he made me feel but I never sat down and discussed this with him. People keep saying either if you are not happy it’s right but also he was a good man and I never just talked to him about thing. We just bickered over small thing that would escalate into bigger fights.

I know he would take me back but I let him sleep outside. Could it ever be normal between us? My family keep telling me to be alone and I don’t want to go against them.

But he is the father to my DD and I miss him so.

What should I do?

What’s it got to do with your parents?

They get no say in what happens to the house.

im a PA for a firm that I can’t say which. No I don’t have learning difficulties.

but I know this is a very complicated situation and that I haven’t made the case well.

no he was never violent or abusive but yes we did argue badly and sometimes in front of DD. he would shout at me when he did and sometimes it would be because of his depression or sometimes because of some silly reason that didn’t matter.

There very much is. Although at two weeks I can see why people would think it too soon. My parents paid for this and I went along with it.

Of course he’s going to feel close to breaking, he’s been chucked out his home, forced to live on the streets, been denied access to his daughter and his home. Been demonised by his wife to her solicitor who then sends him a threatening email. He has a chronic health condition, he suffers from depression and doesn’t have access to his medications and he’s dealing with grief after his mother died. Probably now lost his job….. no I can’t think why he’d be close to breaking and ending it all.

The house is a marital asset, even if he hadn’t paid a single penny towards it, it’s still joint property and no solicitor would tell you that just because he didn’t technically pay the mortgage payments out of his account he’s not entitled to his share of it.

Wow your poor husband 😢 your family sound more toxic than him! And you sound like an absolute walk over to let them dictate your life 🤦‍♀️ I’m so hoping he straighten’s himself out and comes back bigger and better. You need to hang your head in shame

It's not too soon at all. It's all the apparent Bullshit they've said that implies their is no solicitor because no decent solicitor would say that.

If all of this really is true then you're in for a rude awakening.

Stand on your own two feet you pathetic excuse of a woman relying on your mum and dad to fight your battles at god knows what age. You should be ashamed of yourself. I'm sure as your DD gets older she will also see right through you and your bullshit

Has he replied to your message this morning? Have you rung him? Do you know he is still alive? Contact the Police and report him missing if you haven’t heard from him. Hopefully they’ll find him and fill him on his actual rights and bring him home to his house.

You just don't get it do you? It's not up to you to decide whether he should get anything or be entitled to anything....IT IS THE LAW! He is entitled to HALF of the house, it's a marital asset. You are unhinged.

Something to bear in mind for the future, OP, when you are divorced and single again. If your parents have got rid of this husband, they'll do it again. You are giving them carte blanch to dictate who you are in a relationship with until their dying days, because you are letting them take control now.

I was going to but after speaking with my solicitor this morning I was advised to not contact him again and to make him contact through them instead which is mentioned in the text to him. I have yet to receive any indication from them that he has replied but will write here when he does.

Earlier you said you had messaged him this morning but he had yet to reply. You're getting tangled up in your own web of lies.

I did not message him this morning. Everybody dog piled me and I don’t want to seem heartless but it’s hard. Im trying to talk calmly but with so many attacking I can’t understand a lot of it and I’m panicking a bit.

i don’t feel I’ve made a mistake but what if I have!! I don’t know how to feel right now. Your all seem angry and it’s everybody so I clearly have messed up.

if I may ask truthfully… what is it I have done wrong, the biggest problem? I’m doing everything legally and trying to understand, it’s a hard process.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave. . .

Stop playing the victim. The fact you actually are not sure what you've done wrong shows you how toxic you really are

You're abusing him and using his own MH as a weapon against him. I hope he's been able to access 111 and get an emergency prescription.

1. Abused both your husband and your daughter by your actions
2. Thrown an ill and depressed man out to sleep on the street
3. Claiming the house is not half his despite THE LAW
4. Deprived a daughter of her father
5. Deprived a father of his daughter
6. Deprived a man of his medication
7. Deprived a man of his means of earning a living
8. Been a callous bitch who only cares about herself
9. Lied continuously on this thread
10. Seemingly trying to force a suicide

Do you want me to go on?

God where so we start?

You've thrown a non-abusive man out of his own home over a petty argument.

You've refused to allow him home even after hearing he was sleeping rough.

You seem to think you are more entitled to the martial home than he is.

You're already making plans to stop him seeing his child.

You are more concerned about falling out with your family than your DH potentially dying on the streets.

You've shown little concern for his wellbeing and are more concerned about yourself.

you threw him out. that's the biggest thing.

OP you are a liar.

1. Asking him to leave the house

2. Not allowing him back into the house - you are making him live on the street

3. Depriving him of his home, which is legally half his

4. Depriving him and your daughter of their relationship and from seeing each other

5)Making no effort to contact him to check in with him and that he’s still alive

6)Being aware he didn’t have his medication and not doing everything in your power to get it to him

7. Sending him an abusive letter from your solicitor

8. Allowing your family to have some kind of weird hold over you and dictate what happens in your relationship with your husband

9. Showing no compassion

10. Not understanding the law

11. Weirdly holding it against him that he left when you asked him to

12. That you seem cross that he hasn’t continued to beg you to come home, even though he did initially and you turned him down

13. You have driven him to want to end his own life

She's getting caught in her own lies. This is clearly made-up bollocks that people are responding to in good faith when it's a waste of their time. MN said they are giving OP the benefit of the doubt, but I'm out.

You've done nothing right legally. You've paid a solicitor to send your words. None of which will hold up. "But, your Honor, he shouted at me, was never violent, so I denied him access to his home, work and medication..."

You did say he's on medication, right? So he had to have sought help to have been prescribed anything. Yet another lie either way. Are you 12 and off school?

With home ownership, it is half his house. You can argue that black is white until you are blue in the face, and chuck any other colours you like into the mix, but that doesn't change the law.

I’m doing everything legally and trying to understand, it’s a hard process.

You haven't done anything legally. The law is very clear on what you can and can not do. There are actual legal processes to go through if you want to keep him out of his house. It is the same with stopping him from seeing his child. A letter from a solicitor means nothing. You may be able to physically stop him coming home or seeing his child, but it holds no weight in law, and you will be ordered to allow him in and have access to his child.

I promise you that while you may think what I’m saying isn’t true or even right that it is. It does look messy I can see this when reading back everything I’ve put here.

i can just say I’m sorry for making a mess of this and for not telling the full truth at times but I’m not sure what to put and when when there are so many people attacking