He cancelled a date and is now angry I didn’t reply?

[Utopiana]

Been seeing this man for 2 months ish. We were meant to meet on Saturday at 7pm but I got a message (after I had spent two hours getting ready!!!) at 6 saying “hello, it’s one of my mates birthday tonight sorry I forgot, I will have to show up for a bit, but would be free around 11pm, idk how you feel about that”

I felt like he had a better offer (not the party) and just thought well okay. Went out with my friends instead. No intention of getting into an argument or discussion with the guy.

I have just got a message from him saying “you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.”

ITS BEEN LESS THAN 2 days.

Was I wrong not to reply to his text? I think any rational person knows someone’s not going to meet them for a meal at 11?

There’s a really great movie about Wyatt Earp called “Tombstone.”
In it, one of his biggest enemies says
”well, bye,” as the Earps leave town after their brother is murdered and another brother loses an arm in an ambush.
It was a particularly vicious thing to say, since they were the murderers.
You could’ve always said that, but it probably would’ve sailed over Mr. Dickhead’s head.

I can only applaud you for not writing Fuck off dickhead in response to his last message. What a twat

Don't waste any more time on him and certainly don't bother to reply now. He's the rude one, not you. I would probably have replied after he rudely cancelled you, just to say in your dreams mate, and then blocked him, but you were quite justified not to reply and he has no right to expect anything from you now. What a prat. (Him, not you.)

I’d expect a grovelling phone call if cancelling an hour before meeting. A text is shit - he didn’t deserve an answer.

I guess it depends on what you see as acceptable behaviour or how you define rude.

I agree it sounded like a booty call. But he messaged and asked for an alternative time, but you ignored the question.

Whether it was a friend or potential date who did this, I’d respond. Even if I was mightily pissed off. The response from me might be curt and unfriendly, but they’d receive a reply. Because I think ignoring a direct question like that is rude.

Aldo, I’m not sure he was initially rude. Maybe he genuinely fucked up and double booked without realising. Asking for an 11pm meet sounds cheeky and yes, unappealing, but I don’t think that’s rude either. I’d be annoyed at wasting my time but still don’t think that warrants ignoring him.

I think his initial message deserved a response, even a blunt one. Thats not being a handmaiden or having low standards. As Michelle Obama said, “when they go low, you go high” - and I like that sentiment. I’d probably have replied with “no thanks, I’ve made alternative plans for the evening now.” That sends the message that you aren’t sitting around moping.

His second message to you though shows you’ve had a lucky escape. Absolute bellend. Lots of pithy, cutting responses on this thread that would do very nicely. And then block.

Absolutely. Nothing more to be said. Your instincts are spot on, OP. Do not apologise, and don't waste another minute on him

Well I wouldn't have been happy with being asked to meet at 11pm after his night & would have thought that that deserved as much consideration as he had shown me-none at all!

Meeting up at 11?

Is that a booty call, or do you have to actually receive the call at 11?

Ridiculous either way.

He’s done you a favour,angrily revealing who he is,how he treats women. Get him to fuck

you should have replied as its very rude not to
some people like that kind of stuff, some don't - as you don't - ditch him!!!

The stroppy 'communicate' message would be game over for me. What an arse!

OP, I wouldn't have bothered to reply to him either. I wouldn't think a text like that worthy of a reply.

It was such a rude cancellation at such an early stage it didn't merit a response.

This isn't nitpicking. I am disorganised. I've made mistakes so know they need to be handled well. Realising at the last hour on a weekend that you're double booked demands real contrition and a suggestion of a proper alternative date if you want someone to know you care about seeing them. The 2300 suggestion was, I think, supposed to be turned down but he could say he'd tried to fit everything in. Maybe it was about sex, I don't know but it was careless, he had stood the OP up on a Saturday night and that merited more gravity.

How did he really think you'd feel about it, replacing a date night with a late night rendezvous because he'd forgotten a mate's do?

The follow up showed a lot about him. 'you need to do this... You can't do that'. Or else what? Well no, sonny. People have exactly the right not to respond if they feel sidelined/disregarded/ not well treated in a new relationship. I think you've seen his colours now.

I'd block. I did a lot of dating and wouldn't give a second chance or get into a conversation about this.

No I wouldn’t have replied. Unbelievably rude. I would reply to his latest text saying ‘I can do whatever the fuck I want.’

He was rude. I would have replied to the message saying that wasnt happening. His anger and rudeness would be the end for me

Not sure why so many posters are saying the op is rude for not replying 🙄

This guy cancelled at very short notice and then offered a booty call as an alternative. You did exactly the right thing OP in not replying. He is the rude one and you have had a very lucky escape as he has shown you that he is a patronising wanker early on so now you can bin him off without getting too involved.

Just send a 👍 to his last message. It does not deserve any more thought than that

i wouldn’t have replied to 1st message consigning the date to the post pub grope slot
Hell yea I’d ignore that offer
Manners? It’s bad form to cancel and obfuscate so no he doesn’t deserve an answer. It’s pretty obvious to any one attuned and sensitive that cancelling a planned date at short notice bit offering post pub grope as a consolation prize isn’t an offer most women would rush to accept

He's the rude and entitled one, not you.

There's plenty more fish in the sea, you don't need to fawn after this knobhead.

I think you should have replied to his text. But his text is very agressive Just dump him would be advisable.

I think you hurt his fragile ego by not responding right away with some upset damisel message or not throwing yourself at the opportunity of being his booty call, instead you just moved on and gave zero f-ucks, that hurted him and now he’s trying to make you feel bad about it.

Get rid, this has more red flags than a commie convention.

Just as No is complete sentence , women can show displeasure by zero response . Women don’t habitually need to be nice or have good manners in order not to offend, We can and should use silence as a communication mode

His sneaky request for a booty call didn't need to be dignified with a reply. It's not as if he said "I'm sick could we please reschedule for next Saturday."

At least you know how awful he is now so in that sense he did you a favour.

Silence is a response in itself, if he didn’t like that response tough luck. he’s hurting because he wanted a reaction from you and you didn’t give it to him. Narc alarm bells ringing aloud.

Threads like these make me realise how tragically low some women’s standards are.

He was rude beyond belief to cancel. You were right to ignore. He’s an entitled prick to think you were the rude one.

Honestly, what am I reading? Why the fuck should she have replied?

Seriously, if you’ve read this and think OP owed a reply then you need to drastically raise your standards. I hope it’s mostly trolls.