He cancelled a date and is now angry I didn’t reply?

[Utopiana]

Been seeing this man for 2 months ish. We were meant to meet on Saturday at 7pm but I got a message (after I had spent two hours getting ready!!!) at 6 saying “hello, it’s one of my mates birthday tonight sorry I forgot, I will have to show up for a bit, but would be free around 11pm, idk how you feel about that”

I felt like he had a better offer (not the party) and just thought well okay. Went out with my friends instead. No intention of getting into an argument or discussion with the guy.

I have just got a message from him saying “you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.”

ITS BEEN LESS THAN 2 days.

Was I wrong not to reply to his text? I think any rational person knows someone’s not going to meet them for a meal at 11?

@Zone2NorthLondon stonewalling someone is not an effective form of communication and I've no idea why you think women should use this as a communication mode. What do you expect to resolve?

Obviously if OP has no intention of ever seeing the guy again then yeah don't respond. But if she wanted to give him an opportunity to redeem himself, she should have responded differently IMO

My younger self went through similar. it took his mother to tell me that he was heading out with mates and if there was nothing of interest elsewhere, that’s when he would get back in contact with me.

I made some dumb decisions then, all supposedly to prove that I wasn’t the one to be looking elsewhere…

why couldn’t he have said to mate that he made arrangements, and either he includes you for a drink or two, or he was simply not available to them?

Prioritising his mates (if he told the truth to begin with) is a red flag from my experience…

'You need to'

Nope. So controlling and assuming.
How about actually calling you to explain the situation and see what's going on it's the least he can do after letting you down.

Decency? Good grief, your bar is so low it's a tavern in hades. Raise your standards.

100% agree. How is the OP rude and entitled after being blown out with an hour to go? She was controlled under the circumstances

I wouldn't have responded to the first text. There's nothing to reply to. He cancelled last minute for a better offer, it was already a done deal.

The second text is horrible.
Well done for having standards, op. Maybe some on this thread would like his number from you.
They could pop round after 11pm with a kebab 😂.

I’d just block. You don’t owe him anything. If he can’t work out why he’s being ghosted that’s his problem. You’ve done nothing wrong.

Tell him to take a long walk off a short pier.

Of course she has no intention of seeing him again. This is him showing her very early on who he is.

He was rude to cancel last minute so no, you were fine not to reply. His follow-up message should have been an apology. But at least you now know he’s a complete tool, and can throw him back in the sea.

Your user name says it all 🤦‍♀️

He clearly wanted a booty call so why should the OP reply ? No need to be polite

If he was genuine then he would have been apologetic and offered to meet the Op earlier than 11 and make it up to her, or called to explain

So a zero effort text deserves zero effort reply

His response wasn’t great and I wouldn’t have seen him again after that but as you didn’t respond to him I can only assume you didn’t like him much anyway so sounds like no loss for either you.

I wouldn’t have replied either OP.

Fuck him. Two months in so you owe him nothing. He had no problems ditching you last minute - which is rude. And then he wants you to grovel because he deems that rude? Get outta here…

He clearly thought he had a sure thing so he could behave anyway he wanted and you’d still be hanging around. Good on you. Hopefully he’ll think about cancelling at the last minute with the next woman.

I think you handled this fine and I’m surprised by how many people are saying it was rude not to reply- maybe they haven’t been on the dating scene for a while?

The fact is, cancelling last minute by text and suggesting a booty call only a couple of months in to dating means he’s not interested. He basically dumped you/demoted you from potential girlfriend to fuckbuddy. And he did it in an incredibly rude way.

Very funny of him to give you a lecture about manners. You should ask what other advice he has (before blocking and moving on).

She definitely did NOT Stonewall him. Throwing terms around that aren't relevant makes a weak argument even weaker.

Stonewalling requires being in a relationship and using silence to control and shut down communication.

She was dumping a rude loser and using silence to communicate that perfectly.

Literally no matter hiw fucking disgusting a man is, along comes a groveller to tell a woman who's been treated shittily to be "insert grovel of choice".

Grovellers to men make me sick. When someone treats you disrespectfully silence is absolutely perfect.

Well done. Now block the wanker.

(Link explaining Stonewalling for the hard of thinking).
https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-h

Some weird terms being thrown at the OP, 'stonewall', 'entitled' (to what?). These don't make sense. The guy cancelled with a weak excuse (his friend's birthday is not new), without much apology, very late in the day.

He then made an inconsiderate alternative suggestion for the brilliantly titled 'post pub grope slot' which I suspect he was hoping she would refuse anyway.

They were newly dating. There wasn't a response outstanding. His follow up was aggressive and odd.

Stonewalling is repeatedly ignoring a partner as a means of control or abuse.

She actually is entitled not to reply if a new date turns out shitty.

As for "you need" and "you can't" - it turns out she doesn't need to do what you petulantly demand and in fact she can ignore you, you ill mannered gobshite.

I sincerely hope you blocked him.

I'd bin him for wanting to arrange the 11pm hook up.

This.

His snarky message in the morning does deserve a reply though. A reply containing two words: the second of which is "off".

All of this. Rude as fuck expecting you to put up with being treated like shit but still be delighted that he wanted to come for a shag after. Twat.

Wow, you sound like a naughty child!

He sounds a bit controlling.

Perfectly reasonable not to reply to his message.

So he ditched you for a night out with his mates and then still wanted to come round for a shag?!

Bloody cheek! Damn right he wasn’t getting a response for that rudeness.

Hes the entitled one! Dump him immediately