Split with DH recently. Help!

[CarterOL]

Hi I was hoping for some sound advice?

I split with DH of 8 years 11 days ango and I’m not sure if I made the right decision. It is driving me crazy and I can’t stop crying when I’m alone.

We have been having difficulty for a year. He was diagnosed with a health condition due to an accident at work which really made him low, put on weight and the like. His mother had died a 3 years ago which he ever got over. He would get depressed easy and had a terrible outlook on life. Sometimes he would be happy, other times sad.

I myself have recently been diagnosed with endometriosis and have been finding my love of life has vanished. I’ve lost all sex drive, and stopped being overly sexual with him. It’s very hard when I’m in constant pain. He tried his best to be understanding but I knew I was letting him down.

So naturally for the last year or so we bickered. We had big fights, small fights. Never violence, he never once hurt me nor I him.

11 days ago we had another fight. He said something stupid, I got sad. He snapped, I snapped. He left the house to calm down and then when he came back tried to apologise. Now my sister had come to see me randomly and was there. She told me to get rid of him because he was making me unhappy.

DH came home. I told him it was over. He got his things and I let him leave. He messaged me a lot at first that he loved me, he was sorry, he wanted to try talking and coming back but I didn’t let him. I ignored his cries and let him sleep on the street in the rain. It got to a point he wanted to kill himself but made no actual attempt.

He has been living rough for nearly the entire time, but I haven’t let him back into the home despite. We have a mortgage together and he could come asking but as yet he has not. He is trying to protect DD but has stopped paying some bills.

I’m scared I made the wrong decision. Because I was unhappy with how he made me feel but I never sat down and discussed this with him. People keep saying either if you are not happy it’s right but also he was a good man and I never just talked to him about thing. We just bickered over small thing that would escalate into bigger fights.

I know he would take me back but I let him sleep outside. Could it ever be normal between us? My family keep telling me to be alone and I don’t want to go against them.

But he is the father to my DD and I miss him so.

What should I do?

One way or another, it's not an accurate story.

Why would you want to steal something which belongs to him anyway?

Look I'm sorry but you're coming across as being extremely unlikeable - my friends would never behave like this.

@CarterOL so, u expect him to be homeless and still pay your bills and your mortgage? You are very clearly unhinged and I agree, this can’t possibly be real

If he calls the police and you are reported for abuse, you will risk losing custody of your daughter.

In fact once the court hears what you've done you will likely be the one removed from your home and he will remain with his daughter.

If anything happens to him while being homeless you can also be charged with negligence for refusing him access to his home.

Good luck OP. You are going to need it.

So you're taking the word of one solicitor when a load of other people and the internet are telling you something else? Maybe find another solicitor because the one you have doesn't have a clue. In face don't. Stick with the dumbass solicitor and give your poor husband a better chance of winning against you.

I think she wants people to say "good for you for standing up to this bad man who dared to shout back in an argument over dishes". "Girl power!" "I hope you are ok you poor poor soul."

If its me then fine, that's another lie. You've made it clear you think you deserve everything, said he shouldn't get half the house, he shouldn't be allowed to come back, he shouldn't be sad because it effects you. No where have you considered any of his needs. You made your child's father homeless, that is cold nasty behaviour at a level I can't comprehend. Dont lie to yourself and say you do care, no one treats someone they love this way. You're even making up lies about him to your DD saying he needs to work on his mental health when the truth is he cant see her because you kicked him out and wont let them see each other. I hope he takes you to court and that he can protect that poor little child from you're completely tucked up thinking. Ive seen cold. Ive dealt with abusers and narcissists, I think this takes the cake for sheer nastiness and entitlement.

You're an abuser OP and the fact he just let you throw him out shows how much damage you've caused and how beaten down he is. It doesn't make you right, it just shows how horrible you've been.

I agree. Nobody can be that much of a cow in real life.

It's disgusting that this thread hasn't been deleted, if it had been an abusive male posting how he'd booted his wife on to the streets and wanted tips on how to keep her homeless it would have been zapped within minutes.

Wow - you are a piece of work OP - i hope he comes back and takes half of everything. Your daughter will never forgive you, unless you and your family feed her lies about her father of course. Can't believe you kicked him out - and he could be dead somewhere, here you are talking about what your parents would want you to do. I hope to god this is a stupid fake thread.

No it wouldn't. It would just have provoked a lot of very critical posts, as this one is doing. Fuck's sake, here we have a woman being rightly and roundly criticised for her terrible treatment of her husband and you people are STILL doing the "reverse the sexes" because you're STILL not happy.

You are despicable! I can't believe you are so callous and cruel, your poor husband, you need find out if he is ok!!!!

I hope he takes you for every penny, sell the house, give him his half, which is legally his and let the poor man build a new life away from you and your poisonous "family".

You are a grown adult you don't need your families permission!

@NonPlayerCharacter

No it absolutely would not. Not unless it was somehow creating a real life danger for someone or overtly advocating real life harm, which is statistically more likely in the case of a male abuser. Threads aren't deleted because the OP is an arse. You have made that up because it suits you to believe it.

This just further demonstrates that the REVERSE THE SEXES lot are never happy and what their reason for being here is.

This thread has really upset me. I sincerely hope her husband gets some support and help to deal with this appalling situation. He needs the opportunity to build a lovely life, with his DD, away from this ghastly family.

I'm thinking this is one of those 'Wind 'em up and watch 'em go' threads.

You are misunderstanding what the solicitor has told you. You can refuse to let him back in, but you have no legal right to, which is why if he takes it to court, you will be forced to provide him with keys to his own house. And your legal rep and his will bill you both for that pleasure.

Thatcomment about him having to prove that he is not a risk to you or your daughter, what is that about? Did you imply that he is dangerous?

OP you do realise that as co-owner of the property he could return home right now with a locksmith, gain access to the house and there would be nothing you could do about it? As a police officer we get calls about this kind of thing all the time and you cannot stop him coming in without a court order. He does not need to go to court and if you refused him access and he called police we would come out and give that same advice. He would not be stopped from entering the property.

My solicitor has advised me that due to his mental state these last two weeks he is not to be allowed in the home or near my daughter. This is why I cannot let him back home. I appreciate his mental state at the time may be caused by the actions but he is the one who decided to leave.

Many are angry at me but I am now in an impossible position. I can’t let him back, as now my solicitor will not allow it. The fact he’s homeless has no weight on that decision.

I assure you it’s not. Of that I promise. I’m just at a disadvantage and am confused with what I do.

the comment just about being at risk to my child, he may be if his mental state is impaired.

You haven’t seen him for 2 weeks, how on earth do you know what his mental state is?
Your solicitor does not have the power to ‘not allow’ him back to his house.
This is all pointless anyway. It is quite clear you will do what your family tell you to do.

@CarterOL your solicitor won't allow it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 is your solicitor a family member ???? That's the only way this could have ever come about. No solicitor in the world can tell anyone who owns a house their not allowed back