I think @viques makes a really good point here @Thefirstone
what I think you need to do is to try to build up some relationships that will give you friendship and confidence
And I am going to recommend the Freedom programme again because of it, and New Beginnings
Both are run by Women’s Aid and you can get the most out of them by doing them in person in a single sex space.
There will be support from professionals and other women and a safe environment while you explore and build up your inner self.
You might make friends, many do bond and provide ongoing encouragement and mutual support, many find the weekly groups are all they can manage at first but it is all company in a safe, non-sexual environment.
You will benefit from working out what values you want in a friend, or partner - and for yourself.
Going on a cuddle website as a vulnerable person who has experienced abuse suggests to me that you are really in need of human touch - but the non-sexual type of human touch many take for granted - like hugs from family or friends.
Sometimes Women’s Aid or other female groups organise manicures, head massages etc as part of the therapeutic process of reconnecting to the body and to human touch in a safe and boundaried way.
And so here is a little wildcard suggestion ‘present you’ can do for ‘future you’
Save a little, even if only pennies in a jar for now, mark it your “I care about myself” if you like so each time you pop even one coin in you see that message (or similar positive one)
’Future you’ can go get a manicure/pedicure, reflexology, hairdresser visit, head massage, back massage or whatever
Human touch is so important and if you build in platonic human touch through these ways it will be much, much safer than seeking comfort from strangers you met online.
I don’t know enough to comment on others advice re autism or if my above suggestion might conflict with that, I just know for an elderly relative and a survivor of abuse those things really seemed to make a huge difference.