He blocked and ghosted me 😭😭😭

[Pizzapie82]

I haven’t seen my little girl’s dad since I was 13 weeks pregnant. He wasn’t happy I was pregnant and said that he wanted me to have an abortion. He said that if I didn’t he would never be able to trust me and wouldn’t see me or the child. He blamed me for getting pregnant and accused me of tricking him. Erm, no-it happened the one time we had sex without condoms. Think he needed to take a biology lesson.

Anyway, I didn’t contact him since then but noticed about a month before I have birth that he had blocked me on Facebook and messenger. I thought this was so unnecessary considering I hadn’t contacted him even once since I had last seen him so not like I was hounding him or anything.

My LG is now 7 weeks old and I thought that for her sake I would message him on WhatsApp as noticed he was still available on there. I thought that he might have decided not to block me on there just in case. I sent a very civil message letting him know I had given birth to a beautiful baby girl. I said that I would leave it up to him if he wanted to be involved or not. I didn’t receive a reply and his profile picture disappeared. The bastard has blocked me without so much as the courtesy of a response. I can’t believe someone can be like that. We were only together a matter of weeks when I got pregnant and I certainly wasn’t expecting any sort of ongoing romantic relationship and understood why he wasn’t happy. However, he gave me no indication that he was the type of person to ghost someone. I’m just gutted for my LG who clearly will have no chance of having a relationship with her father. 😓😭😭

How can someone do that sort of thing and then just get on with their day without a second thought? I just don’t understand it.

Thank you, seems I'm a "man" because I think forcing a disinterested father on a child would lead to a worse outcome than if he just disappeared. He said from the start he doesn't want to be involved I wouldn't want to be a child whose father was forced to see me just to prove a point. Seems some people are more interested in punishing this man than what's actually beneficial to their child.

Anyone who is genuinely concerned about men becoming dads against their wishes should read this. Quite an eye opener:

x.com/designmom/status/1040363431893725184?s=46&t=lVt-WH-GcsPlMCKrCR4ukg

Where are you getting that bit about trust from, @Myblindsaredown? OP never said that the guy thought she was on additional contraception. You seem to be creating your own narrative.

Plus there is no right to have sex without risking pregnancy. It's just that women can't avoid some major consequences (pregnancy, abortion and adoption are all very significant events) whereas men can, and do, walk away.

I would also consider the cms route .. but it is personal to you . If I thought someone would want contact with my dc to reduce contact then I may well avoid.

As for paternal grandparents - never in a million years . They will always side with the dad and once you start contact they then have the right to apply to courts for contact . Whilst they might be lovely - the risk of them not is also one I wouldn’t be willing to take .

can understand your perspective, he has basically ignored your daughters existence and that must hurt because you can’t understand why he would do that.
However he said from the very beginning of your pregnancy he didn’t want a child and that he wanted no involvement, he’s just stuck to his word and has had no interest like he said from the beginning. It’s much better he’s done it this way than giving fake promises like he will always be there for you and the baby blah blah blah without actually meaning it. It’s better he has no involvement now rather than let your daughter down later.
At least you know where you stand with him.
you wanted to keep the baby and he didn’t. I would concentrate on being the best mum you can be and not focus on him.

@Sparklfairy yep, which is why I did say he should have used a condom.

Whatever happened between you both doesn't excuse his behaviour. If he was that worried he could of wrapped it up.

You don't need or want a flaky father in your daughter's life. You contacted him out of kindness and he blocks you, that tells you everything you need to know.
. Focus on your baby, it won't be easy but you can do it op, you're all she needs.
I know it's sad but it's his loss and for him to carry the guilt not you.

Put it away in savings if needed. He needs to pay. He’s an adult and needs to grow up. You never know when you may need it.

God that’s even worse! I was imagining about 20!!

I’m aghast that some PP think that the man shouldn’t have to pay maintenance because he said he didn’t want the child.

As you say she is your miracle baby. You got what you wanted, or you wouldn’t have kept the baby. He was clear with you that he didn’t want it, but he did not have a choice.

So I think you should stop with the crying emojis and put happy emojis instead.

He is probably married, but he is preventing potential grandparents knowing about a grandchild they have. I’d have to go round his house to see if he is married.

What’s the point in that?

He showed you very clearly who he is. It's sad for your DD that she doesn't have a lovely dad but she does have a very loving mum so concentrate on making your life together as happy and joyful as possible. You don't need his negative influence in your lives.

I agree.

They both took a risk & from his pov it didn't pay off.

There should also be something whereby disinterested fathers can't ask for 50/50 just to get out of paying.

Not sure how that would work though!

He’ll automatically be made to pay cma if he doesn’t dot eh test to prove otherwise.

You have given him the chance to be involved by making contact- you’ve done what you can. He obviously doesn’t want to be a father and no one can be forced to parent.
With regards to the maintenance, I would think carefully and weigh up my child’s right to maintenance vs the risk of landing myself with a very manipulative man for the next 18 years. If he’s that way inclined, he could decide he wants named
on the birth certificate, then a paternity test, then regular contact, then 50/50 . Perhaps he’ll be obstructive when you want to go on holiday abroad, when choosing schools , the list could go on. And it would all be a means of ‘punishing you’ for going to cms (and a way of reducing his payments) , rather than actually being interested in his child. Imagine trying to co parent with someone like that. It would be worse than if you had just left him under his rock with no expectations. He may just pay up quietly and still not contact you of course, but you don’t know which way it will go. I don’t think a price can be put on a peaceful life, personally.

I am a man and I think planned or unplanned birth sides are culpable. The guy clearly didn't want the child and is not able to undo that after the fact the woman can control both before and after. If she keeps the child it comes down to ethics is it ethical she forces a child on a dad that don't want it and how about the child the experience could damage it

I can’t understand how someone could do something like this. But I think unfortunately some men are like this and can emotionally detach themselves. Congrats on your beautiful baby girl. Enjoy every minute with her and forget about him. Agree with pp who said maybe it’s a blessing. 100 percent his loss.

Honestly I wouldn’t push for CMS given the situation. You chose to continue with the pregnancy knowing that he didn’t want to be involved. Of course you should both have used condoms but from his perspective he’s been honest from the get go that he didn’t want to be a dad.

I presume at 42 he knows how babies are made. Saying he doesn’t want to be a dad doesn’t somehow magically prevent conception. He and OP chose not to use a condom. She has accepted the result, he is refusing to.

I don’t want to have a hangover. But if I choose to drink and I wake up feeling crap, I don’t try to blame anyone else.

The other question you’re not asking is
Is it ethical to I pose a termination to a woman with all the potential consequences it can have on her?

From the very physical (read around how it feels to have a termination and passing the foetus) to the fact in this case you’re asking a mum to kill a baby she wants to keep to the potential MH impact after the abortion.

If you’re going to ask ethical question, please don’t concentrate ONLY on the man - poor him he is forced to have a child he doesn’t want.
Its not because it’s affecting a man in a negative way thats it’s suddenly becoming an ethical issue.

You have a valid point there is a cost to a woman but then again she could have also had a coil fitted / insisted on protection, They follow a vaguely monthly cycle by and large so she would have known it would be a higher risk time the man wouldn't necessarily know that.

After the event its mainly down to the woman making a hard decision but thats purely her decision the man can give their view but ultimately the woman owns the outcome.

This. It’s absolutely bonkers on both their parts. I didn’t feel sorry for the guy at all and think he should pay child support - or the taxpayer will be picking up the tab - but I do feel sorry for the child.

I think a baby isn’t the worst thing to get out of these situations as it can be much worse - HIV etc.

They both took the ‘reckless decision’ to not use a condom. They both consensually made a child. It no more his fault than hers.

100% put in a claim for maintenance. If you don’t need this money put it aside for her future - University or house deposit. Just because he didn’t want the baby doesn’t mean he hasn’t got an obligation to support her. He won’t get 50/50 for a 7wk old baby and I’m sure he won’t any access. I don’t understand why some people think because he didn’t want the baby and you did he shouldn’t support his child.