Am I being unreasonable not to help financially?

[deb45]

Me and my husband have very different attitudes about money. I like to be stable financially and work hard to do so. I work and run a household with children (not his) and am now debt free but I don’t buy what I can’t afford and pay all bills on time as I don't like owing money. My husband works part time and lives off the generosity of others which I find annoying. Now his old car is falling apart and he really needs a new one and has asked me for financial help to do so but I don’t want to take on any more payments/outgoings or risk my credit rating. In an ideal world he’d work more hours but he doesn’t want to! He’s said that because I’m his wife I should help him but it’s left me feeling crap. I used to want to give him the world but now I feel tired and resentful

I don't want a divorce. I just want to feel loved and wanted but I know I'm wasting my time and energy

I'd be worried he'd have a claim to your house op as you've been married over 5 years. Regardless of who lives where all assets go into the same pot should you divorce.

He’s lazy, lives from others, no money, has HIV and you don’t live together. What made you think it was a good idea to “tie you up” forever in a legal binding contract with this man? Did you hit your head at some point? Sorry just curious.

On top of the above he’s also neglecting you too? what a catch this guy 🤣

Wanting to feel loved and wanted is a normal human desire. But you aren't feeling loved and wanted by him, are you? I mean, how could you considering the life you're living.

So why not divorce him and try to find someone who actually will love and want you? You'd be better off on your own feeling 'unloved' because you don't have a partner, than feeling unloved because your actual partner doesn't love you.

I think the big thing is that you don't really love yourself. Have you considered counseling?

' loved and wanted ' ?

raise your bar off the floor

just exactly does he enhance your life ? !!!

Read that book I mentioned, @deb45 - it'll help you see more clearly:

https://www.waterstones.com/book/women-who-love-too-much/robin-norwood/9780099474128

Ah bless you. Youve got to start with yourself in the first instance. Loose the extra baggage (as in him via a divorce). Start over in mindset. Youll find someone who will treat you 1 million times better x

I know I'm an idiot. I don't have friends or family to chat to so it's nice to hear the opinions on here. Welcome or unwelcome!

You're not an idiot, and you know it. You are scared of being alone and you think that you arent strong enough to get out of your comfort zone. Right now he is a bit like a security blanket, but you know this is an illusion.

You'll feel so much better once you get rid of him. How can we help you to find the strength and determination to do what's best for you?