Am I being unreasonable not to help financially?

[deb45]

Me and my husband have very different attitudes about money. I like to be stable financially and work hard to do so. I work and run a household with children (not his) and am now debt free but I don’t buy what I can’t afford and pay all bills on time as I don't like owing money. My husband works part time and lives off the generosity of others which I find annoying. Now his old car is falling apart and he really needs a new one and has asked me for financial help to do so but I don’t want to take on any more payments/outgoings or risk my credit rating. In an ideal world he’d work more hours but he doesn’t want to! He’s said that because I’m his wife I should help him but it’s left me feeling crap. I used to want to give him the world but now I feel tired and resentful

I remember your previous. Divorce this useless baby.

I'm really glad he doesn't live with you. Was that your decision?

Quite honestly I'd get divorced immediately. I hope your will has been written because if you die without one, he'll inherit everything from you.

Given that you are married what's yours is his anyway. That's what marriage does, but you don't seem to realise this and are treating it like there's your money and his money, and its all separate. Legally, this is not the case once you wed. Pretty much like, if say, he moved into your place, that you own and paid mortgage on, by marrying him, he's then entitled to half of it regardless of who's name is on the deeds.
I think you'll find he's mainly living off the generosity of you, more than others. Your credit rating will depend on his rating too as married. So if he needs a new car, then it comes out of what the family has available, not the individual. Are you getting now just how generous you've been by marrying him? Hope he's good at housework as he's not much use otherwise.

Yes my decision we live apart as he wouldn't contribute financially so I look after myself financially and practically

I don't have any assets, I rent my property but I pay my bills and have a good credit rating and an income I can just manage on for now

Lol, so married but not living together, thats weird - is he from abroad? Have you ever lived together? If you have proof of living separate and its a short marriage, you might as well divorce him, he probably won't get much equity from you in that case.

What age are your children?
As has already been said but you seem to be ignoring, if anything happens to you he gets the lot. Are you really putting him before your children?

You're quite right not to help him. I'd tell him to "work more, save more and be more self sufficient. That's what I did and I'm not getting back into debt again"

If he should be claiming benefits for a health condition affecting his ability to work full time he needs to put his pride away and claim.

If he's lazy he needs to get his finger out and remove the chip from his shoulder that makes him think the world owes him a living coz it doesn't.

Oh and divorce him.

He can increase hours and get car fixed - or not. Do not get a loan as you will end up paying it back. This guy is a drain.

Why haven't you divorced him?

Are you aware that he's legally entitled to half of your assets when/if you divorce?

How very odd. You don’t even live together? Don’t give him any money.

What part of she has no assets confused you.

He's a free loader

Yes he does think the world owes him a living lol. I just don't understand the scrounger mentality some people have. I'd be ashamed of myself if I tried to borrow/take money from someone who couldn't afford it

You are quite right to not want to be his cash cow.

How much do you subsidise him generally?

I don't get why you would marry then, I don't see the point. Marrying is about committing yourself to each other through good and bad times.

It gets complicated 2nd time around as when you get together in 20s you often have nothing or little, so you build together. Since divorce I have dated women who have not a lot and others who are far richer than me. If I totally loved someone I wouldn't care - although in either situation I would ensure that we both had an agreement in place protecting the assets prior to marriage and only splitting stuff gained after marriage, excluding any inheritance.

Oh Lordy, I just read the other thread.

op, what are you doing, and just why?this isn’t a marriage, why don’t you end it?

My children are grown up and as I said I have no assets. But it's a very strange 'marriage' I know but I do love him and yes my self esteem is low and I could 'do better' but I don't want anyone else. I've spent a lot of time alone and mentally have to detach myself from the situation as his behaviour does hurt

She checked what his medication was for.

Yes, you're right.
I misread it.

Just rip the plaster off and divorce him. £600 online. He sounds a liability so set him free!

This. Why does he feel.entitled to just work part time?