Handhold because DH hates my birthday present (trip to cornwall)

[Miserableinpenzance]

Dh is a difficult person to buy presents for which is why I am currently sitting in a sleeper train to penzance in tears. He said its the worst present ever for a light sleeper like him and he also threw a massive strope last night cos he said the concept of sleeper train was filthy cos he couldn't shower in the train (first class lounge paddington had showers which he did eventually use)

It was his birthday present as he loves travel so i thought would be a good present (He books us holidays on a monthly basis). It turns out he hates sleeper trains (he had only been once before but that was during covid and on the Caledonian which was being quite badly run at the time so I thought it was a one off that he didn't like it). We live in London and Cornwall takes many hours (and we usually don't take leave for our holidays which are usually weekend breaks where we leave on friday and come back on sunday) plus the Premier inn next to penzance Station was totally booked out so sleeper train made sense.

We always had many weekend breaks (once a month) rather than big holidays (with the exception of visiting family)because there was once a bad experience where dh was switching job and we had to cancel flights and hotels (no refund on the flights) because they wanted him to start early. So if either of us anticipates leaving a job then we book weekend breaks that don't need any leave.

I feel really underappreciated cos he made out like this whole holiday is for my benefit rather than his. I don't think that is true at all, the sleeper train was the way of getting there that seemed to make time and money sense at that time (and I wanted to keep costs low as we are going away quite a bit and i thought he would appreciate the prudence) and also it was quite logistically hard to book due to the nightmare gwr website. I wanted to book something he usually wouldn't book so he could see something he wouldn't actually see.

We were actually ttc but honestly he has made me cry so much in the last 24 hours over his 'gift' that I am not sure I want it

So THAT's where the sun is out today! 😅

Looks lovely, I'm jealous (about the weather and you being in Cornwall, not the fuss your DH is making).

You tried to do something nice OP and your husband punished you by acting as a man-child. Honestly, tell him to get over himself and as another poster suggested just get him socks next year and every other year to boot.

There are no excuses for being so ignorant towards you about a gift you chose with good intentions, that he has made you cry.

No excuses.

He is just being a pig and you need to tell Oinky to zip it.

You're wasting your breath @MrsDanversGlidesAgain The poster is not listening.

This thread is so bizarre!

You know what, I'm re-reading your OP and I see he usually books your trips. Is there a chance he's punishing you for doing it this time because he sees that as his job? because everything you've posted about holidays talk about where HE likes to go and how you can't go anywhere big because of a mishap once with his job (which sounds like a massive overreaction).

Yes, I think you're right. Frustrating, but what can you do except try?

I once did the Indian Pacific for three days on a 'wash pits and bits' basis. Dunno if they have showers now but it wouldn't stop me doing it again, and I love the thought of a trip by sleeper.

Ah Bless!!

That's alright then - once he's had his coffee and nom-noms - priorities and all that. 🙁

He’s an arsehole.

Why are you explaining only his shitty behaviour to posters here? You have needs and wants too, not just him. You're in for an exhausting life if a short trip requires this much placating, explaining, tears and soothing for one man, with what sounds like no thought for yourself at all.
I'd have left the train and told him to fuck off with his ingratitude tbh. And thrown the wet towel at him on the way. Selfish prick of a man.

This is a sad read. But those people getting frustrated with the OP saying she's not listening, perhaps she's just trying to get through the rest of the holiday and will read and fully digest your comments after that. I speak from experience, she probably is relieved that he's now being 'nice' and has decided to accept the crumbs he's throwing her. Once back home, hopefully she'll read/ reread everyones comments and take stock of the reality of her relationship and decide next steps from there.

Course it is. Harder to leave a lifestyle than just a life.

Anyroad all's well now in the OPs world now her manchild is happy. She isn't listening anyway.

Good grief he sounds such a baby to have made you cry over this.. seems a bad night's sleep and no shower for 1 day is enough to trigger a tantrum!! That is very un-manly. That would put me right off. How would he ever cope really roughing it camping or something and as for having children how will he treat you if he has bad sleep for a whole year!!!

As gift of a weekend in Cornwall sounds wonderful. I hope you manage to have a good time...

He sounds so completely unattractive, just like a spoilt, petulant brat who’s used to dictating everything and sulking if it’s not exactly what HE wants 🤢
He probably enjoys getting you upset , ruining your enjoyment and likes having you around to blame when things aren’t perfect for him.
He’s so awful I don’t understand why you bother trying to do anything for him.

This is how trips with my XH used to be. First few hours would be hell, until he was sure I'd got the message that he was number one and I was inferior. Then he'd be nice and I could get on with enjoying the trip for the rest of the day, with any luck.

Of course it wasn't like that every time, but it was regular and there was a pattern.

I've just noticed I'm calling them trips not holidays. My subconscious clearly refuses to recognise them as holidays when they weren't relaxing!

It is very annoying when somebody gets you a present you don't really want. You should have checked first instead of just assuming he'd like it. But sounds like he's not very considerate of your feelings only his own.

Please don’t misunderstand me but your husband is Indian correct?

Why on earth would he need a shower on a train or at the station before for a 5hr trip. I don't get it. Do you have to fly business or first class whenever you go abroad so he can shower on the flight. Does he shower at the airport. Sounds like he just wanted to make you feel really shit. No idea why you would entertain that sort if crap. More fool you.

After I read that post I had to go back and reread the OP.
I thought I may have completely misread it and OP was talking about her DC and not her DH.

But no sadly, she was talking about a fully grown adult.

Perhaps some women enjoy being married to a giant toddler.
I can’t think why else you would allow such behaviour.

I hope this isn't insensitive but if you've been trying for baby for 9 years (or at least not using contraception) Does your H want a child?

Are you on the same page with the big things in life - not just the 'wrong' holiday?

Is he neurodivergent in some way?

You both have some quite fixed ways of behaving that aren't logical.

I'm another one who thinks the 'weekend only' holidays are very strange.
Unless you've applied for a job, had interviews and are waiting for the call on that, how would a job offer affect a booked holiday?

I don't like surprises like you've arranged here. I think that to go to Cornwall, you have to allow more than a weekend no matter how you get there- plane, train, or car.

He's your husband - you should know what he does and doesn't like.
Imagine the furore you would cause if he got you something you detested.

Did you really not know he likes to have a shower? And did it not occur to you to ask him or if you wanted his pressie to be a surprise, err on the side of caution given how the previous trip went and get him something you know he would definitely like?

You were very unthoughtful and he has every right to be hurt that you know/care so little about him.

DB is in the habit of showering twice a day because he used to have psoriasis and wanted to regularly clean off the ointment he was using, and he never got out of that habit. So being able to shower is important to him and he makes sure that he can.

Not sure he's have thrown the strop that the OP's DH did over a surprise, though, being a grown man and everything.

And the OP would have known any issues like that and taken it into account.

Bloody hell. She's his wife, not combined nursemaid and secretary.

I hope this is satire, but if it is 1/10 for execution.

Hi OPs husband 👋 🤣

Hi cat lady 😜😂

Hang on, you bought a sleeper train that you knew he hated from the first time he went on one. You decided that was only because the line was badly run.

You take holidays every month anyway so why was this special?

Your partner should have more grace and decorum but it sounds like his present was something you would have done anyway but spend more time travelling that actually there doesn’t sound like fun.

edit: missed the booked hotel and return train update