He blocked and ghosted me 😭😭😭

[Pizzapie82]

I haven’t seen my little girl’s dad since I was 13 weeks pregnant. He wasn’t happy I was pregnant and said that he wanted me to have an abortion. He said that if I didn’t he would never be able to trust me and wouldn’t see me or the child. He blamed me for getting pregnant and accused me of tricking him. Erm, no-it happened the one time we had sex without condoms. Think he needed to take a biology lesson.

Anyway, I didn’t contact him since then but noticed about a month before I have birth that he had blocked me on Facebook and messenger. I thought this was so unnecessary considering I hadn’t contacted him even once since I had last seen him so not like I was hounding him or anything.

My LG is now 7 weeks old and I thought that for her sake I would message him on WhatsApp as noticed he was still available on there. I thought that he might have decided not to block me on there just in case. I sent a very civil message letting him know I had given birth to a beautiful baby girl. I said that I would leave it up to him if he wanted to be involved or not. I didn’t receive a reply and his profile picture disappeared. The bastard has blocked me without so much as the courtesy of a response. I can’t believe someone can be like that. We were only together a matter of weeks when I got pregnant and I certainly wasn’t expecting any sort of ongoing romantic relationship and understood why he wasn’t happy. However, he gave me no indication that he was the type of person to ghost someone. I’m just gutted for my LG who clearly will have no chance of having a relationship with her father. 😓😭😭

How can someone do that sort of thing and then just get on with their day without a second thought? I just don’t understand it.

WTF??? Best he just treats his child well and behaves like a grown up.

But he isn't going to so would you rather him around mistreating and resenting the child? Can't force someone to be an involved parent

or would you rather he constant messes the child around and lets them down? An absent father is better than a bad one.

Honestly I'm sure you know it was pretty reckless of two 40 years old to have unprotected sex and u understand that he was not happy to be having a child with a stranger but he did!
I think no father is better that a very reluctant one but I would chase maintenance and save it for your daughter.

and you know what I meant, it's clear he doesn't want to be involved and he told that to the op as soon as she found out so why would anyone want to force him around when he could end up abusing the child just to punish the op is beyond me surely you would prefer an uninterested father wasn't involved? No good forcing someone to be a parent even women aren't forced to be parents as we know how they would end up

@ConfusedConfuse so you’re assuming that that guy would be abusive towards the child because …. he isn’t stepping up to be a father?

Instead it is ok for him to wash his hands of all responsibilities, even if just financial?

And then we wonder why men find it so easy to just walk away!!

That’s assuming the OP doesn’t and will not have major financial difficulties so that CMS money makes no difference to the child’s life….

Well if you don't want to be a father and someone forces you to be around you're not going to be a very good one are you?

I'm not commenting on cms, purely about contact. Op can choose to claim or not that's her decision what she can't do is force him to step up.

I don’t understand your logic. It could have been the final time they had sex, even the only time, and the reason he is saying she tricked him could have been she said she thought she was infertile so they had unprotected sex.

this doesn’t mean he shouldn’t step up, of course he should. But there is clearly more to this.

If you told him you were infertile and chose to have unprotected sex I can understand why he's not impressed.

You have given him the option of involvement. He doesn't want to know and that's something you will have to get your head around sadly

Sorry you're in this situation OP. I had the same when I was 18 and pregnant. DD's father made it clear he wanted nothing to do with either of us and stuck to his word. He never paid a penny in maintenance (despite having a house, a business and a 35 foot yacht). He got married and had two daughters with his wife. He is an utterly useless wanker and thankfully not having him around was a lot easier in many ways than people who are obliged to have some kind of relationship with the father of their children, where that father is a complete tool.

DD is now 23. She knows her father is useless. It has had an impact on her, in the way that I think any child will be affected by having an absent parent. It's something that was in the back of her mind growing up. But she is fine.

Whether you choose to claim maintenance is up to you. If he'll do anything to avoid paying, then is it worth the bother?

Of course he should still pay for his child that's ridiculous to suggest because he didn't want to go through with having the child he's excused his duty of paying for her.

This exactly

Honestly having him in your lives sounds like more stress and trouble than it's worth. Enjoy the fact he doesn't want to get involved and will leave you be.

Definitely claim the money though. You don't have to spend it, but put it in a savings account for your daughter and gift it to her when she needs it as a young adult.

@Sparklfairy but the point is that at least women have the option to terminate if they really don't want a baby. Men can only do so much.

He said he didn't want to know and he doesn't. I'd say if I were you I wouldn't be surprised he's blocked you. Just forget him. Get CMS for the kid but apart from that it's best he's not involved.
It's true to say if I were him I'd be pretty mortified my partner of a couple of months wanted to keep our unplanned child. Especially when I said I was not supportive of the decision.

Surely that means they should be extra vigilant with their own contraception then?

This wasn't a contraceptive failure. He didn't take every precaution and this was just an accident. He was lax.

I echo the poster who says better an absent father than an awful one.

Sounds like this man is married.

I would still push for child maintenance though, for the sake of your little girl.

He will no doubt say he isn’t the father . Then him and your Dd have to hand in samples for testing .
This is all horrible and much more harder with a new baby whom you love and want to protect.
look at it this way , doesn't your child deserve as much support for a nice up bringing and the piece of paper to say that is her dad .

I wouldn’t give this man any chances with your Dd she willl just be let down by him again except she will know different and then be hurt by him that time .
He had in protected sex too he needs ti pay for his child. Stop feeling guilty and taking “blame “
Do what you need to for your Dd but put this man behind you he is bad news .

If you claim for cms is he even going to respond, would he be difficult and insist or refuse a paternity test. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise he's fucked off, who wants a dad like that in their life.

Some posters have a very clouded view of what it's like to claim CMS from an absent father. "Just get the money". "Open a savings account".
After a few years of his ever changing finances, jobs and missed payments; after constant paperwork, compiling the so called evidence, futile attempts to contact, lawyers and so on by my mum... The last straw of a payment was £20. For both of us, his twins.
Mum said it's like getting paid £20 quid to be slapped in the face every month. She chose to preserve her mental health instead.

Yeah, so suck on that for a "savings account". And no, I wouldn't want his £1200 after 10 years of payments. I'd wipe my arse with the notes.

If a man doesn't want children he uses condoms.

If a man doesn't want to use condoms then he has to accept that he may become a father.

Why does only biology thought to work for women? Men don't get to have their fun then get absolved for any responsibility. He knew what he was doing.

Could say the same for women are you against abortions too?

Can I borrow it when OP has finished with it?