Handhold because DH hates my birthday present (trip to cornwall)

[Miserableinpenzance]

Dh is a difficult person to buy presents for which is why I am currently sitting in a sleeper train to penzance in tears. He said its the worst present ever for a light sleeper like him and he also threw a massive strope last night cos he said the concept of sleeper train was filthy cos he couldn't shower in the train (first class lounge paddington had showers which he did eventually use)

It was his birthday present as he loves travel so i thought would be a good present (He books us holidays on a monthly basis). It turns out he hates sleeper trains (he had only been once before but that was during covid and on the Caledonian which was being quite badly run at the time so I thought it was a one off that he didn't like it). We live in London and Cornwall takes many hours (and we usually don't take leave for our holidays which are usually weekend breaks where we leave on friday and come back on sunday) plus the Premier inn next to penzance Station was totally booked out so sleeper train made sense.

We always had many weekend breaks (once a month) rather than big holidays (with the exception of visiting family)because there was once a bad experience where dh was switching job and we had to cancel flights and hotels (no refund on the flights) because they wanted him to start early. So if either of us anticipates leaving a job then we book weekend breaks that don't need any leave.

I feel really underappreciated cos he made out like this whole holiday is for my benefit rather than his. I don't think that is true at all, the sleeper train was the way of getting there that seemed to make time and money sense at that time (and I wanted to keep costs low as we are going away quite a bit and i thought he would appreciate the prudence) and also it was quite logistically hard to book due to the nightmare gwr website. I wanted to book something he usually wouldn't book so he could see something he wouldn't actually see.

We were actually ttc but honestly he has made me cry so much in the last 24 hours over his 'gift' that I am not sure I want it

He doesn’t sound very nice at all. Very weird about the only having weekend holidays too. All very uptight.
He is not father material. You can do better than a weird manbaby.

This. At least you've seen his true colours now. Before it's too late. (It sounds like a brilliant present btw)

He sounds like a petulant child.
Sorry Op

@Miserableinpenzance

a few days in Lanzarote would probs have been better op. Guaranteed good weather. Everyone prefers abroad hols to uk ones

What an arse! I would be so happy with this gift.

@Relaxd but you certainly don’t make a fuss the way he did last night.
You dont get so grumpy that you make your partner cry.

I mean him going on about the wet towel is crazy.

He simply found every single thing to complain about just to be sure he’d shown the OP how awful her choice was.

It’s the attitude of a man who cannot cope with him being inconvenienced.
I mean imagine the hotel tonight ‘smells mouldy’ like it did in Scarborough. Something she couldn’t plan (or he couldn’t either if he had done the booking). He’d be back to being a miserable sod.

Not ok at all imo.

I'm the same. Don't have children, wouldn't want this surprise thrown at me.
Full stop.

@LuckySantangelo35 He doesn"t like hot places. So obviously they only go where he wants. All about him after all.

I’m still puzzling over this:

I haven't been on birth control for 9 years and never had a baby. We have fertility difficulties from that perspective (have ttc for 10 months and nothing, this is another reason why we have weekend breaks so it's not much of a wrench to cancel if I did get pregnant).

So much to comprehend …

Well Cornwall has beautiful weather today so enjoy your visit.Walk to Mousehole along the coast.He sounds tedious.

He is not a knob.
I'm exactly like this, that's why I never had children.
God forbid if an adult wants to make their own choices (shower!) without lovely surprises thrown at them.
🙄

People are free not to have future children, but they don't get to yell at their existing partners for arranging a lovely surprise.

Oh well as long as he’s mollified and prioritised at every turn I’m sure he’ll be a great father…

Good luck OP. You’re going to need it.

We are already going abroad quite a bit tbh..July cruise and Berlin in August! Thought we should mix it up a bit.

For what its worth, those weekend break kind of holidays where you go somewhere nice and then explore all over by train/bus etc etc are the sort of thing I would loveI think for some posters who would prefer sunny holidays or weeks away etc what you do sounds unpleasant and there is a feeling he is "forcing" you to do these terrible UK weekend breaks. If you are genuinely happy doing the same type of holidays he likes its not a problem in itself. Except, the problem with being easy going etc is you don't know if the reason you don't have terrible arguments is because you are both easy going or because you don't have terrible arguments because you are happy to always do what he wants. You won't find out which it is until you hit a rock and there is a risk you might get a nasty surprise at that point.
So, I don't think its fair to judge him as awful based on one case of him being a sulky git because tired. But you do need to maybe think of something you really want to do that isn't 100% up his street and see how he reacts to it (not necessarily something he would hate. Just not his first choice IYSWIM).

I wonder sometimes just how minted a man has to be for the wife to put up with being treated like utter crap.

I would excuse one stroppy tantrummy moment. But you won't know if its a one of because it was a one of for him, or because he is never usually annoyed. You need more times when he is putting your wishes first not yours to find out.

@Miserableinpenzance A two day cruise??

I give up. Basically OP you have totally lost your identity and do whatever he wants to do every day of the year, treading on egg shells so not to disappoint / annoy him. You have basically sacrificed yourself for a man that cares little about you. You let him treat you like shit, make you cry but you don't want to upset him further so put up with it. You aren't brave enough to have a discussion about his very unpleasant reaction and your feelings with him, as you basically don't want to annoy him / know he won't see your point of view anyway and likely blame it all on you ie - it's a your fault for booking the sleeper train, being too emotional etc. The cycle then begins again with you basically being his puppet doing everything possible to make him happy whilst he does next to fuck all to make you happy. You know, a healthy relationship shouldn't be hard work. It should be about 2 people wanting the best for each other and that involves both people making compromises, and being happy to do so. You are not in a healthy relationship.

Many years ago I saw The Mikado at the Minack. It's so spectacular with the sea in the background. You have to be wary of sunburn though. It's definitely worth making the effort to get down there. We were staying in Cornwall, still took an additional 3 hours. Maybe we should have got the train 😀

You're right. Don't have a child with a man child.
You need to see all their sides before you lock yourself in with them for life and this doesn't sound like a nice one!

He is happy now

oh ! what a child you have married.

and you want to have children with this child ?...

and as for carrying around a wet towel - throw it in the fucking bin !!! towels are not that expensive or buy one from ASDA next time purely for that reason - bath towel approx £4 !!!

Me nor my husband even do presents so he is an ungrateful git!!!

also it was quite logistically hard to book due to the nightmare gwr website.

Inspired by this thread, I’ve just tried to check prices and I completely concur with this description of the process. I had pneumonia last year and it was more enjoyable than trying to book that fucking ticket.