Am I being unreasonable not to help financially?

[deb45]

Me and my husband have very different attitudes about money. I like to be stable financially and work hard to do so. I work and run a household with children (not his) and am now debt free but I don’t buy what I can’t afford and pay all bills on time as I don't like owing money. My husband works part time and lives off the generosity of others which I find annoying. Now his old car is falling apart and he really needs a new one and has asked me for financial help to do so but I don’t want to take on any more payments/outgoings or risk my credit rating. In an ideal world he’d work more hours but he doesn’t want to! He’s said that because I’m his wife I should help him but it’s left me feeling crap. I used to want to give him the world but now I feel tired and resentful

That would be a nope from me. He needs to do more hours, if he was working all hours anyway and needed help, I'd feel differently.

YANBU, but why are you with this loafer?
His behaviour reflects on you, and you're enabling him!!

I wouldn't. If he has the capacity to work more to pay for a car himself, that's what he should do

Nothing worse than a grown adult expecting others to support them

No I wouldn't pay - and I would consider my future with a partner working half time (no handicaps or sickness?) expecting me to pay for a car.

This is the guy with HIV who didn't have the decency to tell you, leaving you to find out on your own?

Why the hell are you with this man?

What a terrible example he is setting to your dc , mum works hard and stepdad scrounges off others !

Well he has 2 choices then doesn’t he?

1. get off his lazy arse and work to fund the car
2. go without

are you subsidising this cocklodging loser more generally?

Not good

Agree. I can see what he's getting out of this relationship but what are you getting out of it?

Why did you marry a man who is a lazy scrounger?

Quite! The car is the absolute tip of the iceberg here, quite clearly

Yes an unfortunate situation but he doesn't live with me

You sound like a strong, caring woman, OP, but your self-esteem seems to be at rock bottom. You need to either be on your own (your life would be much easier and you'd have a lot less money) or be with someone who's kind to you and strong, too. This sort of man isn't good for anyone. He's a leech.

Has anybody said Cocklodger yet?

How does he live off the generosity of others?
Having read what you’ve posted and the fact he has HIV that he didn’t mention - what in god’s name are you doing with him?

I'm very aware he's a freeloader but I don't know why I feel so guilty for not wanting to help him out. I used to but now Im working more hours I'm become more selfish and less willing to help