He blocked and ghosted me 😭😭😭

[Pizzapie82]

I haven’t seen my little girl’s dad since I was 13 weeks pregnant. He wasn’t happy I was pregnant and said that he wanted me to have an abortion. He said that if I didn’t he would never be able to trust me and wouldn’t see me or the child. He blamed me for getting pregnant and accused me of tricking him. Erm, no-it happened the one time we had sex without condoms. Think he needed to take a biology lesson.

Anyway, I didn’t contact him since then but noticed about a month before I have birth that he had blocked me on Facebook and messenger. I thought this was so unnecessary considering I hadn’t contacted him even once since I had last seen him so not like I was hounding him or anything.

My LG is now 7 weeks old and I thought that for her sake I would message him on WhatsApp as noticed he was still available on there. I thought that he might have decided not to block me on there just in case. I sent a very civil message letting him know I had given birth to a beautiful baby girl. I said that I would leave it up to him if he wanted to be involved or not. I didn’t receive a reply and his profile picture disappeared. The bastard has blocked me without so much as the courtesy of a response. I can’t believe someone can be like that. We were only together a matter of weeks when I got pregnant and I certainly wasn’t expecting any sort of ongoing romantic relationship and understood why he wasn’t happy. However, he gave me no indication that he was the type of person to ghost someone. I’m just gutted for my LG who clearly will have no chance of having a relationship with her father. 😓😭😭

How can someone do that sort of thing and then just get on with their day without a second thought? I just don’t understand it.

My Dh dad did the same. Left whist his mum was pregnant. Didn't want children . 3 awful stepdads followed . And weirdly it was them that messed him up dad wise. Not his actual dad who he never new anyway.
Tricky thing when he got older he spotted his real dad with 2 sons . So he did go on to have children. That hurt him . He had seen photos so new what his dad looked like.
Never paid a penny to his mum or contacted her .
It odd how some people can do that

Unless OP told him she’s infertile, in which case having unprotected sex when you’re under the belief that there is no risk of pregnancy is a bit different and I can see why he would feel like he’s been tricked.

However I’m conscious I’m just speculating as OP hasn’t said that’s what happened.

Well, this is the risk you take when you have unprotected sex with a complete stranger and choose to keep the baby.

All you can do now is focus on your DD (and claim maintenance).

They definitely do. There gave been quite a few threads on here over the years from women who were convinced their ex would change his mind once the child was born and come back, or at least want to be involved in the baby's life.

from his perspective he’s been honest from the get go that he didn’t want to be a dad.

I don't want to be a mum. I take responsibility for my contraception and now at 36 I've managed to not get pregnant once. It's a miracle! No, actually there was a bit of luck too as contraception can fail, but it's amazing how many men feel soooo strongly about not having children, yet are shocked when they don't wear a condom* and it happens. The blaming of the woman and ordering her to have a traumatic medical procedure so they can avoid the consequences of their inaction pisses me off. 'She trapped me/tricked me/She's just after my money'. Bitch please.

*If the man doesn't want a kid, yes he should still wear one even if the woman says she's on her own contraception, especially if he thinks pressuring her to terminate and/or leaving her in the event she falls pregnant is acceptable... Personal responsibility and all that.

I think of he's under the impression op was infertile then you could imagine that maybe he wasn't too worried about contraception to prevent pregnancy.

Also he has said from the beginning he didn't want to be involved. It's worse when they pretend to want to be a parent then leave. If you knew his feelings about the situation buy have continued with the pregnancy you can't really be shocked that he didn't respond.

But if a woman does get pregnant and she doesn't want to be a mum she can have an abortion which many do so no point making out once you get pregnant you have to step up and be a mum many women choose not to and that doesn't make them bad people

She can't put his name on birth certificate if not married unless he accompanied her.

I also wonder whether the OPs belief that she was infertile was communicated to him before he decided to not use a condom.

Anyway, I have personal experience of this. My mum got pregnant with me in her 30s when she hadn’t been with my father very long. He tried to encourage her to have an abortion which she obviously didn’t have. She decided not to pursue any child support and he played no part in my life. It’s something I’ve always felt a bit resentful about. We struggled financially and it was easier for him to pretend I didn’t exist.

OP- whatever the circumstances around the conception, go for the child maintenance, even if you just use it for savings for her.

Women always have the option of a termination though.

OP also says she thought she was infertile so I think that changes things, though I do think he should still have worn a condom.

I guess the real issues start when men do wear condoms and they fail or get tampered with - if the woman then chooses to keep the baby, the man has no choice.

Thank you everyone for the replies. I really appreciate it.

Just to clear up I didn’t tell him I was infertile and everything was so new with him. As people pointed out, we hardly knew each other so I definitely do take responsibility for getting pregnant under those circumstances.

He couldn’t believe I could have got pregnant from just the one time with no protection and was hinting he thought I may have taken sperm from a used condom. I mean I don’t know how that would even work but I would say it would be very unlikely to result in a successful pregnancy, especially given my history! This is why he said I had tricked him.

When I said he isn’t a nice person, I am saying that in hindsight. When we were together and being intimate he was very respectful. When he first found out I was pregnant he was actually supportive and said he respected my decision to keep the baby. He then went away and thought about it and that’s when the abortion talk and mentions of tricking him came into play.

I suppose I am just shocked that someone can be so black and white about a child, an actual human being who is now in the world. When I was in early pregnancy it was more abstract but she is here now.

But not to him. He hasn't seen her or been involved - The baby is still as abstract to him as the moment you found out.

And that's what the blocking & ghosting is about. Out of sight, out of mind - pretending she doesn't exist means he doesn't have to confront the fact he's a shit who has abandoned their own child.

I wouldn't want a termination. I'd probably have to, considering the alternative, but my MH would really suffer. Which is why I take proper precautions and I don't expect to have to shoulder that responsibility for a lazy man as well as myself.

Speaking personally, if my depo injection failed, I'd have to make some hard choices, and they would impact me a lot whatever I chose. Men have the same choice. The trouble is they see the immediate gratification of not having to reduce their own pleasure as temporarily more important than potentially 18 years of child support. It's fucking stupid of them. These men place their bets, then cry and sulk when they 'lose'.

Did you put his name on her birth certificate?

as they aren’t married he would have to be there physically with the registrar to be put on the birth cert.

Did you tell him you were infertile?

I'd apply for child maintenance and put it away in an account for your child. I'd also consider contacting his parents particularly his mum if sge is alive. They might not be interested in a relationship but that doesn't me she shouldn't have any contact with her paternal family. I'd see if the grandparents are interested in foraging a relationship.

It doesn't matter if you want the money or not you're entitled to it for your daughter.

That's not a fair thing to say, without offering OP the use of your time machine..

If they only did it once without protection then it doesn't appear so

He told you he wasn’t happy to have a child, you went ahead with the pregnancy which you were fully entitled to but you can’t be shocked that he is still sticking to his decision.

Go through the necessary legal routes to apply for child support and enjoy your daughter.

Did he agree to have unprotected sex because you told him you were infertile though?

Such effort to defend a 42 year old dead beat dad who is a complete stranger to you. Very plucky.

At least read the full thread first, it's only on page 2.

I’ve noticed this too. It’s as though some men love their children for as long as they love the mothers, rather than loving their children in their own right. It’s so sad, and I speak as a child who was forgotten by my father once my parents separated.

Edited to say I agree with PPs about foregoing maintenance if you think he might suddenly ask for 50-50 custody or overnights.

I don't think you can force a relationship that he doesn't want - it will just hurt your child when he inevitably lets her down. I wouldn't be contacting his parents or going for child support - you might just be opening a can of worms where he takes a view that since he's paying, he'll go for overnight access etc just to spite you. You and your baby don't need that. Never underestimate what a spiteful man can do if backed into a corner.

I'd respect his choice to not be involved and consider that if dodged a bullet. You have a beautiful baby and she is what matters, not this dickhead.

I would push for cms as it’s your daughter’s right. Put it in an account for her. This isn’t a case of poor man - he’s 42 and had sex which resulted in a baby. If he didn’t want one then he should have taken precautions.