He blocked and ghosted me 😭😭😭

[Pizzapie82]

I haven’t seen my little girl’s dad since I was 13 weeks pregnant. He wasn’t happy I was pregnant and said that he wanted me to have an abortion. He said that if I didn’t he would never be able to trust me and wouldn’t see me or the child. He blamed me for getting pregnant and accused me of tricking him. Erm, no-it happened the one time we had sex without condoms. Think he needed to take a biology lesson.

Anyway, I didn’t contact him since then but noticed about a month before I have birth that he had blocked me on Facebook and messenger. I thought this was so unnecessary considering I hadn’t contacted him even once since I had last seen him so not like I was hounding him or anything.

My LG is now 7 weeks old and I thought that for her sake I would message him on WhatsApp as noticed he was still available on there. I thought that he might have decided not to block me on there just in case. I sent a very civil message letting him know I had given birth to a beautiful baby girl. I said that I would leave it up to him if he wanted to be involved or not. I didn’t receive a reply and his profile picture disappeared. The bastard has blocked me without so much as the courtesy of a response. I can’t believe someone can be like that. We were only together a matter of weeks when I got pregnant and I certainly wasn’t expecting any sort of ongoing romantic relationship and understood why he wasn’t happy. However, he gave me no indication that he was the type of person to ghost someone. I’m just gutted for my LG who clearly will have no chance of having a relationship with her father. 😓😭😭

How can someone do that sort of thing and then just get on with their day without a second thought? I just don’t understand it.

Just a thought.

Do you know his full name and dob.

As your daughter may want to know this information at some point.

Surely he should have thought about it before putting his own pleasure first?

It’s That way of thinking that supports a situation where only women are responsible of any potential children and men just walk free as if nothing had ever happened.

The ‘just in case’ and ‘well. he won't will he?’.

And yet when women get pg from rape and raise their baby (something that might not happened in the U.K. as much but certainly does in other countries - like the US) they are expected to still love deeply and care for the child. And most do.
So why is it that men can’t? Because they can get away with it.

Yet there was a thread on Aibu the other day where op was saying men should be forced to step up and raise their children 50/50 and she was laughed at and ridiculed for even suggesting it and no one thought that was a good idea there is no way to force a man or woman to step up and be a parent so what would you like to see happen? Them sent to prison like this op? https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5086485-why-dont-women-with-kids-force-the-dads-to-have-them-50-of-time?page=1

I cannot seriously believe some of these replies! FFS unless hes the only man in the world who hasnt heard of those birds and bees ,surely he became responsible as soon as decided nor to wear a condom! I would seek CMS for your DD. She deserves something from him as she will never know what a kind and loving father is like! Also if she wants to see him later on what will she think?

And OP, seeing that he already doesn't want to be a father, and if he, very likely, is difficult when it comes to paying child support - please allow him to be "dead". It was much easier for me as a child when I was free from his sporadic involvement. It is very traumatic when your dad doesn't turn up for your Birthday but on an evening, a couple of days later, with "something for the kids".
It is difficult when you're aware of hushed and tense phone conversations.
It is difficult when someone gets your hopes up with "your dad might". No, he won't. And the sooner everyone accepted it, the sooner the clouds lifted.

As a child of a dad who left my mum after abusing her then going on to form another family with 4 other kids I 100% agree with this sentiment.

Sometimes you don't need the dad and asking for CM - I would say don't bother unless you want him trying to have rights and/or fucking you about.

If you have a future man in that child's life would allow the child to bond with someone rather than having the baby daddy interfering.

Not necessarily, she may have told him she was infertile, as she thought she was, and he trusted her, yes. Stupid of him, but I’d not argue he knew what he was doing,

He did.
Taking your chance on hearsay is just stupid.

(It applies to not protecting yourself from STI too btw. Who in this day and age has unprotected sex so early in a relationship?)

@ConfusedConfuse they’ve actually done and implemented something like that in France.
50/50 automatically.
A woman would loose her dcs if she is keeping the child from the father in any shape or form. Including not telling the father they have a child etc….

As far as I know they’ve become more flexible (50/50 isn’t imposed as much) but all the rest stayed.

It might not be attractive to people in the U.K., where mothers are still seen as the end all and be all. It doesn’t mean it’s the only way.

Fwiw I think it did a lot of good in France. Starting with men having to talk about taking time off for their dcs, realising how hard it is etc….

No 9ne is arguing he wasn’t stupid to have believed her if she did tell him she was Infertile.

calm down.

Yes Dear.

Happy to see you agree he was stupid and that he knew what he was doing - taking a risk. A risk of pg and a risk to his own health.

So you said, "it happened when you both decided not to use a condon" but then you also went onto say "i thought i was infertile" I guess you told him the same.

My mum done the same she wanted a baby my dad didn't she decided to have me anyway, he married her they divorced I was a broken child from it, I didn't have a dad because my mum made the choice to have me even though he made it very clear he didn't.
I didn't speak to my mum for a long time because of the choices she made.

You are lucky he told you how he felt, he made the choice to stay away he didn't want the child if you didn't and he did your response would be it's my body, my choice.

Don't put him on the birth certificate, don't claim child support, you new where you stood, let him live his life.

Would you want to take a paltry payment from someone who has dumped you? Would you be prepared to chase that payment for 18 years?
Would it make you feel better?

As a child of an absent father, as I said before - I'd wipe my arse with that money. There isn't enough cash ever that I would take for the pain he caused.

In my opinion, child maintenance is for the other parent to alleviate the burden of being the only provider. If it's substantial enough to bother. It's not a payment to sweeten the deal for the abandoned children, it doesn't work that way. It only reminds of what you never had and never will.

I didn't even apply for his flat in probate. I just don't appreciate feeling all the ifs and whys dug up.

I'm going to get flamed for this but you knew he didn't want the baby from the very start. You say you feel sad for your little girl but you've put yourselves in that situation.

Men don't magically change their minds when baby arrives.

At 42 he should know better. That or he's married.

I think the child's rights is more important than the rights of an adult. So unless you are rich I would claim the money.
20 driving lessons cost me £700 for my teen.
£67 for his test.
£500 to insure him on my car for 6 months.
His theory test (can't remember how much).
His provisional licence.
£2500 for his first years insurance and £6200 for his first car.
I've literally just paid all this so it's in my mind. If you claimed child maintenance and saved it it could be used for driving/a car in the future.

@mumofnations

I feel the same - it was my mums choice to have us despite all odds indicating that ours will become a single parent household. My mum was 35, pregnant with twins and felt very much the last chance saloon with it. She should have married a man who wanted to have children, is all I have to say about it.
She was under no illusions about it, as I later, to my shock, discovered that she already had had an abortion within the marriage.
The biggest pain was to know my dad (who was loving, funny and easy-going) to then lose him completely. I'd much rather not known him at all.
He went on to lead a single life and never had any other children. He meant it.

Jesus, what a twat!

At least you're well rid. He sounds dreadful.

Have you factored in that lots of men have sex without taking any responsibility for where their semen goes?

They have a very simple choice: take responsibility for their own fertility. That might mean not having sex. That's a sure way not to be a poor, helpless man with an unwanted baby.

Could say the same for women and abortions don't have sex 🤷‍♀️

It wouldn’t be comparable though, would it? Women don’t get to just wander off. They have to go through with the pregnancy or have a medical procedure to end it. That’s very different to just fucking off like the guy in the OP.

Well the woman can too if she wants, adoption. No one is forced to parent. Not even women.

Not really the woman can have various forms of contraception they are both to blame but he asked for an abortion and she refused therefore he shouldnt be responsible for her ignoring his wishes.

Jesus, it’s depressing on here. Confused is clearly a bloke, but what an ignorant male-centric place this is becoming.

Yes I'm a man because I don't agree men being forced to parent when literally so many other posters are saying the same thing as me.

That undermines any little credibility you had. Argue your case, don’t attack people as they have a different opinion to you.

for me. No one should be forced to be a parent against their wishes, man or woman. Two people should decide together to have a child. Either should financially pay if one decides to make the other a parent against their wishes.

its not good enough to say well he had sex so fuck him. There is a child involved here, a child the op knew she was having with a stranger who didn’t wish a child. And who likely didn’t even know they were risking it as they trusted her. So what’s best for the child is now key. And in this situation it is likely simply financial.