Split with DH recently. Help!

[CarterOL]

Hi I was hoping for some sound advice?

I split with DH of 8 years 11 days ango and I’m not sure if I made the right decision. It is driving me crazy and I can’t stop crying when I’m alone.

We have been having difficulty for a year. He was diagnosed with a health condition due to an accident at work which really made him low, put on weight and the like. His mother had died a 3 years ago which he ever got over. He would get depressed easy and had a terrible outlook on life. Sometimes he would be happy, other times sad.

I myself have recently been diagnosed with endometriosis and have been finding my love of life has vanished. I’ve lost all sex drive, and stopped being overly sexual with him. It’s very hard when I’m in constant pain. He tried his best to be understanding but I knew I was letting him down.

So naturally for the last year or so we bickered. We had big fights, small fights. Never violence, he never once hurt me nor I him.

11 days ago we had another fight. He said something stupid, I got sad. He snapped, I snapped. He left the house to calm down and then when he came back tried to apologise. Now my sister had come to see me randomly and was there. She told me to get rid of him because he was making me unhappy.

DH came home. I told him it was over. He got his things and I let him leave. He messaged me a lot at first that he loved me, he was sorry, he wanted to try talking and coming back but I didn’t let him. I ignored his cries and let him sleep on the street in the rain. It got to a point he wanted to kill himself but made no actual attempt.

He has been living rough for nearly the entire time, but I haven’t let him back into the home despite. We have a mortgage together and he could come asking but as yet he has not. He is trying to protect DD but has stopped paying some bills.

I’m scared I made the wrong decision. Because I was unhappy with how he made me feel but I never sat down and discussed this with him. People keep saying either if you are not happy it’s right but also he was a good man and I never just talked to him about thing. We just bickered over small thing that would escalate into bigger fights.

I know he would take me back but I let him sleep outside. Could it ever be normal between us? My family keep telling me to be alone and I don’t want to go against them.

But he is the father to my DD and I miss him so.

What should I do?

Reported because I'm now doubtful any of it is true.

You admit he is no risk to you or your child, so why do you think he would have to prove that in order to return to his own house? Seriously, even if your solicitor said something like that (which I highly doubt), can't you work out for yourself that it makes no sense?

Oh shut up about your family and sister honestly your mortifying. Your a pathetic excuse of a woman, you've lied and lied and lied this full thread, give over. I feel sorry for your daughter tbh having a mother like you, the only one who will be causing her any problems will be you

I’m just trying to know what to do best and yes you may think I’m all these things and maybe in some ways i am but I don’t know what to do! I can not resolve this without losing people I love one way or another and I need help!

Clearly no one can help you, as no one even knows an accurate story as all you have done this full thread is waffle. You don't get to decide your husband can't get half of the house, if you don't want to be with him then so be it but you absolutely don't get to tell a chronically ill man he cannot come back to his own house, who exactly do you think you are ? Just you go with what your family says and never get back with him cause you 100% would be doing him a massive massive favour, your poison and it will do him no good ever going back to you or your toxic controlling family.

How do you think we can help you? You need to put your big girl pants on and sort out your own mess.

You have no fucking idea if he’s dead or alive. Do you have any concept of how dangerous sleeping rough is? And he’s ill. And depressed. At least report him as a missing person to the police so someone can find him. You are seriously such a selfish evil bitch.

Quite. I was holding off on saying it but if he’s not replying to messages, you don’t know where he is, he’s depressed and he’s lost his home/car/daughter and potentially his job… are you sure he’s alive?

Yes. He has been seen by other people just not me as he is keeping away. I don’t know if he is still even sleeping rough.

Your legal aid (if they exist) are absolutely incorrect in the eyes of the law.

If this goes to court you will absolutely be required to sell the house and split the equity.

Do you think it’s fair for you to keep the house and him get nothing OP, even if this was the case legally (it’s not)? Why shouldn’t he get half the asset that he half owns? How do you expect him to house himself?

Can you please stop giving vague answers, people are genuinely worried about your husband. Firstly are you in the UK? Is your husband on medication for his health issues? If he is, does he have his medication on him? Does he have his own bank account or is it joint? If you have access to it has he been making transactions etc? Basically anything to show he’s alive and not dead in a ditch. I really can’t see how you aren’t more worried about him, can you not see that complete strangers are showing more care and compassion for your husband, someone you apparently love, than you? How can you not be going out of your mind over the fact he is currently living on the streets? Fair enough you don’t want to live with him again, but you can go to your parents, you need to move out and let him have the house.

What's more important? Your parents' approval or knowing you've done the right thing? You won't be able to look yourself in the eye if you continue like this.

of course I am concerned but I am angry it got to this and also trying to do what’s right by so many including myself and my DD. Yes he is in meds I don’t think he has them. Bank accounts were separate so I can’t see.

if I move to my parents I can’t be with my DD and she is my main concern.

This thread is either fake or you’re an idiot OP

if this is real, and you’re prioritising what your family think over your husband, then he is far better off without you.

your supposed “legal aid” is bullshit. He is entitled to be in the house you share together because it’s his as much as it is yours.

“I’m the victim” “he shouted at me” well by your own admission you shouted aswell so why should he be homeless and not you? Why don’t you tell him to come home and you go sleep rough or stay with your judgemental/controlling family and your daughter can stay home with daddy?

”his mum died and he’s sad with a horrible outlook on life” well yes my dear he would be - obviously you have never lost a parent otherwise you would understand this. It changes you. How dare this man still mourn the loss of his MOTHER just three years later?

don’t get me wrong he sounds far from perfect but I think he deserves a medal for not leaving sooner.

Please just answer do you live in the UK?

So he’s on medication but doesn’t even have it on him? That is dangerous.

Why can’t your daughter go with you to your parents house?

The only people you have to do right by in this situation is your daughter, your husband and yourself. This has absolutely nothing to do with your parents.

Yes, your daughter absolutely has to come first, how is her having a dead Dad putting her first. Some day she is going to grow up and hate you for either sending her father to an early grave (because if stays on the streets in all likelihood that will happen) or for forcing him to live on the streets. You will lose her, no child would forgive that.

@CarterOL you need your contact your husband and confirm he is ok and get his meds to him,

Assuming this is true.

This combination of astonishingly stupid and completely heartless is surely not real 😫

I honestly don't believe this thread to be one but true. There's no way any human being can be as delusional is the OP. She also doesn't answer any questions with a straight answer, I think she just craves attention.

So he’s got no way of earning a living and he doesn’t have his medication? And all you’re worried about is whether your family will talk to you again or not?
Look at it this way… do you think a normal, loving, supportive family would cut their own daughter (and granddaughter) off for trying to make a go of things with their husband, where by your own admission the issue with your relationship is that you ‘argue a bit’? Even if they have justifiable concerns about your marriage, do you think that never talking to you again would be a supportive, reasonable action?
Why can’t you take your daughter with you to your parents? Allow your DH back in the house to access his work equipment/medication and to have a roof over his head, then you can work on divorcing and splitting assets fairly.

You are utterly heartless and self absorbed. The legal advice you've supposedy had is utter bullshit. If any of this is remotely true your daughter will grow up to despise you.

I think the solicitor is telling you what you want to hear. Don't kid yourself that he isn't entitled to 50:50 care of your child. He is and it is rare that the courts don't allow this.

Orders to allow one party to stay in the house (unless they’re buying the other out) are extremely rare nowadays too. In the vast majority of cases, if one can’t buy the other out then the house is sold and proceeds split.

I am in the UK, white British. I’m sorry but this thread is true. I just don’t know how to process for the absolute best because no matter what I do now somebody will get hurt. If it’s me then fine.