Split with DH recently. Help!

[CarterOL]

Hi I was hoping for some sound advice?

I split with DH of 8 years 11 days ango and I’m not sure if I made the right decision. It is driving me crazy and I can’t stop crying when I’m alone.

We have been having difficulty for a year. He was diagnosed with a health condition due to an accident at work which really made him low, put on weight and the like. His mother had died a 3 years ago which he ever got over. He would get depressed easy and had a terrible outlook on life. Sometimes he would be happy, other times sad.

I myself have recently been diagnosed with endometriosis and have been finding my love of life has vanished. I’ve lost all sex drive, and stopped being overly sexual with him. It’s very hard when I’m in constant pain. He tried his best to be understanding but I knew I was letting him down.

So naturally for the last year or so we bickered. We had big fights, small fights. Never violence, he never once hurt me nor I him.

11 days ago we had another fight. He said something stupid, I got sad. He snapped, I snapped. He left the house to calm down and then when he came back tried to apologise. Now my sister had come to see me randomly and was there. She told me to get rid of him because he was making me unhappy.

DH came home. I told him it was over. He got his things and I let him leave. He messaged me a lot at first that he loved me, he was sorry, he wanted to try talking and coming back but I didn’t let him. I ignored his cries and let him sleep on the street in the rain. It got to a point he wanted to kill himself but made no actual attempt.

He has been living rough for nearly the entire time, but I haven’t let him back into the home despite. We have a mortgage together and he could come asking but as yet he has not. He is trying to protect DD but has stopped paying some bills.

I’m scared I made the wrong decision. Because I was unhappy with how he made me feel but I never sat down and discussed this with him. People keep saying either if you are not happy it’s right but also he was a good man and I never just talked to him about thing. We just bickered over small thing that would escalate into bigger fights.

I know he would take me back but I let him sleep outside. Could it ever be normal between us? My family keep telling me to be alone and I don’t want to go against them.

But he is the father to my DD and I miss him so.

What should I do?

You’re a coward. You’re doing what your parents say so that you don’t have to take any responsibility for the situation.

I hope your DH is clued up enough to know that nothing in that letter is legally enforceable. Good luck when he gets his own solicitor. You might receive a few letters too.

And it is so disingenuous of you to say that your solicitor is the one who won't allow your DH to return home. For one thing, a solicitor has no authority to allow you or forbid you from doing anything. But more importantly, the wording of the letter makes it clear that you are the one who wants to keep him out of his own house. At least have the decency to tell the truth on this thread.

I really hope his silence is because his own solicitor has told him to have zero contact with you while he gets his proverbial ducks in a row.

She'll be on here a few months with

"My exH is trying to get 50:50 custody of our DD. He's been homeless for months, is unemployed and has only just found somewhere to live. He hasn't even seen our DD since he left us."

This is literally an admission that he's got the right to be there now!

His ‘mental state’ is because you threw him out of his home and denied him access to his child, his place of work and his belongings. I hope you can live with yourself, when all of this is done and dusted.

Yes. Ok. I do. I don’t want him back in the house. Are you happy now? We argued a lot about stupid things that did not matter and we argued often. We were both miserable and we were both unhappy. He never once tried to talk to me or tried to make sure I was ok even with all the medical problems I was facing. He just slammed
his hands down on his desk and told me to go away because he was working.

i don’t want him to be unsafe but I don’t want him back in the home. I have had countless friends and legal people tell me he has no right to come back because of his mental state when he left. The fact he’s on the street doesn’t matter. If it’s really that bad why can’t he go to his brothers? He’s happy enough to charge his phone but not stay?

it’s over with him and while I’m not sure if I love him, I know he just can’t be here. It wouldn’t be right, and my family would basically disown me.

Lawyers will literally put anything in a letter of you pay them.

My DH got a letter from his ex saying he owed her £35k because of a bunch of made up lies she spun. It's doesn't count for anything. They've drafted a letter based on your warped opinion of the situation. It is not legally binding. He is still legally entitled to enter his own home.

I'm actually glad that the letter includes the part about you saying YOU think he will harm you or your daughter because if he takes you to court you will have to prove why this is true and not just a manipulative attempt to alienate him from his child. The courts deal with this shit all the time. They aren't stupid. They aren't going to think just because a man has depression it makes him a potential child killer or whatever it is you are implying. They know spiteful women make up stuff to get their own way.

You have denied him access to his medication and that is what he needs to improve his mental state. You are a bully and an abuser. No lawyer your parents hire will prevent the courts from seeing this. You are awful.

Then the next step for him is to get a solicitor to get what he is entitled to, so that he is able to put a roof over his head. Surely you wouldn’t try and deny him that?

If your parents want you to keep the house, they’ll have to buy him out.

Unless it's been court ordered this is absolute nonsense. This is merely requirements you've decided upon but he's not legally obligated to abide by them. Solicitors have no power to make these decisions. They can advise but only a court and mandate something like that.

Who are these "countless legal people" who told you your husband had no right to re-enter the marital home because he was upset that his marriage was ending?

Your hands are NOT tied. This is what YOU have instructed your solicitor to write to your husband. They wouldn't have written it without your complicit agreement.

Well, at least you've admitted that you were being less than truthful before.

Your most recent post is full of "I want." You can want all you like. That doesn't mean what you want will happen. And what I really hope is that your DH returns to his own house and doesn't listen to your nonsense.

I suspect your parents want to alienate him from his child completely so that they have full control of you and her.

You aren't legally allowed to block him from his own home. You seem intent on pushing him over the edge. If your daughter ever comes to understand any of your cruelty she may well decide to disown you.

And there it is. The massive, massive drip feed that you very much want this. Only took you 16 pages.

Seriously, what is the point of this thread when your mind is made up AND you've already instructed a solicitor to keep him out of the house?

As I've said before, OP is a compulsive pathological liar and the best thing her husband can do is stay out of her life for good. Vermin

I wouldn't blame anyone for thinking you were trying to drive him to suicide.

Maybe he's getting a solicitor to write a letter saying the reason he hasn't returned to the house is because he does not feel safe to do so due to you and your family, and therefore he will be seeking an occupation order and a non-molestation order.

I really hope he does

I hope he finds the strength to fight for what is his, despite your attempts to break him.

My mind isn’t made up but I don’t know what I want or what’s for the best I have people one side telling me he’s not worth it and others saying if he is in the rain then who cares he’s a grown man and I have solicitors telling me they want to keep him away because of the suicide threats and my own parents telling me he made me unhappy.

im completely lost and don’t know what to do for the best for all of us and see all the sides but now it is so deep I can’t possibly move anywhere forward other than to keep him away and stop delay him getting anything from the house. Once he does I can’t afford to live here alone it will destroy us?