Split with DH recently. Help!

[CarterOL]

Hi I was hoping for some sound advice?

I split with DH of 8 years 11 days ango and I’m not sure if I made the right decision. It is driving me crazy and I can’t stop crying when I’m alone.

We have been having difficulty for a year. He was diagnosed with a health condition due to an accident at work which really made him low, put on weight and the like. His mother had died a 3 years ago which he ever got over. He would get depressed easy and had a terrible outlook on life. Sometimes he would be happy, other times sad.

I myself have recently been diagnosed with endometriosis and have been finding my love of life has vanished. I’ve lost all sex drive, and stopped being overly sexual with him. It’s very hard when I’m in constant pain. He tried his best to be understanding but I knew I was letting him down.

So naturally for the last year or so we bickered. We had big fights, small fights. Never violence, he never once hurt me nor I him.

11 days ago we had another fight. He said something stupid, I got sad. He snapped, I snapped. He left the house to calm down and then when he came back tried to apologise. Now my sister had come to see me randomly and was there. She told me to get rid of him because he was making me unhappy.

DH came home. I told him it was over. He got his things and I let him leave. He messaged me a lot at first that he loved me, he was sorry, he wanted to try talking and coming back but I didn’t let him. I ignored his cries and let him sleep on the street in the rain. It got to a point he wanted to kill himself but made no actual attempt.

He has been living rough for nearly the entire time, but I haven’t let him back into the home despite. We have a mortgage together and he could come asking but as yet he has not. He is trying to protect DD but has stopped paying some bills.

I’m scared I made the wrong decision. Because I was unhappy with how he made me feel but I never sat down and discussed this with him. People keep saying either if you are not happy it’s right but also he was a good man and I never just talked to him about thing. We just bickered over small thing that would escalate into bigger fights.

I know he would take me back but I let him sleep outside. Could it ever be normal between us? My family keep telling me to be alone and I don’t want to go against them.

But he is the father to my DD and I miss him so.

What should I do?

Wow what a nasty person you are. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for him to try and work with you around trying to disturb him.

You are incredibly self centred and it sounds like you’ve broken this poor man. I really hope he’s okay and receiving the help he needs due to your callousness.

You do realise that unless you can afford to buy him out your house is going to have to be sold and you will have to move. You have zero legal right to stay in the home after the divorce has been finalised unless you can afford to buy him out. Unfortunately he probably won’t be able to buy you out as because of you he’s probably lost his job.

Why will it destroy you? You take your share of the house and you buy or rent something you can afford. Like everyone else who goes through a divorce. Why do you think you should be different?

But why should he get anything at all? Why should he be entitled to anything? It’s my home too. I live here. And I have DD with me. Is that not more important?

He will get half of the house unless he kills himself. I dearly hope that's not your strategy. Keeping him out of the house solves nothing. Give him access to meds, food, a roof and his ability to earn and then divorce. You have no sole right to a jointly owned house.

No

Because it’s half his! Whatever you think about the situation, he is entitled to his share. No judge will order that you get it all. Both parties need to be able to house themselves.
Of course your DD is important. So you take your share and you buy or rent a property you can afford.
Why do you think he’s entitled to nothing?

If your parents want him out so desperately, maybe they can buy him out.

Ok, you've nuked the fridge.

@CarterOL did you really just say that????? You are absolutely delusional. Why should he be entitled to HALF OF WHAT IS HIS ???????? What the hell has your daughter got to do with what your husband owns ? Your an abuser and you don't even try hide it it's legit in plain sight for everyone to see.

Fuck me. This thread gets worse and worse. Your house is a marital asset. Your DH will likely be entitled to half of it. You can buy him out or you can sell the house and split the proceeds. As has already been explained many times on this thread.

Your DD has the right to a relationship with both her parents. A 50/50 split of residency may be in her best interests. Meaning she will be with her dad half the time.

That's the reality of divorce. Like it or lump it.

You do realise that if you are given the house, all the bills will be your responsibility to pay right? And if he stops paying the mortgage, you will have to if you don't want to lose the house.

I hope this is one of the threads picked up by a journalist and posted on social media. Hopefully OPs comments make it to her DHs solicitor and to court so they can see who the truly unhinged, mentally unwell parent is.

Probably because that's what her family and "friends" ..and no doubt the "solictor" has told her.

I also had a narcissistic mother. I disowned her at age 30. I should have done it alot sooner than that. I hope your DD doesn't take as long I did.

Why on earth are you so important you deserve half the house?

If it goes to court and he wants it, he’ll have DD 50% of the time anyway. Without an awful lot of professional medical evidence showing he is unfit, the court won’t stand in the way of 50/50 custody. You haven’t said anything which would make them think he isn’t safe to parent his child. His housing needs are just as great at yours.

I’m literally starting to think you are trying to drive him to suicide.

Even if you broke your DH so much that he said you could have the house and he’d take nothing, a judge wouldn’t sign off on it as it’s materially unfair and would open the case up to appeal later down the line.

You destroyed everything yourself. You've made this as nasty and acrimonious as it could possibly be. It seems like you are purposely pushing him and abusing him do he has a mental health episode. You've even denied him access to his medication. Getting your solicitor to write him that letter acting like he's a risk to you and his child and the crying that he hasn't tried to make contact. If he never saw you again it would be to soon. You haven't got anyone else's interests at heart other than your own. Your poor kid.

What about talking to the one person this actually involves – your husband?

You say you're confused because of the opinions of others, so talk to him. See what he thinks. You might find he wants to end the marriage now himself, saving you the trouble. If I were him, after being left homeless and being sent a solicitor's letter demeaning my mental health and saying I am an unfit parent, I wouldn't want you back.

😲

I'm starting to feel mentally unwell myself after reading OPs posts!!

I'm off for a cup of tea, knock yourself out with your insanity @CarterOL 👍

I am not saying you are lying but you have either completely misinterpreted what they have said or they are incompetent. Your solicitor can't stop you moving back in either, you seem very much influenced by what other people tell you. It's his house. Think about it. Your solicitor hadn't even seen him never mind assess what his mental state is !!

I’ve been hesitant to ask this and it may come across badly but it’s a genuine question… do you have learning difficulties OP? The way you write plus your family’s over involvement in your affairs leads me to suspect some degree of intellectual impairment.

From my position, he argued with me, I did him. He was unhappy, I was too. He shouted a lot when we argued, was nasty, I was calm but had my moments. He’s told me repeatedly he didn’t want to live anymore for a while now, and never got over his family trauma or his other issues. I have trauma too and have been in pain.

no we never got help. I asked him to get help but he never did. I don’t need help I’m ok I can manage.

but with how he acted these last two weeks by being depressive and acting upset and telling people who listen he wants to end things how could I ever let him back in my home or near my DD?

I don’t feel he is entitled to half the house. No. And my parents will push for this also. My solicitor has argued that due to the mortgage being paid for a certain way and he paid other bills and things while I did the mortgage, he isn’t actually entitled to anything regardless of him being named.

its not nice I know. And I do worry if he’s on because he’s not well. But he made the decision to go. He could have just said no and stayed upstairs but he left.

You're either an enormous liar, or your solicitor is an incompetent hack job. Good lord.

You're going to have the shock of your life if you're taken to court.

Your family that are advising you on this are a disgrace.

one of the most serious issues with antidepressants (which I assume this poor guy was taking) is becoming suicidal if the medication is suddenly stopped.

there is a high risk of suicide if anti depressants are suddenly stopped

so @CarterOL if this man commits suicide now you might as well have shot him

Don't get wound up, people. There is no solicitor.

I don’t feel he is entitled to half the house. No. And my parents will push for this also. My solicitor has argued that due to the mortgage being paid for a certain way and he paid other bills and things while I did the mortgage, he isn’t actually entitled to anything regardless of him being named.

Oh dear. You really are clueless. If he's named on the mortgage and deeds, it's half his.