Split with DH recently. Help!

[CarterOL]

Hi I was hoping for some sound advice?

I split with DH of 8 years 11 days ango and I’m not sure if I made the right decision. It is driving me crazy and I can’t stop crying when I’m alone.

We have been having difficulty for a year. He was diagnosed with a health condition due to an accident at work which really made him low, put on weight and the like. His mother had died a 3 years ago which he ever got over. He would get depressed easy and had a terrible outlook on life. Sometimes he would be happy, other times sad.

I myself have recently been diagnosed with endometriosis and have been finding my love of life has vanished. I’ve lost all sex drive, and stopped being overly sexual with him. It’s very hard when I’m in constant pain. He tried his best to be understanding but I knew I was letting him down.

So naturally for the last year or so we bickered. We had big fights, small fights. Never violence, he never once hurt me nor I him.

11 days ago we had another fight. He said something stupid, I got sad. He snapped, I snapped. He left the house to calm down and then when he came back tried to apologise. Now my sister had come to see me randomly and was there. She told me to get rid of him because he was making me unhappy.

DH came home. I told him it was over. He got his things and I let him leave. He messaged me a lot at first that he loved me, he was sorry, he wanted to try talking and coming back but I didn’t let him. I ignored his cries and let him sleep on the street in the rain. It got to a point he wanted to kill himself but made no actual attempt.

He has been living rough for nearly the entire time, but I haven’t let him back into the home despite. We have a mortgage together and he could come asking but as yet he has not. He is trying to protect DD but has stopped paying some bills.

I’m scared I made the wrong decision. Because I was unhappy with how he made me feel but I never sat down and discussed this with him. People keep saying either if you are not happy it’s right but also he was a good man and I never just talked to him about thing. We just bickered over small thing that would escalate into bigger fights.

I know he would take me back but I let him sleep outside. Could it ever be normal between us? My family keep telling me to be alone and I don’t want to go against them.

But he is the father to my DD and I miss him so.

What should I do?

You're callous and I despise you, if this is true.

Let the poor man into his own home, sleep in separate rooms, get a divorce and I hope to god he doesn't have to deal with you and your equally repulsive family again unless it's about the child.

@CarterOL

OP your behaviour towards your husband is absolutely unbelievable, in more ways than one. I hope he manages to get advice, including legal aid, in order to put his own side across, divorce you for your abusive behaviour towards him and get his half of a shared asset so that he can purchase a home if his own.

I also hope he takes you to court to get fair access to his child because you don't seem to have any idea (or don't care) how you and, if you're to be believed at all, your family, how wrong your actions are. I feel sorry for your child in all this. 🌹

Your sister sees life as things which have happened to her.

She would need to stop being so self obsessed and get the blinkers off.

Thoughts with your husband having to contend with this and you being so ignorant to believe you own the whole house just because you shut the front door.

You were doing so well spinning this but now you have jumped the shark. Legal aid doesn’t work like that and this is utter rubbish.

This is fake, surely?

Hope so

You go live with your family then and let him live in the house!

You sound like a complete narcissist!

Are you for real? He asked to come back you told him to stay away and now you're saying it's all his fault because he did what you told him to do. If he had come back when you'd told him to stay away you'd probably complain that he wasn't respecting your boundaries.

I honestly can't get over how self-centred and delusional you are. You really need to get some therapy and that poor man is better off as far away from you as possible. Hopefully he wins custody of his DD as well because living with someone like you can't be healthy for her. I hope you both get the help you need for your DDs sake. Unbelievable!

You went from ‘my parents are going to pay for legal advice so I can keep the house’ to ‘I got legal advice last week and they said I can keep the house’ in just a few posts… impressive!

No one here sees you as a victim because you aren't, you're the perpetrator. The fact he shouted means nothing because you made him HOMELESS. How do you not get how warped and horrible it is to do that to someone. You need to let him back in and then you need to get therapy because the way you're thinking isnt normal and it isn't ok and it is completely fucked up.

I didn’t want to say I had spoke with a solicitor because it would make me look bad. My parents did pay for one, last Monday. It’s made me look bad. But I needed the support of the law to see what I could or could not do. Iswear, they have informed me that because he left of his own volition and left his belongings he has no right to come back without first proving he isn’t a risk to myself or my daughter. The lady said also that as he left it doesn’t matter if I asked him to go or not as it’s he said she said, but as he left anyway he has to take me to court to see his daughter or gain access to the home. But he can not have 50% either way.

Of all the things that make you look bad in this saga, getting legal advice is probably the least of them.
Im out, anyway. You don’t give a shit about your husband, just making sure you’re ok. So there’s nothing else to say to you.

Wow, what have I read.

A guy who's been arguing with his wife.

Has lost his mother.
Has lost his health.
Has lost his house.
Has lost access to his car.
Has lost access to his place of work.
Has lost access to his daughter.

Has the ability to charge his phone during the day and you have the audacity to say he's not been paying for all of the bills.

Poor poor guy.

Yes, arguing is not nice. But you have your daughter, your warm bed, your home and a really fucking overarching family who you will see one day are just controlling busybodies.

I just hope he doesn't lose his life. 😞

If the house is jointly owned that's a load of bollix.

How can it be legal aid if your parents paid for it? You're just spinning a story that keeps changing with every post.

You seriously need to stop now. I have reported the thread. There are women on MN who genuinely need help.

I'm glad that you've been given poor legal advice as it means you husband will have a better chance of winning his case against you when he does take you to court. You have no right to stop contact between him and his DD.

Crazy that you thought seeking legal advice would make you look bad but not everything else you've done. Ask your parents if they'll pay for a therapist as well because you badly need one.

reported the thread for what? Legal aid my parents paid for? I can’t afford that which is why they helped pay?

i just said I didn’t want to admit it’s what I did because it would make me look bad doing it so quick. I’ve been told that seeking a solicitor after a week was too fast. That’s why I didn’t say anything.

im trying to be open and honest here but with people attacking its not easy. I know you may think I did wrong but I was I was unhappy and did what I had to do!

@CarterOL you haven't been open and honest once, your full of shit.

No they didn’t. And as you admit to being a liar it’s not difficult to imagine you are a liar.

There’s no law that says that.

He doesn’t need to prove is isn’t a risk. Because there’s no record of him being risk. Or perhaps you lied again and made out he was a risk and lied to the legal professional.

again, anyone reading this that thinks this is actual legal advice, please don’t believe it.

Either you got the wrong end of the stick or you received the most useless, inaccurate legal advice ever. Your husband has every right to return to his home. It doesn't matter a jot that he chose to leave the house. And he certainly doesn't have to prove anything. If he has PR he could return to the house at any time, take your DD by the hand, and take her to school, to the park, wherever.

my husband has never been violent. He slammed things about if we were angry but never violent and I would never say such a thing.

I’ve spent all night away worrying about the thing people say in this post but I really don’t know what I can do because my parents sister friends they won’t forgive me if I take him back or even allow him to the home to stay. I have messaged him to see if he’s ok and he hasn’t replied yet.

I don’t think the OP understands what ‘Legal Aid’ actually means…

I just googled it and I assumed it was just legal help. I did not know it was free aid to help people who can not pay. We paid